Gynae Damage And Changes From Abuse

[Powder]

Trying to find answers to what's "normal" and what some changes are from abuse. Does it all heal? Does it leave lasting damage?

Most websites that come up in searches only list psychological changes and issues. Yup, know all that. It's the physical that I can't find!

I found one site, but it's just technical terms and doesn't reach any conclusions about causality. It just shows pictures and comments on them without linking the findings with abuse, just suggesting that abuse happened. Just frustrating.

Like what is supposed to happen when a virgin has sex for the first time? Is there really supposed to be blood? Is it after or during? Is there any pain? I know they say "Go slow, use lube," but is there still some discomfort?

I am trying to figure out the physical things that sexual abuse has done and can do.

Like pain during sex: is that based on actual physical scar tissue or is it psychological (pscho-somatic)?

Finally, if I don't know if my daughter was also molested, is there medical tests or exams that offer findings that are significant? Or is that a myth? Is it controversial?

I am just not finding answers and don't know where to look? My doctor might know a bit, but I read online that there is special training that sexual assault medical staff in emergency rooms receive from the experts, and that all other medical professionals don't feel qualified to do such exams. They defer to the experts and those whose primary job is to do such exams.

Any info is appreciated!

Muse

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Muse

Here in the UK it is the responsibility of Child Protection Officers to carry out such examinations on children. They are very senior Paediatricians with specific training in the field. As the examination itself can be traumatic it is only undertaken with good reason. I am not saying you don't have good reason, but you would need something fairly concrete or a disclosure from the child herself.

The police, Social work and health services all have protocols to follow and all would lead to the same expert doing an examination. The aim is to prevent the need for more than one person to have to do it.

There have been some controversial 'tests' that were discredited some years back. It resulted in a lot of false allegations that got thrown out of court once it was realised the so-called evidence applied to nearly all non-abused children as well.

I know here the advice if one thought her daughter might have been a victim of abuse would be to report it to Child Protection - which could certainly be done via the family doctor and then let them take over the gentle questioning of the child, with psychological support and then leading to an examination if it was thought necessary.

Only you can decide whether you think it is likely or not. The most important thing, of course, is that she is now safe and knows that.

I am not at all sure if this is helpful, but I can only give the UK perspective.

Regards
Lucy x

 

[Powder]

I hadn't thought of child protective services as an option. I'll ask my T about that. She may have more info on that. Here it's called CPS. Usually, I think of it as a way to report abuse from the caregivers/parents, but hadn't thought of grandparents. Hmmm. I'll look into that. Thanks!

Yes, I have to remember that she's safe now and that she knows she will be taken care of and listened to if there is anything to report. Hopefully, there isn't.

Muse

 

[Powder]

Also for my self, to try to find out what my body has been through and why I have had the problems I've had (pain, infections) and why I had two tiny drops of blood the first time I had sex. Is that a normal amount of do those who are true virgins have more? This varies from person to person, but there must be some sort of norm? Not sure. When asked if I had "a cherry" I don't even know how to resond as I don't know what that means?

Muse

 

[Nyx]

Like what is supposed to happen when a virgin has sex for the first time? Is there really supposed to be blood? Is it after or during? Is there any pain? I know they say "Go slow, use lube," but is there still some discomfort?

Also for my self, to try to find out what my body has been through and why I have had the problems I've had (pain, infections) and why I had two tiny drops of blood the first time I had sex. Is that a normal amount of do those who are true virgins have more? This varies from person to person, but there must be some sort of norm? Not sure.

I don't know if there's a norm for this, from what I have heard there isn't. Some of my friends said it was really uncomfortable the first time, some said it was okay. For me, it was so painful I had to ask him to stop. Still, I had only a few drops of blood, not the lake I was afraid would show up on my sheets.

Like pain during sex: is that based on actual physical scar tissue or is it psychological (pscho-somatic)?

It can be both. The only way to know that pain during sex is somatic is to go to a gynecologist and have yourself checked up. There are many illnesses that can cause pain during sex, and one of them is scar tissue on your cervix. And that scar tissue, as far as I know, can come from sexual abuse, but it can also come from normal sexual relations. I am only speaking from what I have been told by one gynecologist, so it's not necessarily exact information.

Finally, if I don't know if my daughter was also molested, is there medical tests or exams that offer findings that are significant?

Do you fear she might have been molested and forgot or not telling? Did you ask? I think that before you submit her to any uncomfortable/painful tests for a young girl you should try to confirm or infirm whether or not she has been molested directly from her.

When asked if I had "a cherry" I don't even know how to resond as I don't know what that means?

I think it refers to the saying "having your cherry popped", which means losing your virginity.

 

[Hlost]

I have pain during sex due to both tightening up (trauma issues) and scar tissue which creates a bit of blood at the end. My husband is gentle so he is not the problem. I would discuss this with your gyno dr and see what is going on there to get a better idea of what is going on.

Rain

 

[WonderingWhy]

Muse,

I do know for each individual the "hymen" can be very different. It varies from size and thickness. This will make both the pain and bleeding be different. Individuals also have varied pain tolerance. One way to "check" for "virginity" is to do an exam to look for the presence of the "hymen" (cherry).

For an individual that has been "abused" this exam is also possible. It obviously would only prove informative if the person had been a virgin.

I do know from my own history that one cause of painful (or impossible) intercourse is from uncontrolable muscle tightening. I had been unable to have a pelvic exam. The Dr actually referred me to a specialist for surgery of fibrous tissue. They thought I had a vaginal ring made up of "fibrous tissue". I was sent to plan for surgical removal.

Well when I was seen, I was asked if I had ever been assaulted. I was not expecting any such question and before I realized it had answered that I had. This was during an exam.

I was then told that I was NOT in need of any surgery. There was no abnormal fibrous tissue. It was just my body reacting by tightening those muscles no matter what I attempted.

My point is that this condition may also cause intercourse to be painful or nearly impossible.

Assaults could also cause tearing and bruising. With tearing any open injury is subject to infection. Then of course any sexually transmitted diseases are also a risk.

Not sure if this helps at all.

 

[Powder]

Thank you all for your responses. I had no pain during my first sexual intercourse. But off and on, there will be a sudden seizing up deep inside that is excruciating. At first, I thought it was something he was doing. After having a baby, it sort of went away, and only comes back every year or so. It is very painful and all of a sudden.

Also, I had life-threatening Strep B infections a few days after giving birth to both babies (10 years apart). Strep is commonly carried and tested for. And they gave me antibiotics both times during labor to prevent this. But I got a terrible infection both times anyways and had to spend days in hospital on IV antibiotics and pain meds. :(

There is an asymetry to my inner labia, and I read online that is often caused by CSA tearing and healing from repeat abuse. I don't remember being in pain there as a child other than frequent UTI's.

I'm actually a very healthy person in general but for the PTSD stuff I suffer from physically.

Basically, I am trying to figure out what is just me, and what could be the result of abuse, to separate it out in my head. But I can't. Maybe it's obsessive to wonder what damage was done.

Muse

 

[WonderingWhy]

Maybe it's obsessive to wonder what damage was done.

Muse,

I don't think it obsessive in the least. I think it is a normal thing to want to know.

My history is not from my childhood as far as anything that would cause "damage", there was some ut VERY minor. My main trauma was after my 1st actual "relationship". Not sure if that made it etter or worse?:thinking:

I will say that I do know it had been enjoyable and then after the abuse it has never been! I have no desire to even consider having any intimate relationship with where I am at now. Hopefully one day.:rolleyes:

 

[Powder]

I do know that adhesions can occur from trauma to the internal organs from rape of a child, and I think I have some. This would explain the pain I have had. I'd feel better if I could have it found and at least validate the pain I experience and locate the cause internally. No ultrasounds or other exams have found a reason for the infections and pain. I'd have to see a specialist, and I have no idea of how to find one. Maybe my Dr. could help me if I asked her. I don't know why I'm so afraid to ask for help on this one. I feel like people are going to judge me as stupid or crazy on this one. I've suffered my whole life with pain that connects my uterus and my intestine where it connects, I think. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Someone has underwent surgery for it on the forum. I'll check around. :) Thanks!

 

[Anna]

My abuser used the viginity thing against me when he assaulted me. I did not know how sex was supposed to be. Hence I was naiive and stupid. The pain was worse than childbirth. The injuries even more devastating. Lucky I was taken to hospital and the damaged repaired. Only lasting damage for me was a scar which occasionally hurts sometimes. I was lucky. In some countries such as the congo the long term damage is horrendous. They get "fistulas" where basically the faeces and urine leak out of the vagina. This can be from gang rape, virgin rape or childbirth.

I know some women who are unable to have children because they were abused as children because of the effects as muse says above. I also think it depends on how quickly you seek medical attention.

 

[Powder]

Wow, this topic is so hard for me. I have avoided this forum and now that I read that I read and liked your posts, I have amnesia for this whole thread except for the fact I vaguely remember starting the thread. :( I hate this. Having traumatic amnesia. I have forgotten/blocked out whole bits of my life. If anything is too triggering, I seem to be pretty good at "forgetting" about it. :(

I'm having a hard time lately. Not in therapy anymore. I hated therapy for the same reason. It felt retraumatising just to go to therapy at all. I couldn't relax enough to talk to her. I just wound up tight. Counseling has always been that way for me. I just don't want to know anymore, and I don't want to think about it.

I have felt better not going to counseling, but my body is getting messed up again. I have noticed when I don't process emotions in therapy or talking to someone about them, I get very physical symptoms of all kinds. I think it's all starting as psycho-somatic and then real problems do set in.

This makes me feel very boxed in and that there is absolutely no way to help my suffering. I can't run away from it, and I can't face it. I can't afford to pay for counseling and there are no trauma therapists in my part of the state. I just don't know. I've spent my whole life this way, and it looks like that won't change. I have to be brave.