On Sunday I expressed to my best friend that I wanted more from our relationship than just a friendship. Since he has refused to have any "romantic" relationships every again, and knowing why and how he felt about this: It was the hardest thing that I have ever done.
What he doesn't seem to see is that we already have a relationship. We communicate without speaking, we are always together, our level of intimacy surpasses those of most married couples. We just have no physical contact. Therein lies my problem. and I admit it really is my problem. I am frustrated, and hurt, and I try very hard to understand, I am just not finding that place inside me that says "this is ok". I love him dearly and support him through all his battles, I can let him isolate when he needs it, and pull him back when he can't seem to find his way. His ptsd is the result of the only two "girlfriend" relationships he ever had. Both were violent and ending with trouble with the law.
We both see a therapist, but like my therapist said "until he realizes that he wants a relationship, therapy wont do any good. He only seeks out help for the issues that he wants to deal with.
I have spent the last few days reading things that others have posted, and I see that this isn't uncommon behavior for some suffers. But what about us the carers, when do we know it's time to back away. Love is always a complex issue, add other stuff to the mix, and it just gets more muddled. I believe in "holding on" especially when its something you believe in.
I am a person of black and white. I believe that is why I am so frustrated. He means the world to me and I am not willing to just let go.
I have been advised to "push" his boundries, because I am a safe person to him. Has this worked for others? Does trying to nudge someone out of their "safe" zone really help, or does it just force them further into themselves?
I really feel lost. any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks to all for letting me vent.
What he doesn't seem to see is that we already have a relationship. We communicate without speaking, we are always together, our level of intimacy surpasses those of most married couples. We just have no physical contact. Therein lies my problem. and I admit it really is my problem. I am frustrated, and hurt, and I try very hard to understand, I am just not finding that place inside me that says "this is ok". I love him dearly and support him through all his battles, I can let him isolate when he needs it, and pull him back when he can't seem to find his way. His ptsd is the result of the only two "girlfriend" relationships he ever had. Both were violent and ending with trouble with the law.
We both see a therapist, but like my therapist said "until he realizes that he wants a relationship, therapy wont do any good. He only seeks out help for the issues that he wants to deal with.
I have spent the last few days reading things that others have posted, and I see that this isn't uncommon behavior for some suffers. But what about us the carers, when do we know it's time to back away. Love is always a complex issue, add other stuff to the mix, and it just gets more muddled. I believe in "holding on" especially when its something you believe in.
I am a person of black and white. I believe that is why I am so frustrated. He means the world to me and I am not willing to just let go.
I have been advised to "push" his boundries, because I am a safe person to him. Has this worked for others? Does trying to nudge someone out of their "safe" zone really help, or does it just force them further into themselves?
I really feel lost. any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks to all for letting me vent.
