Hi everyone. I am a 21 year old student, well play-pretend student atleast. Haven't really focused on anything the last 2-3years, my only passions/hobbies have been drugs and training. I am now in therapy and have been clean from everything all 2012.. Here goes an intro/story
I grew up with a single mother who was very troubled. She was an addict all my life, and i think she was an addict her entire life from a very young age also. I can imagine she had a worse childhood then me(without going into detail). I've had minimal contact with my father and I never wanted to live with him anyways, even though he was what people would call "normal"... Anyways I lived with my mother and loved her very much. She had periods were she slept all day and I just took care of myself from a young age. I didn't even know it was normal to eat dinner(reguarly) before I was around 13-14years. She also had periods were she was very angry and mental abusive. Called me nasty stuff and affected me in a negative way. But mainly she slept, and sometimes she was what I like to call "herself". She was happy, clean and the best mother i could have. This was unfortunalty not very often. We had a lot of bad episodes over the years, and then one day when I was 18y I found her dead home. This is about exactly 3years ago now
After I found her dead things really changed on my part. I was always the "hard"/tough among friends. I sustained pain well, I managed things easily and was cold/unaffected. But with this death my guard/shield has never been the same. I feel in love for the first time only a month after her passing. It was a HARD time. I was very crazy and did lots of crazy stuff which it's almost a miracle I survived. People don't look at me as tough anymore, just emotional and crazy..I started "self-medication" to put it lightly, and here I am 3years later. Almost 22years old with PTSD, but atleast I am clean. My symptoms have become much better after I started therapy and quit drugs. I got a major panic-attack in the end of 2011 and realized I had to change my ways of I wanted to survive. So everything has changed, and now I don't have nausea, dizziness or a dissoative feeling all the time. I comes and goes, but I've had progress the last months. Thanks everyone
I grew up with a single mother who was very troubled. She was an addict all my life, and i think she was an addict her entire life from a very young age also. I can imagine she had a worse childhood then me(without going into detail). I've had minimal contact with my father and I never wanted to live with him anyways, even though he was what people would call "normal"... Anyways I lived with my mother and loved her very much. She had periods were she slept all day and I just took care of myself from a young age. I didn't even know it was normal to eat dinner(reguarly) before I was around 13-14years. She also had periods were she was very angry and mental abusive. Called me nasty stuff and affected me in a negative way. But mainly she slept, and sometimes she was what I like to call "herself". She was happy, clean and the best mother i could have. This was unfortunalty not very often. We had a lot of bad episodes over the years, and then one day when I was 18y I found her dead home. This is about exactly 3years ago now
After I found her dead things really changed on my part. I was always the "hard"/tough among friends. I sustained pain well, I managed things easily and was cold/unaffected. But with this death my guard/shield has never been the same. I feel in love for the first time only a month after her passing. It was a HARD time. I was very crazy and did lots of crazy stuff which it's almost a miracle I survived. People don't look at me as tough anymore, just emotional and crazy..I started "self-medication" to put it lightly, and here I am 3years later. Almost 22years old with PTSD, but atleast I am clean. My symptoms have become much better after I started therapy and quit drugs. I got a major panic-attack in the end of 2011 and realized I had to change my ways of I wanted to survive. So everything has changed, and now I don't have nausea, dizziness or a dissoative feeling all the time. I comes and goes, but I've had progress the last months. Thanks everyone
