Hi everyone, I decided I need somewhere to share my experiences since I have a very hard time connecting with friends and family and I can only afford therapy If it's free. My husband understands generally how I feel but I don't think he can fully relate.
There have been some major changes in my life just in the last two years and I'm now having some issues starting a new job and feeling grounded. I've been feeling complacent, disconnected and stressed out as the business I worked at had to close down in May 2014. I also have flashbacks of sexual abuse as a child, it is still clear as day and angers me so much. It's been worse since the man who abused me was my Uncle and he committed suicide a year ago, which brought attention to his name in our family. Most people liked him and had no clue what he was doing, and my dad was in denial that his brother could do something so awful, and still is in denial. My mom knows and it's too painful to talk about when she tries to bring it up gently. My husband knows too but he has a 'you'll get over it' attitude, and that was the end of it. And this all happened over 17 years ago.
The recent big change was moving to the suburbs to live with my dad after he suffered a minor stroke, similar to early stages of dementia. My husband and I moved out of our home, away from family and friends to fix my dad's house and care for him.
I was still commuting to my job I held throughout the move, which I've worked at for 7 years. It was my bread and butter, my heart and soul, and the owners were some of my best friends. It was struggling for over a year and they closed the business recently. The tragic event of the owner's boyfriend committing suicide right before the closure left me with the responsibility to clear out the rest of the store and bring the loads of important things home with me to store for them. I have just now been realizing how much I miss it and how lucky I was. On the other hand I am angered by the owners who could have planned a lot of things better. They were so busy with other jobs and family, they couldn't devote as much time as I did to the company. No matter what, I know I'm still grieving over it and I haven't talked to the owners since.
I am now just about to start a new job in my new home town. I've been unemployed for a couple months and loving all the things I can accomplish at home. I know this new job is a great opportunity and I will pick up on it and do better with time. It is also a very people-oriented job, taking care of young children. With how I've been feeling, I'm just not very confident in myself and I have trouble expressing my opinion. I'm worried this will affect my performance and it's all so overwhelming and very different from my previous job. I am always trying to encourage positivity in my mind, and it works. All is well and good, but when it comes time for the interview, the meetings, etc. it doesn't change the way I act. I am withdrawn, can't think on my feet and have trouble concentrating. It's almost like I lost all my confidence when I lost my job. I'll keep trying though and hopefully it will get better.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my post. It means a lot to me to share all this with someone who may relate to some of what I'm going through. Tears are beading up from reading all of what I typed, so I guess it's progress. Thanks guys.
There have been some major changes in my life just in the last two years and I'm now having some issues starting a new job and feeling grounded. I've been feeling complacent, disconnected and stressed out as the business I worked at had to close down in May 2014. I also have flashbacks of sexual abuse as a child, it is still clear as day and angers me so much. It's been worse since the man who abused me was my Uncle and he committed suicide a year ago, which brought attention to his name in our family. Most people liked him and had no clue what he was doing, and my dad was in denial that his brother could do something so awful, and still is in denial. My mom knows and it's too painful to talk about when she tries to bring it up gently. My husband knows too but he has a 'you'll get over it' attitude, and that was the end of it. And this all happened over 17 years ago.
The recent big change was moving to the suburbs to live with my dad after he suffered a minor stroke, similar to early stages of dementia. My husband and I moved out of our home, away from family and friends to fix my dad's house and care for him.
I was still commuting to my job I held throughout the move, which I've worked at for 7 years. It was my bread and butter, my heart and soul, and the owners were some of my best friends. It was struggling for over a year and they closed the business recently. The tragic event of the owner's boyfriend committing suicide right before the closure left me with the responsibility to clear out the rest of the store and bring the loads of important things home with me to store for them. I have just now been realizing how much I miss it and how lucky I was. On the other hand I am angered by the owners who could have planned a lot of things better. They were so busy with other jobs and family, they couldn't devote as much time as I did to the company. No matter what, I know I'm still grieving over it and I haven't talked to the owners since.
I am now just about to start a new job in my new home town. I've been unemployed for a couple months and loving all the things I can accomplish at home. I know this new job is a great opportunity and I will pick up on it and do better with time. It is also a very people-oriented job, taking care of young children. With how I've been feeling, I'm just not very confident in myself and I have trouble expressing my opinion. I'm worried this will affect my performance and it's all so overwhelming and very different from my previous job. I am always trying to encourage positivity in my mind, and it works. All is well and good, but when it comes time for the interview, the meetings, etc. it doesn't change the way I act. I am withdrawn, can't think on my feet and have trouble concentrating. It's almost like I lost all my confidence when I lost my job. I'll keep trying though and hopefully it will get better.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my post. It means a lot to me to share all this with someone who may relate to some of what I'm going through. Tears are beading up from reading all of what I typed, so I guess it's progress. Thanks guys.
