I just applied for retirement - I’m freaking out

[Sunnydays1]

After months of overthinking and much hesitancy, I’ve gathered up the courage and decided it’s for my best to retire early. I told my boss yesterday, she said she’s sad to hear it but she can’t stop me and wished me the best, I was happy that the process is going smoothly, but it’ll take 2-3 months.

Now, 1 day later I’m panicking, I’m so used to the hectic mornings and the stress of making it on time to work, and the work load & drama.. even though I work short hours, still it took my whole morning, and then I’d be home tired from traffic and work.

I’m frustrated with myself, I should be happy that I’ll finally be free to do whatever I want. This is such a toxic attachment, I hate being at work and yet I’m afraid to leave it, because I'm attached emotionally.

I struggle so much with big decisions, I keep going back and forth it’s embarrassing.

Please tell me if this is a valid reaction? That maybe I’m not ready for the quiet and peaceful stay at home mornings? Or is it my trauma response? I’m thinking it is because I can feel the fear in my heart and my stomach issues are flaring up.

How do I reassure myself? Half of me knows it’s the right decision and the other half is afraid.

 

[arfie]

i won't testify to validity, but one of my most recurring trauma responses is that anything worth thinking is worth overthinking. should i have bought the blue instead of the red? is that old grackle in the tree over there conspiring against me? should i turn left, right or stay straight?

sigh. . .

for the better, worse or the many shades in between, change is always hard, even when the change is clearly for the better. i hold that every emotion i experience during a major change is valid. the question is, what to do with the emotions as they arise.

side note
i retired from the work-a-day world in 1995 when i was 41. i still haven't found my perfect, stress-free life and not working is too boring for my taste, but it rocks being my own boss, except for the education of just how stupid a boss can be. i do kinda miss having socially distant bosses and coworkers i can blame for all my woes.

 

[Sunnydays1]

i retired from the work-a-day world in 1995 when i was 41. i still haven't found my perfect, stress-free life and not working is too boring for my taste, but it rocks being my own boss

What a coincidence! I'm also 41 and retiring soon.. and I'm terrified. Like you said it's clearly for the better, I hope I overcome the fear and finally get to enjoy my life.

 

[Movingforward10]

How do I reassure myself? Half of me knows it’s the right decision and the other half is afraid.

Change is scary. Even if it's change we have decided on and have half feelings that it is right. It is still the unknown. It is not familiar. It's a different phase of life.
All of that is very likely to make you doubt your decision and have conflicting feelings about it. Likely entirely usual reaction?

 

[Sunnydays1]

Likely entirely usual reaction?

So you're saying that it is normal to be afraid.
The positives of retirement (for me) outweigh the negatives, so whenever I get anxious about it I read the positives.
Still I feel panic creeping up on me, and I'm afraid that I'll have a panic attack about it.
How do I overcome this fear? That maybe I've made a mistake and I might regret leaving work, and worse: that I might be wanting to go back to work after actually retiring.

 

[Friday]

The first 6mo post retirement is a MASSIVE suicide risk uptick, statistically speaking. As people lose their “purpose”, in addition to their routines/schedules? It seems like a no-brainer. Of COURSE people would be hit hard. Except? The idea that retiring = bliss = so much a cultural concept it’s hard for most people to PLAN.

So the anxiety? Has a basis in reality. Subconscious shouting HEY!!! This isn’t one of those times to ignore the anxiety, but to recognize it, and put it to use… PLANNING.

You have a few months, to prep. What does your next YEAR look like? What routines do you WANT TO build? What passions? What projects? What purpose(s)? What gets you out of bed in the morning?

 

[Movingforward10]

How do I overcome this fear?

What usually works with grounding yourself?
Sometimes it helps me to remind myself of the positives, reminds myself this fear and panic will subside etc.

That maybe I've made a mistake and I might regret leaving work, and worse: that I might be wanting to go back to work after actually retiring.

Maybe change the language you're using. That sometimes helps to shift the narrative. For example, rather than seeing it as a mistake, what if you did change your mind about retiring later on? Would that be a bad thing? (I e. Could you get a job again?).
I know people who have officially retired but still work.

The fact that you're saying that the benefits outweigh the negatives shows you that you have really considered this decision, that you have weighed everything up, that you're aware that there are some downfalls but they are smaller than the benefits.
It all sounds a very thoughtful , considered decision.
One that might work out wonderfully.
Or one that you may, or may not, want to change later on.

 

[Sunnydays1]

The first 6mo post retirement is a MASSIVE suicide risk uptick, statistically speaking. As people lose their “purpose”, in addition to their routines/schedules? It seems like a no-brainer. Of COURSE people would be hit hard. Except? The idea that retiring = bliss = so much a cultural concept it’s hard for most people to PLAN.

So the anxiety? Has a basis in reality. Subconscious shouting HEY!!! This isn’t one of those times to ignore the anxiety, but to recognize it, and put it to use… PLANNING.

You have a few months, to prep. What does your next YEAR look like? What routines do you WANT TO build? What passions? What projects? What purpose(s)? What gets you out of bed in the morning?

Thank you for the heads up, in addition to my job, my plate is already full with familial responsibilities, and I find myself not having time for myself… yes I will have more free time, and honestly I don’t know what that will bring on, hence my anxiety and fear of the unknown future. I’m mostly afraid of regretting my decision to leave work, I worked at this place for 18 years, leaving would feel like I’m disintegrating a part of me, but there are a lot of positives that’ll come out of it, and negatives that I’m afraid of.

 

[Sunnydays1]

what if you did change your mind about retiring later on? Would that be a bad thing? (I e. Could you get a job again?).

Yes you’re right, I can get another job if I end up wanting to work again

It all sounds a very thoughtful , considered decision.

Yes I’ve been thinking about it for many months and going back and forth whether it’s a good idea or not.

 

[gorgonzola]

You have a few months, to prep. What does your next YEAR look like? What routines do you WANT TO build? What passions? What projects? What purpose(s)? What gets you out of bed in the morning?

Those of my friends and family who have adapted best to retirement seem to be those who knew what they wanted to do with their days, whether that be some large specific project or some class of smaller ones. Involving education of some kind (not necessarily formal) is a common plus.

 

[Sunnydays1]

Those of my friends and family who have adapted best to retirement seem to be those who knew what they wanted to do with their days, whether that be some large specific project or some class of smaller ones. Involving education of some kind (not necessarily formal) is a common plus.

I don’t have a project planned, but i like the idea of studying something I’m interested in. I actually have a silly dream of going back to school. God I hope I survive this new chapter of my life

 

[Freddyt]

You have a few months, to prep. What does your next YEAR look like? What routines do you WANT TO build? What passions? What projects? What purpose(s)? What gets you out of bed in the morning?

That's it exactly. Even doing simple things, every day, make it worth getting up in the morning.

My "retirement" was a little more forced because of cognition issues, which was hard to wrap my head around at first. BUT. I found things I wanted to do and despite them being double difficult at times, accepted what I could do and chipped away at getting them done. Going back to school, learning second language, there are tons of things you can do. With so much online you can take online courses from a lot of places now, at your pace, in your time.

I found a routine to be a great thing. I have breakfast - making what you want is fun and challenging, then go to some web forums, play some games on computer, work on my writing (for fun), and lately, I am working on getting my media server secured with Tailscale vs the old Domain, SSL certificate, and Dynamic DNS method. Oh, and doing artwork for my media server while doing the Photoshop "classroom in a book."

Follow your passions @Sunnydays1, and you always have things to learn and do!