General Grief For The Loss

[ISupportHer]

I was reading the information items for carers and part of one item was the statement that you have to grieve for your loss. It just hit me hard and made me have to stop and wipe my tears. It really is like she's gone. I mean, I know there is this new chronic illness. Depression is such a big part of her now. The grief is really what I feel, I think. First and foremost, the partner I've laughed with, shared love with, raised a family with, may be gone forever. That admission hurts.

She was managing a surgery unit in an urban hospital just 2 1/2 years ago. Two jobs later makes maybe 45% of what she used to make. Not that it's all about money but it's just that the sudden loss of income came at such a bad time. Just as we had the expenses of 2 daughters weddings. I mean, if I had just had any idea how bad it would get, I would have said no to some of those expenses.

I know I'm not the only one but today, an anniversary, has been a hard day to go on. I said in my introduction I'd be posting when I'd down sometimes. Today is one of those days. And I can't tell her how I feel.

I proof read this post and see I wrote "may be gone". Who am I kidding?

 

[Shoka]

Deat ISupportHer,

Dealing with grief for any reason is difficult and takes time. It's even harder with PTSD and someone you love.

Hang in there and be gentle with yourself. I think it's healthy that you recognize you are grieving. Posting here when you feel down is a much better coping skill than isolating and holding it all in.

Shoka

 

[ISupportHer]

Thanks

I think maybe I need to quit posting at night. I can usually maintain control, especially when I'm around her or keep my mind busy at work, for example. At night, lying there and unable to sleep with everything running through my head, I sometimes just spiral down. Not every night but certainly when I have something that triggers me, that I have trouble letting go of.

 

[Frankie]

Hi ISupportHer,

I know how hard it is at times....the person you knew is not the person you are living with now ! ptsd is part of who they are, and it will be there forever !

I was with my now exbf for 2 years....before he left because he was triggered badly from my exhusband. In the 2 years we were together, I was very lucky to not have seen his ptsd...it was very well under control !

However, After he left, I did grieve for a long time. I grieved for what we had and lost.......I grieved for the man that was and no longer knew.......

My days were filled with hurt, sadness, anger and frustrations, because as much as I knew he loved me...he couldn't or wouldn't be with me !

The only suggestion I can offer is to keep on supporting her...cause she does love you ...but can't express it as she used to....Surround yourself with people that will understand what you are going through !

And most important, know that with patience, sense of homour, understanding, talking, listening and lifestyle changes...you can have a very good relationship...sure with ups and downs.......but very good none the less !

Take care of yourself

Frankie

 

[her_indoors43]

:Hug_emoticon:hey her's hubby.....(no im not his wife).....hey.....just wanted to let you know....its 'FULL MOON WEEK'........

:crazy:brings out the worsties in all of us....:doh:

we women love reading about your love for your wife........its just so beautiful and refreshing.........:Hug_emoticon:hope things work out ok for you both

wow 2 weddings ,...well go check out the wedding pics that shall cheer you up to see your beautiful daughters day........so......how long ago were the weddings and...any grandchildren on the way,,??are you nanny and poppy's yet??............my grandaughter is 2 on monday..woohoo....one due in sept.....:thumbs-up

and yeah i understand abit about the admission thingyy.......i love my hubby too.....
take care mate......

 

[ISupportHer]

Thanks for the responses of support. I do feel isolated many times and seem to just have to cycle through my ups and downs. Your support and understanding does give me strength.

 

[Tinyflame]

At night, lying there and unable to sleep with everything running through my head, I sometimes just spiral down. Not every night but certainly when I have something that triggers me, that I have trouble letting go of.

Dear Support,

Much of the Serenity prayer applies to ptsd and caring about those with it. It will not help either of you, to worry yourself to death.

Just think, some of the most novel ideas come to (all of us), after we get some sleep.
And you certainly need the rest, for your physical and emotional strength. Letting go and sleeping/ resting is the best thing you can do for her.

Peace to you.

 

[Shoka]

"Here, Here" Junebug... I am in total agreement that the Serenity Prayer is a good application to PTSD.

Isupporther, I think posting when you need to vent stuff out of your head is very healthy indeed. I started keeping a journal by my bed so that on those nights when I couldn't get to sleep I would write down everything I was thinking no matter how depressing, resentful or weird it sounded...Getting it out helped me alot to be able to rest better.

 

[ISupportHer]

Thanks to all.

Perhaps I'll go into more detail if I get approved for the private area but my "venting" sure is more healthy than the drinking 3-5 beers a night. Things were really bad for a while and I gave up. It was, I think, a self preservation attempt. I couldn't deal with it anymore so I quit searching for answers for about 8 months until I "woke up" to see that all I was doing was trying to cover up the pain through other, unhealthy behaviors. (discussed a little in my intoduction) I'm back in the fight, although I backslide into self pity sometimes.

I am glad I found this site and all of you!

OK, thread topic back you you again!

 

[Tinyflame]

Support,

Don't feel "funny" or "selfish" talking about yourself, or your situation. All we can talk about is what we know. Many of us will find similarities in our own.

:)

 

[ISupportHer]

Hey, This is my thread topic! LOL :rofl:

Funny, I have gotten so much out of all I read, posted and received, I forgot where I was.

 

[ISupportHer]

I'm Up and Down

Probably a good thing I didn't post last night. I was really worked up. Couldn't sleep. Combination of the realization that my Father-in-law died almost 10 years ago and that, although I now see there were issues just before that, it was the start of the anti-depressants.

Coupled with reading some of the posts recently like the PTSD thread discussing the question about PTSD as a terminal condition or not.

Just kind of brought everything to a head for me. PTSD may be a fairly recent diagnosis, but OMG, a decade of Behavioral Health issues. And getting worse, not better. No wonder I feel grief.

So much I'd like to vent but can't. Doubts about what's happening. Doubts about my own strength and things I've done that made it worse. Things I can't let go of.

It's extra Benadryl for me tonight. Hope it's ZZZZZZZ tonight.