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Had To Commit Duck Murder; Rather On The Graphic Side.

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ronin47

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I'm kind of freaking out. Call me a tree hugging hippie girl, but this sent me over the edge.

My mother wanted me to go out and collect duck eggs from the pen. There were two in particular she wanted me to get because she was worried they were developing into duckings. In fact she knew they probably were, she just didn't know how far along and wanted to grab them before they got too far.

I went into the pen, distracted the ducks with food, and snagged the eggs. I was already nervous because the last time I collected eggs that were heavy and warm like my mother described I cracked it open and there was an almost totally developed baby duck in there. That was very unnerving to say the least.

These ones were very hot indeed. I took them to our dog who knows how to crack open eggs and eat the contents. She broke them open with her teeth, but wouldn't eat them, because the ducklings inside were about as developed as they get before actually hatching.

I stopped breathing momentarily as blood came gushing out of the cracked shells. I peeled the shells of one back and saw the little bird. It had everything, feathers, beak and all. It was even moving. It was wriggling and writhing in my hands as I peeled away the shell. I couldn't save it. There was no saving it now that it's egg had been broken prematurely. It was even trying to breath, it's little beak was gasping for air. I held and watched it as it suffocated inside the placenta meant to protect it. I tried to break it's neck to prevent it any suffering, but I had to pull hard, much harder than I had expected, as the bones were totally formed. That was when I started hyperventilating. I took both ducklings and smashed their heads with my foot. My whole body became taut with tension when I saw their brains as I pulled my foot back. I threw their bodies into the bushes.

I'm feeling physically ill. I have this gruesome sensation in my stomach. I can still feel them in my hands and their tiny little bones. I'm struggling to breath normally. My hands are shaking like crazy. I can't think clearly. Rest assured, I will never collect eggs from that place again.

I'm sorry for the gorry details. I'm just overwhelmed by this and needed to get it out of my system. Thank you to anyone who listened.
 
(((Ronin 47)))

I'm sorry I am so cross with your Mother. If she didn't want ducklings she should check for eggs daily so this situation doesn't arise. It must have been so awful for you.

You did the right thing in putting them out of their suffering as quickly as possible. Please try and go somewhere quiet and just ground yourself and breathe. Take time, breathe slowly. When you are more in control is it possible to tell your Mom how this made you feel and that in future she must not let it get to this stage?

Again, take time, breathe slowly, hug the dogs if they will let you, look around and focus on what is around you, how it looks, the colours and scents.

You are safe now and not alone.
KP
 
(((Ronin))) Dear Ronin, I can't find words for you right now, only soundless, symbol-less empathy and cyber hugs, and to say that I am both listening and hearing.
 
:( *hugs* I'm sorry you had to go through that. I would of felt the same if I were in your position. This might sound weird, but write a eulogy about the ducks, and bury it by the bushes where you left them. You might not be able to recover the ducks, but it might bring some closure to the situation. I don't think you're a hippy for caring so much about the ducks. I respect the animals; even the ones I hunt.
 
Oh sweetie.. that would have broken me too :( *hugs* I couldn't stand it.

Like KP, I'm so angry at your mother. It shouldn't even get to that stage.. argh.
 
Thank you ever so much for the support everyone. I was able to get myself calmed down last night. And when my mother came back I told her what happened and said I was too traumatized to collect eggs from the duck pen anymore. Much to my relief, she said she understood.

I like that idea of writing a eulogy for them :)
 
((((Ronin))))

Sorry to read what you had to go through. I'm glad that your mother understood you. I would been broken up if I would have to do what you went through.

There is nothing wrong about be a tree hugging hippie. Actually I find hugging trees rather grounding. I also talk to the rivers in order to wash away my pain and stress. Nature and animals are only things that I find real comfort in.

A eulogy sounds like a fitting thing to do.

Take Care

CHW
 
I am so sorry. My mother-in-law has done this to me also. Only she sent them home as good eggs!!! I'm not going any further than that but lets just say I can not crack an egg without cracking it outside into a cup. I lost a batch of muffins over the ordeal. I'm not really fond of muffins anymore :confused: I have chickens and if my eggs go ONE DAY without being collected I give them to the dog. I had a couple rotten-egg issuse with mom-in-laws eggs before the big fiasco.
 
So glad your mom was supportive in this. I would have been crushed. Alot of us who have been hurt can be very traumatized by hurting others whether intentional or not.
 
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