Guys, Would You Make Fun Of A Girl Like This?

[Ejeku]

WHo is 25 and has never had a boyfriend? Never been kissed?

I grew up in a very religious, authoritarian and conservative family. My dad didn't let me have a boyfried until I finished my career. He and my mom were very strict with the fact that I couldn't have a boyfriend, that they didn't even let me have boy friends, I guess they wanted me to thikn that having boyfriends was wrong so, they always made fun of girls my age who did have. My dad talked as if those girls were horny little idiots, and my mom as if someone were taking advantage of them, they were going to ruin their reputation, and noone was going to love them/marry them in the future. So I never replied guys calls, never sent a message to the guy I was interested in, never did anything 'wrong'. I thought they send me the msgs or calls because they were testing me, like to see how 'easy/stupid girl I was'.

When we saw girls who expressed what they felt about the guy, mom and dad always made fun of them. I still remember their mocking laughter.

So I grew up with those rules, very insecure of course, meek, insecure, anxious, depressed. I started to repress my feelings at an early age, but I started to feel bd since I was in middle school. I started to feel guilty because I liked a guy, and about the thins I started to feel. And that was until I was in university. I had never had boyfriends, I was terrified of guys, when someone got close I felt extremely fearful and started shaking. That made me more insecure.

So, at my 25, sometimes I think guys will make fun of me if they notice I have feelings for them, so the few times I've accepted a date, I am very serious like I don't want to show any kinf of emotion in my face, I don't want him to see I feel happy because I'm with him, I imagine that would make me weak and he will take advantage of me sooner and more cruel.

And now, I don't want to have a boyfriend because I don't want him to make fun of me when he knows I like him but I am like a 5 year old little girl. When guys try to kiss me I run and never see them again. That makes me sad, I don't want them to make fun of me and I don't want to seem weak.

 

[Jaho]

There is nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend and never having been kissed.

You are shy, but that's ok it'll just take some time for you to get comfortable around someone you don't know.

You are insecure, but that's ok it'll just take some time for you to get some confidence.

You are anxious, but that's ok too. You will find yourself and you will realize that it's ok to like guys and it doesn't make you any of the things you think it will. Just do things on your terms, not some one elses. Take things slow and if you get scared, it's ok to tell the guy.

 

[Supul]

You are blessed- and very lucky. Treasure what you have. You are a gift from God. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you who is unworthy.

 

[Riteco]

I'm sorry your parents denied you the experience of discovering your sexuality at the same age as those around you, but the good news is there is no concrete time for a person to explore that. Whenever you are most comfortable is when it is right for *you* to discover your wants and needs in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with waiting if you're comfortable with it. Society puts a lot of pressure on us to behave certain ways, to observe certain 'customs' and gender roles. The truth is there will always be those of us who don't fit neatly into the societal roles provided for us and there is nothing wrong with that either.

But it seems to me you aren't happy with how your mind was conditioned. I wasn't allowed to date or have friends either unless they were pre-approved by my care giver. It really stunted my social growth and I still deal with the consequences today. The good news is however, that the conditioning I received(and I suspect the same for you) isn't and doesn't have to be permanent. You and I can break free and define ourselves. It's uncomfortable, awkward and even the simplest things like holding someones hand can feel like overly risky behavior. But the more I do take these 'risks' that others wouldn't think twice about, the less hurt I am if it doesn't turn out the way I want. In fact, sometimes I downright enjoy it, crazy right? To enjoy spending time with someone and take a chance?

I guess what I'm saying is you can break free of those behaviors that are making you unhappy. You don't have to be what your parents trained you to be anymore. It's your choice. Your life. You're supposed to enjoy this, try to. Tell yourself you deserve the attention, because you really do.

 

[Tejupa]

As a guy, I can tell you that at least the guys I know wouldn't make fun of you unless they are just looking for an easy, one time thing and want to feel better after getting shot down. That type gives guys a bad name.

I honestly respect that about you. It says you are relationship material and not a quicky. Don't be ashamed or feel negatively about it.

 

[Civugud]

You are blessed- and very lucky. Treasure what you have. You are a gift from God. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you who is unworthy.

Agree.

 

[Ega]

I honestly respect that about you. It says you are relationship material and not a quicky. Don't be ashamed or feel negatively about it.

That ^.

I think I would actually find it endearing that you haven't been with x number of guys, cute that you haven't had a boyfriend before and that you were sort of shy and insecure about the whole dating process.

I hope you can find a nice guy, one that respects you for who you are and the reasons behind it.

I think, because you weren't allowed to date and make decisions and learn on your own (at a younger age) about dating, that you might be at and extreme disadvantage now with discerning between nice guys and jerks. Difference between a 'real' boyfriend and a fling, infatuation and relationship.

However, don't feel guilty because you like someone. If a guy makes fun of you, ditch him. Not worthy of your time and effort. Doesn't deserve you.

 

[Ejeku]

aw that's a very sweet msgt hank you so much. And yes, I'm very 'innocent' at that. And I hate it. I hope to find a guy who thinks like you and I can be more secure around him. Thank you so much Ega, I appreciate your kind words:)

 

[Wobes]

Your parents fed you very distorted and messed up messages about girls, which is a real shame.

I like what retico said though. Other people controlling your sexuality isn't really cool, but now you are an adult and you are in control of your own sexuality, and your own body. Have fun. Life's a playground, and there are all sorts of people out there...some will judge you if you have sex outside of a relationship, and others won't.

The choice is totally yours.

 

[Ejeku]

Right Wobes, thnk you so much for those words.

 

[Ejeku]

Riteku thank you so so much for those words, it's really nice to find such empathy and great advices. Thank you so much.