Grief And Trauma, No Way Out

[Tinyflame]

Omnia, I didn't have the ability to imagine a 'future' for a very long time. Now I take it day by day, best I can, because the way I look at it that's about all that I know is *guaranteed* (sort of- even then it could all change in an instant). And on some days, I think of something in the 'future' I enjoy- like Christmas. I used to try to 'survive' til then (no suicide). But mostly I find being in the 'present', and filling that 'present' with better things, ones that are positive or good or hopeful, and being thankful, and always remembering to try not to take others I love for granted for one second, is more beneficial for me. (And even then I have to fight going down the opposite path, of fear others will die, and I can't bear it and should flee now. :( )

Sometimes, things are so bad we can't pick ourselves up. At least, that was my experience. I hope you will have hands to help lift you, or hold on to you when you can't. (Including here.) It can improve, and will. I fell apart when I had no coping mechanisms. If I'm still here, anything is possible. I am a difficult, hopeless, convoluted case! :)

I just heard today someone say, "we have lots to get done, and it will take our whole (natural) lifetime to finish". Just one day at a time, even one minute at a time, when necessary. (((((( Big Hugs)))))

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

Whitney- thank you so much.

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

Thank you. I try hard to survive every day and every second.

 

[Tinyflame]

I know you do Omnia. It will get better, it will change. Peace to you (((((Hugs)))).

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Omnia, I lost my son too. I was with him when he died. He was in a coma for 3 days. He had been in a motorcycle accident and they had him on life support. We had them take him off life support. It was a very surreal experience. I still miss him and it has been a few years now.

I tell you this so that you know you are not alone. My mother was killed in an airplane crash when I was nineteen years old. I am now a caregiver for my husband who has parkinsons and lewy body dementia. Ours will not have a happy ending. I see my husband fading slowly. We still have good days but I do everything.

I know that you are overwhelmned with grief and exhaustion. I still think you need rest. I am sad that you are also dealing with the betrayal of the medical proffesion that hurt and wounded you.

I encourage you to keep on writing about what you are going through and talking about how you feel. My heart goes out to you. Hang on and do not give up. Time passing will give you the answers you seek. Mabe not all of your questions but most of them. It will be ok. You will be ok. I do not know how I just know. Big hugs.

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

I can hardly find the words, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Even more I am amazed how much support and love you are able give to so many people in need here, amd I am sure in your environment as well.

I feel very lucky that I found this forum and so have the opportunity to get into contact with so many caring and understanding people.

It is amazing that ones who are thousands of miles away can feel closer than others who are in the same room with you.

My remaining family is hurt so deeply that we can not talk, in addition I do not want to further traumatize them with my feelings.

Others do not dare to come close, as if I would have a contagious disease, or they are afraid that I would pull them down into hell with me. I guess they see it in my eyes. The same was in the hospital.

Thank you for trusting me that I will find the answers I am looking for. I am doing as much as I can and crossing borders, if needed.

There are so many questions, what has actually happened and how? And of course the why, which leads to the basic questions of life.

I need to think more, it is just somehow difficult to make an order in my thoughts. Once I dreamed that they have teetn and are eating me up.(Crazy isn't it?)

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

Looking at the different threads I have just realized what broad spectrum of traumas and symptoms actually are covered by PTSD. Also it is amazing to get an overview of the different stages from the fullblown condition to the stabilsed, healed status. So there is a hope.

I just hope also that many therapists are looking at this forum, because they certainly can learn here more about the disease and the patients than from the text books or from seminars.

We all have our own stories, very often different ones, we still relate to each other, because we know how it can hurt, whatever the causes are.

There are certain memories coming to the surfice also while reading the fate of others.

When I read about the traumatic experiences the veterans had, started to remember that I was working as a nurse before the university for one year with children who had incurable diseases and later 8 years with many terminally ill patients as a physician.

I had patients who bled to death in front of my eyes or suffocated from their disease in my arms. The worst was that one could not do anything to help, just to be there.

My relationship broke up at that time, because I was so down every week end from what I experienced in the hospital. The only thing that helped was the feeling, that I might be of use by not letting them alone, when the end came.

Then I got married, I lost my father but my son was born and gave me my life back somehow. He was my guardian angel.

I changed job and I thought I still have a chance for a normal (average nothing special) life. Is it too much? Apparently yes.

It is just strange for me that all these memories I forgot and only stated to remember now, reading here the fate of others.

I believe that this could be also a therapeutiic effect of this forum. You get a mirror and start to see the connections in your life, begin to face old memories.

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

Tonight I feel very hopeless, we are alone with my daughter and not able to help each other.