General Guilt

[Lilybelly]

I triggered an "episode" and it happens to be an extremely rough one. He says that I didn't trigger this but I pinpointed the exact moment it happened and it was because he couldn't find me in this place we were at.

I feel so incredibly horrible and so guilty. Does anyone else have any of these same feelings and how do you cope with them? For the most part, he is doing well..is "different" but is staying as grounded as he can, but yet, not himself. We were able to talk about this and now I know that I need to just tell him where I am going to, whether it be the restroom or outside.

The tears fall...

 

[Meadowsweet]

I'm a person who has PTSD, and I don't understand what triggers me sometimes.

Othertimes I'm able to recognise the trigger or at least recognise that my internal reaction isn't matching the event. And that's the beginning of a process to get through it. It is difficult to get though and difficult to explain to those close to the event.

But just from my own personal perspective, I've never felt upset with others for accidently triggering me.

I think if you're in a relationship, then each day must be a learning experience for both of you.

from what you say here, it sounds like he doesn't blame you and that you have taken another step in understanding him.

I think you should be proud of yourself for learning something, not beating yourself up, x.

 

[Lilybelly]

Meadowsweet,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I thought a lot about your perspective and you are absolutely right.

Thank you for helping me find some balance.

 

[Eleanor]

Not your fault Lilybelly. These things happen. And you are not "responsible" for what triggers him - we can only be responsible for what we can control - and this just "happened". You can try to establish habits that will prevent similar things in the future - but at the end of the day it is his responsibility to get control over the PTSD symptoms. Adult men can get along by themselves and not freak out when their partners are out of sight for a bit. Right? Nothing objectively bad happens.

Not that I would go to Home Depot or Walmart with my husband without cell phones, mind you.;)

 

[Lilybelly]

This has been an interesting week, to say the least. It hasn't been "bad" by any measure of the word, just different. He is really doing a good job of working through this episode without taking his alone time, by his choice. (it is on the table if needed, with no opposition from me) There has been a little bit of go away/don't go stuff but I am proud of him for facing it head on. We are planning on officially living together and he sees that he can't ask me to leave our home when he has an episode ( he brought that up) so he is working really hard and I feel proud of him. I told him that last night when he got back from group. He beamed from ear to ear and told me that he feels safe with me and that I make it easier for him. He feels the need to apologize alot.

There has been no lashing out towards me, just a bit more nit-picky (things need to be in their place more so than usual) and honestly, he is the most self-aware man I know. He seems to really need reassurance that I love him and accept him just as he is, even when he is having a bad day. I've learned a ton this week about relating to him while he is in the midst of it.

The cool thing is, he is open to discussing it. He isn't shutting down on me and I can tell by his body language when he has had enough. So it's easy to follow his lead on the discussions.

I feel so much smarter and have let go of the guilt. :-)