Grounding Or Avoidance?

[theshadowoftheliving]

What is the difference between grounding and avoidance? Is there overlap, and how do I tell when I've moved from grounding to avoiding?

My last run through therapy in the spring was a round of CPT. It tauted "feeling your feelings" and not avoiding. It was so, so hard - I've always dissociated, and my therapist was really aggressive with me about stopping the dissociation, but without any skill-building to deal with all the emotions that were there, and I started self-injuring as a result. I left those twelve weeks feeling more dissociative than ever, constantly checking out because remembering the past was just more than I knew how to handle.

I'm back in therapy. Almost four weeks in, we are still working on grounding and helping me stay present through each session. Outside of sessions, she has me practice putting distance between me and my negative emotions. It's a hell of a lot easier than therapy last time, where by this point my therapist had me writing about my trauma and reading it to her (which broke me in a way I hadn't felt in a long, long time). But am I avoiding the real work? Where is that line?

Dissociation is a huge problem for me. But it's hard to convince myself that staying put in the present is a better idea. And I can't tell the difference between being grounded and being present and having dissociated from my feelings entirely, but being "functional."

I just wonder if anyone has any experience riding the line between these two things. I want to get better, but I'm terrified of giving up the dissociation, even though it causes so many problems,

 

[watundah]

I hear ya, sister. Dissociation is an easy and always accepting friend. The new therapist sounds like she's got it right, teaching the tools to stay present. What I am finding is, after many decades of shutting down, it is a long, slow process and we need to be patient as we learn to sit with the discomfort. I am not sure it's anything we can consciously control, as in, "I'm not going to dissociate in therapy today." I wish it were so easy. I find I stare out the window a lot in her office and if I make an effort to not do that I am more present but as for not dissociating, I am not sure if I can stop it in therapy without her efforts to stay on top and drag me back. I think I am rambling now, but my point is, it won't go away cold turkey. I kind of wish it would as it truly slows my recovery.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@watundah Thanks for the feedback- it's good to hear that my course of therapy seems right. I've been worried about it, but I know that CPT wasn't right for me at all; too much too soon, too hard, too triggering.

I'm still trying to sort out this difference, make sure I'm trying to attack the issues and not run away, but I do need to make sure I don't run too fast and implode; I don't have a safety net to catch me and I'm so scared of falling too far.

 

[Friday]

But am I avoiding the real work? Where is that line?

Grounding is real work.

 

[Ocean5]

I'm looking for a new therapist. I want to try Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Basically give me a better way to think about things - without having to remember past. Least from what I understand. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't want to remember pass, and I don't remember most of youth. When I do dissociation it's big time. Much lost time.

What I found helped with grounding, and voiding dissociation, was always to look for new things in office. Even patterns, or books.