Has Anyone Been Able To Be Intimate And Enjoy It Again?

[falling]

I have PTSD stemming from a rape that happened 12 yrs ago. After I went through treatment for depression, etc I was able to enjoy sex for years. I did not think about the rape during times of intimacy. I was very open minded with exploring the sexual world with my partner.

Recently I am at a very low point as the PTSD and depression has returned after a recent visit to my childhood home. I remembered being sexually abused by my babysitter. I don't know why it came back now and I had not remembered it before. I had some 'odd' memories but recently it all came flooding back. I am seeking treatment for the PTSD symptoms but it's a work in progress.

I have not been able to have sex or allow my bf to touch my body in a sexual way since the memories came back. I have been able to give him pleasure a couple of times but I cannot be touched myself. I want to want him like I use too and I want to get back to being able to enjoy sex again. I simply have no desire right now and everytime I think of allowing my loving bf to touch me the memory of the sitter touching me comes back and I go numb and simply close off totally. I often can't even kiss my bf and when he hugs me I have to keep telling myself how much he loves me in order to allow it.

My question is this-Is there anyone that has PTSD due to an unwanted sexual act been able to get "past" that and be sexual again and enjoy it?Did you have a stage where you would be reminded about the sexual abuse when you tried to be intimate?Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can go about working on 'getting past' this?

I understand if I don't get responses as I realize this topic is very personal and uncomfortable for most. And I know there is nothign someone will/can say that will magically allow me to "get over it". I'm simply looking for understanding and or suggestions.

 

[oneandonlyMOM]

... just know that it is possible.
I can't get my thoughts together yet, but you can get past this.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

For me, personally, sex is a open topic. It's healthy, it's normal. I enjoy the topic.

It is possible yes. And you should probably be easy on yourself. You have been able to before and like you said, you aren't doing well now. In times of depression it is common for people, even non-rape victims to lose interest in sex. Be kind to yourself and talk about your feelings. With your partner, therapist or just a diary. That helps me a lot.

I used to have issues with sex and still do at times. My medication doesn't help. Husband is understanding and I have taken to reading about it to help me work through those times and realize I am not alone.

Wishing you the best and offering my support,

Ayesha

 

[kahlan]

I'm not a ptsd sufferer, but due to being molested then raped, I do have periods of time that I don't want to be touched, period! But they do pass. Like ayesha said don't be too hard on yourself, it will pass. Just be open with your partner that you just can't be that for them right now, and don't force yourself to.do anything that makes you uncomfortable because it will just build resentment. Good luck :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

In a word, yes. Molested by a female, so it's only females who freak me out. I don't have issues when I'm having sex with guys. My brain has always told me guys=safe, females=unsafe. But, it sounds like your situation is a bit different and you don't differentiate one sex from the other in terms of safeness like I do.

 

[Leah123]

My question is this-Is there anyone that has PTSD due to an unwanted sexual act been able to get "past" that and be sexual again and enjoy it?Did you have a stage where you would be reminded about the sexual abuse when you tried to be intimate?

Yes, absolutely. I basically used three techniques. First, grounding, i.e. asking my partner to talk to me, acknowledging the thought and combating it by taking an inventory of where I was. Second, substitution: taking the intrusive thought and changing it to something else sexual that was not tainted. Third, dismissal, basically, telling myself a firm "no" - don't think about it. It took me a while.

Not perfect, but worked.

Now I'm working w/my therapist to actually let the thought play out a bit, and tell the story of what happens to me, the flashbacks, etc. so I can work through it directly instead of going around it- so instead of having those thoughts stop me in my tracks sometimes, because sometimes they come back up, just like with you. I think the theory is that in the past, my techniques worked to let me push the thoughts aside, but I may get to an even better place if I can push through and past them...

 

[falling]

Thanks to all of you that were kind and brave enough to reply to such a question. I very much value your opinions and am hoping to learn more ways to cope with the flashbacks.

Leah123-Thank you especially for telling me ways in which you are able to deal with the memories. I think your methods are well worth trying and the grounding is what I'm trying to learn in order to get my anxiety under control. I have apts coming up with my T for CBT and a sexual abuse counselor to learn skills such as grounding. Just the thought of having my bf touch my privates and having the memory come to me at that moment makes me feel panicked.

It's comforting to know that there are ppl out there that have been through this and are still able to have a sexual relationship afterwards.


Thank you.

 

[Leah123]

P.S. This might be too much info, ha, but... I'm a fairly sexual person, and I think it helped that I read a fair amount of erotica, looked at porn that I found appealing, etc., because it gave me a lot of other visuals and ideas that I could... sort of... have at the ready when intrusive thoughts bothered me. Other people might just have great fantasies or something, but that didn't come naturally to me, so having something concrete was a really helpful diversion.

It drives me crazy, how unfair it is for our sexuality to be tainted by abuse, however, it does get better- even with ups and downs, overall it gets WAY better. :)

 

[falling]

Thank you Leah for being so open. I use to be a fairly sexual person but now I can't even hug!:( I'm looking forward to getting it back tho at some point as is my bf I'm sure. Ha.

 

[Leah123]

My sweet therapist... we had a long painful talk about this today. Kinda grueling, but good, I think. She told me whenever I had an intrusive thought for now, to tear it in half like a picture and send it to her to hold on to.

I'm so sorry you're struggling. I find it depressing, frustrating, and just plain awful when I do, but it does get better, in fact, it can get great! Are you open enough w/your boyfriend to tell him you're struggling w/the memories and have him help with the grounding? My therapist suggested I do that w/my husband, a thought I'm mulling over until later.

 

[shell]

Yes, by focusing on non sexual touch over several months, always with the lights on looking in each others eyes.

I set the pace, remind myself that I am safe and stop means just that, stop.

 

[ill]

What worked for me is that my partner completely respected my boundaries. He never questioned them, he never got angry about them, he never tried to make me feel guilty or ashamed. He just kept loving and supporting me. Basically, he made me feel safe, over and over and over again, and slowly, as I felt safer, I wanted to be more intimate. Of course, at the same time, I was in counseling and trying to work through things myself, but his actions really made a massive difference. I was allowed to feel what I was feeling and my body and person were respected - the opposite of sexual assault/abuse.