Handling Seeing Your Abuser?

[Sarah_Rose]

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and my family had dinner at our house with just my brother, his girlfriend, my mom and dad and of course me. One of my uncles lives next door and he decided to have thanksgiving at his house as well but with a bunch of our other family members. We don't go only because my mom has severe anxiety and depression, she can't really leave the house so we opted to stay home with her.

My abuser was my older cousin. She happened to be one of the people attending my uncles thanksgiving. She walked by my house right by our window about three or four times... As you can imagine this caused me severe discomfort. Her father also stopped in our house and talked to my Dad for a little while. I just recently told my Dad about my abuse for the first time ever. My dad has definitely been keeping his distance from those relatives so that I don't get uncomfortable. But I asked him not to tell the whole family and make it a big deal, so its not as if we can totally keep her far away from me.

I still feel so much hatred towards her. I still hate what she did to me and how it has affected me. I still think she is an evil disgusting person. My meds definitely help keep my extreme flashbacks and hatred to a minimum, but when I actually see her it's impossible to not feel horrible.

How do you guys handle seeing your abusers? How do you deal with the anger? Do you feel that karma will some day sort them out or do you wish that you could somehow feel justice for how they hurt you?

 

[Seagreen]

There is no such thing as karma. There are just circumstances and choices. You were a victim of your cousins terrible choices and now you have to live with it. She has just been a more fortunate than you. It is not fair and it never will be.

How do you deal with anger? I'm not sure. What, if anything would make it easier for you to cope with seeing her?

 

[Sarah_Rose]

@Seagreen I personally don't believe in karma either. But my family is always trying to tell me it is real and that she will get hers. I disagree completely.

I don't think any real option could make me more comfortable seeing her. I only think I could be comfortable seeing her if I knew she was suffering some consequence of her actions. Sometimes I just wish the whole world knew how evil she was. That would give me some sort of peace. It's not fair for me to be the only one who truly understands what a horrible person she is. I think that's my biggest problem with all of it.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I've often thought about how I would face my abusers if I ever saw them? Unfortunately because this forum is audited as such it's best not that I write what I would do!!!! But for sure I would end up in prison, my only regret in this circumstance would be id be without my phone therefore be without the comfort , support and peace I gain from this forum !!!!
So maybe it is best that the forum is managed the way it is!!!

 

[Friday]

I handle it mainly through avoidance. Deciding not to kill them takes a helluva lot of energy, and I don't always have that much in reserves. If they're on my short-list? I stay as far away from them as possible. Especially when I'm edgy.

I don't give a good god damn what happens to them. More money than god with a sea of sycophants, or miserable and suffering in a gutter. I couldn't care less. They're dead to me. The only problem exists when they enter my sphere of influence, and remind me that they're still breathing. Hell of a lot of self control, that.

 

[Karen12]

I confronted my abusers. I never saw them again after that. Since I'm religious I believe that after they die they will pay for what they've done. They are both old now and as far as I know not in good health, so it's coming. I just leave that to God.

 

[Sarah_Rose]

@FridayJones that is something I totally relate too. It makes me feel better that someone has the same rage as I do.

 

[Seagreen]

Is confronting her at all possible? Or if not writing her a letter but never posting it? I'm sorry for the less than adequate suggestions. Its terrible that you have to feel this way. I wish I could come up with something better.