KristinEllis
New Here
I started a friendship, turned intimate with a Marine 2 years out. We never labeled what we were so I'm not a girlfriend nor am I just a friend, that was established. So I also deal with the lack of identity in the relationship.
We met in Sept. Started to get close in October and got intimate in November. He was very busy. 2 jobs. Always said just keep texting I'll respond when I can and he did. Always. I look back now and wonder if he wasn't preparing me since he knew this was something he did.
two weeks ago he moved north to be closer to his 3 year old daughter. The relationship with the mom has been...strained over the years but they both seem to want to at least be friendly for the baby's sake. They don't spend time alone together....there's always one of their parents around. He had confessed he was worried she'd send him back to heavy drinking. So of course I worry.
Before he left we discussed how we were staying in touch. we weren't losing each other. I was going to fly up. Before we met I was already moving that way so it was just a matter of time until we could visit regularly anyway.
So he drove home, we talked throughout the night as he drove north. We talked daily until last thurs fri. Everything was always great. we were planning a trip for me to visit in April etc. Sat we talked as he drove to his daughters gymnastics. He lives about 2.5 hours away, with his mom til he gets a job. Maintaining distance from the mother but close enough to visit every weekend. So we did the how was your day, week, etc. I said you must have been busy with job hunting, etc. He said yea and looking for a place to live but he said he was bored, sitting around, no life because he needs to make sure the money he has lasts til he gets work and even when he gets a job he won't have any kind of life because the hours. I could hear the frustration. then he said he just doesn't feel like talking to anyone lately. I told him that it was important to talk to me. He said he knows mumbled that he does this and sometimes he likes the alone time. which is fine. Then the conversation continued, we talked about the job he's waiting to hear about, my car, the weather, his mom, the baby, the area he lives in, and what airports i should look at for april. His phone beeped. He said he had another call and he'd call me back. That was Saturday. but he hasn't...no texts nothing. (and so far as I know, he's sitting around playing PS3, he set that up last Fri) He has still always told me call...i'll answer when i can. but he hasn't.
Before he moved...I would just go there. He always seemed relieved or happy to see me. Can't do that now.
I really haven't taken it personally. I mean occasionally a little voice says something about that but mostly my gut says he's in a place I can't go right now...be patient he'll answer....He's living with mom so hopefully there's some good mothering going on but eventually I'll hear from him.
I'm trying to find that strength to "give him space" after reading this though. I don't want to push him away. Its freaking me out that the very normal behavior we had might backfire.
I told him several times I would always be here. At the beginning and again this week I told him he will have to tell me if he wants me to stop. No matter what so its hard for me to just not reach out. I don't want him to think I am walking away or that I am mad that he hasn't responded. I am just worried.
I have sent texts just letting him know he can always call me or as I did before he moved just filling him in on different things from my day. He was concerned about my truck so I let him know I was waiting for his friend to get some free time so we could work on it stuff like that. I know a few times I got a little please call me or let me know you're ok. and I sent one that said You have to tell me if you want me to stop calling. You always told me keep trying and I trust you will talk to me like you always have.
And I guess I have a horror story that makes things cloudy in my mind. I went to a memorial ride for a soldier who came back a year before. Was at home....when he had a episode, flashback. He took off. He apparently took shelter in one of those cement drainage tubes...and starved....I have never been involved with anyone that was at war so the intimate connection has made this story super glued to the front of my brain.
I KNOW in my head that I need to focus on me too. Its just hard because I am worried and this is all so new to me. We went from planning my trip north to nothing. Like a slingshot ride to hell. I am going to move forward with my organizing and listing of the good stuff I was selling, etc this weekend. Hopefully it will help keep my mind occupied enough to pass the day without freaking out all day. Its part of my plan to move so I can't put that on hold....I wondered sometimes if he questioned whether i'd really do it so I can also show him I am moving ahead full force with my plans. One day he asked me if i was still considering Maryland. Just some of the little nuances you pick up in person ya know.
I don't know what to do or say. I am feeling quite helpless. I have always said, i just want to make him smile. He says I'm good at it but its not much good if we don't talk. I mean maybe he's smiling when he gets the cute ecards but i don't know.
I do have a friend who has PTSD and she told me to have patience he'll come around. I know when I get down (as if i am not right now) I tend to shut down myself at least as far as the rest of the world is concerned. Like now I focus on this....i have a couple of people who know whats going on and they'll hear from me. and I am sure I HOPE, that he is maintaining his communication with his daughter's mom because I don't want her holding it against him.
Well I shared. I feel like I am rambling.
We met in Sept. Started to get close in October and got intimate in November. He was very busy. 2 jobs. Always said just keep texting I'll respond when I can and he did. Always. I look back now and wonder if he wasn't preparing me since he knew this was something he did.
two weeks ago he moved north to be closer to his 3 year old daughter. The relationship with the mom has been...strained over the years but they both seem to want to at least be friendly for the baby's sake. They don't spend time alone together....there's always one of their parents around. He had confessed he was worried she'd send him back to heavy drinking. So of course I worry.
Before he left we discussed how we were staying in touch. we weren't losing each other. I was going to fly up. Before we met I was already moving that way so it was just a matter of time until we could visit regularly anyway.
So he drove home, we talked throughout the night as he drove north. We talked daily until last thurs fri. Everything was always great. we were planning a trip for me to visit in April etc. Sat we talked as he drove to his daughters gymnastics. He lives about 2.5 hours away, with his mom til he gets a job. Maintaining distance from the mother but close enough to visit every weekend. So we did the how was your day, week, etc. I said you must have been busy with job hunting, etc. He said yea and looking for a place to live but he said he was bored, sitting around, no life because he needs to make sure the money he has lasts til he gets work and even when he gets a job he won't have any kind of life because the hours. I could hear the frustration. then he said he just doesn't feel like talking to anyone lately. I told him that it was important to talk to me. He said he knows mumbled that he does this and sometimes he likes the alone time. which is fine. Then the conversation continued, we talked about the job he's waiting to hear about, my car, the weather, his mom, the baby, the area he lives in, and what airports i should look at for april. His phone beeped. He said he had another call and he'd call me back. That was Saturday. but he hasn't...no texts nothing. (and so far as I know, he's sitting around playing PS3, he set that up last Fri) He has still always told me call...i'll answer when i can. but he hasn't.
Before he moved...I would just go there. He always seemed relieved or happy to see me. Can't do that now.
I really haven't taken it personally. I mean occasionally a little voice says something about that but mostly my gut says he's in a place I can't go right now...be patient he'll answer....He's living with mom so hopefully there's some good mothering going on but eventually I'll hear from him.
I'm trying to find that strength to "give him space" after reading this though. I don't want to push him away. Its freaking me out that the very normal behavior we had might backfire.
I told him several times I would always be here. At the beginning and again this week I told him he will have to tell me if he wants me to stop. No matter what so its hard for me to just not reach out. I don't want him to think I am walking away or that I am mad that he hasn't responded. I am just worried.
I have sent texts just letting him know he can always call me or as I did before he moved just filling him in on different things from my day. He was concerned about my truck so I let him know I was waiting for his friend to get some free time so we could work on it stuff like that. I know a few times I got a little please call me or let me know you're ok. and I sent one that said You have to tell me if you want me to stop calling. You always told me keep trying and I trust you will talk to me like you always have.
And I guess I have a horror story that makes things cloudy in my mind. I went to a memorial ride for a soldier who came back a year before. Was at home....when he had a episode, flashback. He took off. He apparently took shelter in one of those cement drainage tubes...and starved....I have never been involved with anyone that was at war so the intimate connection has made this story super glued to the front of my brain.
I KNOW in my head that I need to focus on me too. Its just hard because I am worried and this is all so new to me. We went from planning my trip north to nothing. Like a slingshot ride to hell. I am going to move forward with my organizing and listing of the good stuff I was selling, etc this weekend. Hopefully it will help keep my mind occupied enough to pass the day without freaking out all day. Its part of my plan to move so I can't put that on hold....I wondered sometimes if he questioned whether i'd really do it so I can also show him I am moving ahead full force with my plans. One day he asked me if i was still considering Maryland. Just some of the little nuances you pick up in person ya know.
I don't know what to do or say. I am feeling quite helpless. I have always said, i just want to make him smile. He says I'm good at it but its not much good if we don't talk. I mean maybe he's smiling when he gets the cute ecards but i don't know.
I do have a friend who has PTSD and she told me to have patience he'll come around. I know when I get down (as if i am not right now) I tend to shut down myself at least as far as the rest of the world is concerned. Like now I focus on this....i have a couple of people who know whats going on and they'll hear from me. and I am sure I HOPE, that he is maintaining his communication with his daughter's mom because I don't want her holding it against him.
Well I shared. I feel like I am rambling.
