Gynecological Exams...

[StarChild]

I've heard that this is part of the American views of women's health and women's bodies,

Would be interesting to learn where you "heard" this, resp. who told you this? Look, it's much more pivotal for your ObGyn, to check your risk factors, like body weight (obesity), history of heart conditions, risk for thrombosis, high blood pressure, diabetes, or if you're a smoker, to decide whether you can get a hormonal birth control or not.

 

[joeylittle]

Hearing people talk about these exams like they are no big deal is upsetting. I'm grateful for all of the replies I get; I guess it just increases my own self-shaming, questioning myself about why I can't just tolerate it like other people do, when I know the answer to that question anyway. :/

Hey - you really aren't alone in this.

Spoiler: a bit of a timeline, if you want more detail

I was raped when I was a young teenager, and could not handle attempting to get a pelvic exam for a very, very long time. When I finally did do it, it was so horrible that I then never had another one for nearly a decade. The next time anyone was near my body in that way was in order to have an abortion. After I was raped the second time, I forced myself to go to the gyno in order to punish myself - which was horrible. That was about 8 years ago, and I've never been back

I know it's medically stupid of me, I know I 'should' be an adult about it - but the absolute truth is that I do not believe I could have a pelvic exam and not end up thrashing, screaming, and hurting someone. I 100% understand all the ways to conquer this fear, but understanding them and being able to do them are two completely different things.

Do you have good communication with your Primary Care doc? Your first move can be to make an appointment to speak with them about the issue. Tell them upfront that you are working through trauma and having a pelvic exam isn't realistic for you at this time, but you are working towards it. Ask them what they can do for you. And if they say they can't help at all - try another doctor. Not knowing what your symptoms are, I couldn't say whether or not anyone will give you birth control without trying to leverage an exam out of you, because that pain could be the sign of a bigger problem. But somewhere along the way you will find a doctor that you can talk with, really talk with - and eventually, they will be part of the plan to get you through an exam.

(At least, that's what I'm doing. I finally found the doctor at least. I don't know when I'll let her examine me, but we are talking about it, and I'm getting more comfortable with her).

 

[laurainalameda]

I second the idea of finding a female doctor and explaining you are working toward it but are not there yet. If not sympathetic, go see another doctor. My husband still goes with me and holds my hand during exams. You may not need a pap smear and internal exam to get on bcp. You are correct that you want to avoid retraumatizing yourself at all cost. You are the boss of your body. As long as you are telling the doctor that you are working towards it, they should be satisfied. It may take a long while to get there, but if you take slow, careful steps, slowly exposing yourself to the environment of the exam, the procedure of the exam, and the doctor herself, I believe you can get there. I think it took me two years. And I still only go if I'm having a strong day and my husband is there to hold my hand and help me stay grounded. Just that you are thinking about it shows tremendous strength. Make it a priority with your therapist and work slow but sure.

 

[Mammo]

@Mammo, I think they used to be required here, but I've heard that they have sin...

Hey, perhaps a cultural difference within the medical profession - however, at the end of the day - they cannot force you to undergo a procedure you do not want. It's as simple as that. And any Doctor has to respect that. Period. A lot of people get pressured and bullied into things they don't want, because culturally we pay a lot of deference to someone's status as a Doctor. But it's a two way street, you can respect their opinion and advice, and you (and they) can also respect your right to make your own mind up as to what is best for you.

 

[Friday]

@Catlovers141 Most good OB/Gyn offices, if you :
- talk to them in advance
- have a ride lined up
- are willing to show up 20-30 minutes before your appointment

... will give you a single oral dose of Valium/ Xanax/ similar fast acting anti-anxiety med. More than any other practice OB/Gyns are used to dealing with the after effects of sexual assault & CSA.

@Mammo ... It's a cervical cancer, thing, primarily. The hormones in birth control pills trigger fast growth of cervical cancer cells. If a person already has cervical cancer, or is in the early stages? Giving birth control pills can kill them. Indirectly, by making the cancer leap throughout your body, but killing their patients is still something docs usually want to avoid, even indirectly. Virginity & testing negative for HPV doesn't matter, as girls & women can get cervical cancer without ever having sex or an STD. If a doctor Rx's birth control pills to any woman who has not been tested for cervical cancer (PAP smear), and she goes on to get cancer? That's medical negligence and they're liable for both medical malpractice (if she lives), & wrongful death (if she dies).

 

[Broken Dahlia]

@Dahlia This is exactly what I don't want to put myself through. I really feel...

I didn't want to "put myself through that," either. I am also a sexual assault survivor, many times over, by multiple men. Like I said, I had a miscarriage and didn't have a choice but to have multiple exams, plus ultrasounds. Good luck.

 

[ghotiff]

You are not alone, I could write pages on this topic.

I would take a friend to your GP and discuss your desire for the pill and no examinations and ask for the options. I would need a friend to control that appointment for me and to guarentee no examinations on that day. I suspect there won't be an alternative, but there just might be. If nothing else you will learn about your gp sensitivity to this issue. If they are not sensitive then find another one.

Alternatives for period pain and moods swings do exist and really help. I think it's evening primrose oil capsules that worked in my youth (having children solved the problem).
Cloth sanitary pads also make things better. You can make them or buy them, and they do help.

My heart goes out to you, I remember that era of my life well.

 

[Catlovers141]

Thank you all for your responses.

I just can't think about this right now….

 

[Cavegirl]

I once freaked out and crawled off the table and locked myself in a bathroom once in the ER when a male doctor tried to give me a catheter. BUT... I am now able to get a pelvic done successfully.

I prefer nurse practitioners over actual doctors, I've found them gentler and kinder. I tell them upfront I have PTSD from sexual trauma. Huge part of being successful is how I look at it in my head. I really have to look at it as a huge positive thing I'm doing for myself. Really give myself the credit I deserve for taking care of my body and be proud of myself instead of feeling victimized because I have to do it. You don't have to do it. You make the choice.

I also have them talk me through what they are going to do before they do it and they tell me what they're going to do with each movement. It's up to ME if I tell them they can do it. I keep my power.

I still hate doing them but I really try to think of it scientifically and usually reward myself after.

Good luck.