You kinda have to know my background with houses to really get this one. Suffice it to say that walking into someone's house for me, for the past 10 years has been a hugely triggering event. And with my symptomology (going catatonic), it has really cramped my style. Friends houses, houses I know, any type of house has been a crazy trigger.
Partner: 'X invited us over for Thanksgiving'
Me: 'Ah, that is really nice of X'
Now normally when we go to X's house we hang out in the backyard all night long. I have never been in his house (even to pee), on purpose. Because even walking towards a door of a house will drop me.
So yesterday morning, partner casually mentions 'We will be inside'. WTF????? Inside???? God help me.
So for the rest of the day I stressed. Badly. My thoughts went back to the millions of times I attempted to be in someone's house and would pass out, freeze beyond hope, end up in a corner shaking and shivering.....
So we walked out of the apartment, my partner and I.
Partner: 'We can leave the minute there is a problem. Zero issues with that.'
Me: I can't do that! OMG, this is going to be so embarrassing.
We arrive. Partner asks me where I want to sit. I sit on couch near corner. I had asked him before to sit on the left side of me at the diningroom table. He did. It was halfway through dinner when I realized 'Hey! I pulled this off!' No nothing! Not even a hiccup.
Mind you, when he came to retrieve me to leave (thinking I probably had had enough), it was like a release of steam from a steam engine. I felt my body just let it all go and lost all energy. But dammit all I did it! I went and wandered around a person's house. I hung out like a normal Thanksgiving guest! Nobody was the wiser. First.time.in.10.years! Wooooohoooooo!
Partner: 'X invited us over for Thanksgiving'
Me: 'Ah, that is really nice of X'
Now normally when we go to X's house we hang out in the backyard all night long. I have never been in his house (even to pee), on purpose. Because even walking towards a door of a house will drop me.
So yesterday morning, partner casually mentions 'We will be inside'. WTF????? Inside???? God help me.
So for the rest of the day I stressed. Badly. My thoughts went back to the millions of times I attempted to be in someone's house and would pass out, freeze beyond hope, end up in a corner shaking and shivering.....
So we walked out of the apartment, my partner and I.
Partner: 'We can leave the minute there is a problem. Zero issues with that.'
Me: I can't do that! OMG, this is going to be so embarrassing.
We arrive. Partner asks me where I want to sit. I sit on couch near corner. I had asked him before to sit on the left side of me at the diningroom table. He did. It was halfway through dinner when I realized 'Hey! I pulled this off!' No nothing! Not even a hiccup.
Mind you, when he came to retrieve me to leave (thinking I probably had had enough), it was like a release of steam from a steam engine. I felt my body just let it all go and lost all energy. But dammit all I did it! I went and wandered around a person's house. I hung out like a normal Thanksgiving guest! Nobody was the wiser. First.time.in.10.years! Wooooohoooooo!
