Just sharing this here rather than my usual little diary, because this is sorta… I don’t know - a different sort of post.
But I had a really interesting conversation today.
I bumped into someone I worked with years ago, and we got to chatting.
Theyre on my Facebook page, and I remember them posting about their bpd/cptsd diagnosis a while back.
They bought the subject up (they’re getting married soon, and they were just saying how far they felt they’d come).
They seemed relaxed, so I asked them one or two gentle questions about how they were getting on and what their experience was like.
They told me things like “Yeah, when I do x, y and z, it can look like narcissim; but I do a, b and c and then it helps me to work through it.”
I don’t mean to compare two different people in a negative and unhelpful way, but on a personal note, the conversation really opened my eyes to see that “Oh… hey… this is what a healing person sounds like.”
You know when you just know?
They’ve done things like given their fiancés family full right to challenge their behaviour if needed, and they can say things like “Before I was healed, I was horrible to be around, but then I did this, this and that, and now I’ve come really far.”
And they could say the sorts of things that trigger them, the specific strategies they use to get through it, and they could say things like “Yeah, mostly when me and my partner argue it’s me getting way too upset about something small, and my parents gently remind me and I can work through it”.
They were also very honest about their struggles (but appropriately so - they didn’t over share), and they said that it had taken a lot of work and that they were still in regular therapy - and that they were totally committed to it.
(Interestingly this therapeutic model was a model that my ex said they’d never ever have, but perhaps it’s unfair to read into that too much).
Anyway, it was a real contrast to my experience - they were so steady in their perception of things.
I’m still no expert, but it did kinda suggest to me that hey - if you *think* the other person might not be well or behaving fairly, that’s the time to believe yourself. Otherwise you get that weird cognitive dissonance thing where nothing makes sense,
Maybe that happens because people just won’t accept what their eyes are telling them.
I think that may have been true in my case (although my ex did present two very different sides of herself, which could be confusing - especially without any experience in these matters).
Anyway - it was almost ‘epiphany’ level helpful!
But I had a really interesting conversation today.
I bumped into someone I worked with years ago, and we got to chatting.
Theyre on my Facebook page, and I remember them posting about their bpd/cptsd diagnosis a while back.
They bought the subject up (they’re getting married soon, and they were just saying how far they felt they’d come).
They seemed relaxed, so I asked them one or two gentle questions about how they were getting on and what their experience was like.
They told me things like “Yeah, when I do x, y and z, it can look like narcissim; but I do a, b and c and then it helps me to work through it.”
I don’t mean to compare two different people in a negative and unhelpful way, but on a personal note, the conversation really opened my eyes to see that “Oh… hey… this is what a healing person sounds like.”
You know when you just know?
They’ve done things like given their fiancés family full right to challenge their behaviour if needed, and they can say things like “Before I was healed, I was horrible to be around, but then I did this, this and that, and now I’ve come really far.”
And they could say the sorts of things that trigger them, the specific strategies they use to get through it, and they could say things like “Yeah, mostly when me and my partner argue it’s me getting way too upset about something small, and my parents gently remind me and I can work through it”.
They were also very honest about their struggles (but appropriately so - they didn’t over share), and they said that it had taken a lot of work and that they were still in regular therapy - and that they were totally committed to it.
(Interestingly this therapeutic model was a model that my ex said they’d never ever have, but perhaps it’s unfair to read into that too much).
Anyway, it was a real contrast to my experience - they were so steady in their perception of things.
I’m still no expert, but it did kinda suggest to me that hey - if you *think* the other person might not be well or behaving fairly, that’s the time to believe yourself. Otherwise you get that weird cognitive dissonance thing where nothing makes sense,
Maybe that happens because people just won’t accept what their eyes are telling them.
I think that may have been true in my case (although my ex did present two very different sides of herself, which could be confusing - especially without any experience in these matters).
Anyway - it was almost ‘epiphany’ level helpful!