Has A Supporter Ever Regained Your Trust Once You'd Decided It Was Gone?

[The Albatross]

I hold myself to my own standard, I do not hold others to the standard I set for myself. The key words are "the same courtesy I would HOPE others would extend to me". I give it without expecting recompense.

 

[Tinyflame]

I understand @The Albatross , thanks. Oddly I try to do that too, or stop myself when I don't- I feel badly if I don't. I guess I do see it as the end in itself (I don't require compensense either, is what I mean), but I can't help feel I know what it says back to me through the actions, or words, or both. I guess I internalize it. But, it doesn't matter really, I guess.

 

[The Albatross]

Feelings are not facts.

 

[Tinyflame]

No, but are actions and words not facts?

 

[The Albatross]

Not when there are other possibilities or aspects that you may not be aware of because you don't ask, they're not.

 

[The Albatross]

Enough really. Off this topic, as you're really not inclined to entertain the slightest possibility that your capable of misjudgment in this area. I know I am and giving courtesy without recompense is my own standard. It works for me.

If what you think works for you, great.

 

[Tinyflame]

Well actually, I didn't realize that, as per your post #76, but thank you for the help and Al as well, sorry for causing the frustration or compromising the thread.

 

[The Albatross]

It's not you, it's me. I'm in nicotine withdrawal and am really tense and edgy. I just need to stop the conversation for a while. But your post was #76.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @The Albatross hope you read one more, meant #77 ('actions and words are not facts if..'). It isn't you Alby, I have a hard time grasping things that should be easy. :( Sometimes it seems hopeless but it's all I've got to work with. I heard this morning 'we can put up walls'. I can't remember anything else but the important part is I've got a feeling that is relevant to Al's question here and the difficulties.

I've been struggling to quit smoking too. Not sure if it works for you but I try a sip of cold water (it raises blood sugar apparently). I use smoking (associate it with grounding) amd have terrible SI when I don't so I can relate to that much.

Thanks again. :hug:

 

[The Albatross]

We can put up walls... provided we acknowledge on a fundamental level that they don't just keep things out, they keep things in.

 

[Al_Lurker]

.... But not necessarily forcing myself to be where or in ways I am not acceptable as a human being.

This disturbs me to read for some reason I can't seem to pinpoint? Maybe I just don't understand.. If someone is treating you as if you are "not acceptable as a human being" that is abuse. I understand why you would want to avoid that, but is that the way to continue your path to recovery? You are a human, you deserve to be treated with respect in every event. I understand that overtly standing up for yourself and openly challenging that kind of behavior is extremely difficult but must you assume that it's your fault that they've treated you like this and accept it as a flaw of yours? Must you accept their view even if you can't challenge it for whatever reason? Is it possible for you to use that as further validation that they don't have anything to teach you because they are 'beneath' you by the very fact they've mistreated you? isn't trusting in one's own self, your own validity, an important step to healing?

 

[Al_Lurker]

.... acknowledge on a fundamental level that they don't just keep things out, they keep things in.

Those walls can form a safe haven or a prison cell. Depends only on which side the door is locked from and who you trust to keep the keys.