Has Anyone Ever Calmed Down In Response To Being Told To Please Calm Down?

[Justmehere]

Seriously.

I was massively triggered by an abuser violating a restraint order this morning and contacting me and threatening me. An attorney and an officer both told me to "please relax."

Right, ok sure. Why didn't I think of the "please relax" plan?

You get a death threats from a violent convicted criminal connected to a convicted killer free on parole, who both could benefit from you being dead and who have manipulated the system many times, and you just relax. Because that is a totally RELAXING situation. Right next to walking along the beach on a tropical vacation. I men's really, everyone pictures death threats as a way to relax, right?

Of course I do need to chill, and not panic, but stay grounded so I can make better decisions...

But geez.

Vent over.

 

[DaisySH]

Wow, jmh, that really sucks... I can definitely say that people that do not understand will say, hey just relax! Well, asshole don't u think if I could "just relax" I wouldn't have done that? ugh, people get me so mad...I had a panic attack on Saturday and I just kept trying my best to focus on the moment and realize that I was safe, and that hopefully my feelings of anxiety and panic would seize. I am by no means a person so give advice, but just know that I know what you experienced and I am here to listen and support.

 

[Casey_03]

I couldn't agree more, that is the worst thing someone can say. I've always thought it would be better to hand someone a bunch of breakables (glass plates, vases, what have you) and tell them to just start smashing everything. THAT would actually help matters. But mantras like "please relax" and "calm down" are never helpful. It just somehow feels like your feelings are being minimized when people say that. On the flip side of the coin though, I think many people say these things like a reflex and don't realize it's a senseless thing to say.

 

[Friday]

Lol. Yes, as a matter of fact, that usually works on me. I either mind my bearing, ASAP, or slug them across the face. Cough. Which I should know better than to do. Too many bones in the face. It is calming, though. ;)

 

[mary1979]

Hahaha @FridayJones, that is exactly what that kind of comment does to me in a panic state, like instantly from tears to rage.


How terrible justmehere, you are so brave for dealing with all that without needing to be hospitalised xxx

 

[Ocean5]

Just the type of comment to make things worse - even though they are meant with good intentions. But "please relax" uhh....*explicit words*

Sure let me make us a cup of tea to relax over (while I research best protections dogs, gun, and pepper spray.) Any "useful" advice besides to "relax?"

Sorry you are going through this @Justmehere *hug* if you accept

 

[Suzetig]

There's a meme doing the rounds that says "never in the history of calming down has someone calmed down after being told to calm down" - which about sums up my thinking on it.

I don't like being anxious or panicky, it's not my chosen way of being. If I could calm down, don't they think I would have done it already!

 

[Geoffry777]

Seriously.

I was massively triggered by an abuser violating a restraint order this morning and conta...

I agree....I think you need to be told you are loved...and that I trust you to make it through this tough time....so that's wgat I'll give you!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It never worked on me, only pissed me off! Platitudes.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I've been told "Stop it, you're scaring me!" in the middle of a prolonged panic attack. I think that's probably about the equivalent. I was aware of it in a detached way... but, no, it didn't help! If anything, the opposite. Sigh.

 

[Enaila]

Lol. Yes, as a matter of fact, that usually works on me. I either mind my bearing, ASAP, or slug them acr...

Your posts bring a smile to my face. Someday I hope to get to point I can say what I am thinking without hearing my mom or dad's voice shaming me.

@Justmehere Can you get a letter from your therapist stating you have anxiety or ptsd? My therapist suggested I keep a card in my wallet stating police officers are a trigger to my PTSD, in case I was ever pulled over for traffic stop or needed to speak to an officer. I have a phobia of officers, so me shaking, having difficulty speaking, and possibly disassociating might make them think I was on drugs or hiding something. An officer telling me to calm down would probably result in me disassociating or going into fight or flight, neither of which would be a good response. Remember to breathe!

 

[Freedomfighter]

Seriously.

I was massively triggered by an abuser violating a restraint order this morning and conta...

Yeah, that really sucks, someone, after you are harassed and fear for your life, trying to tell you to relax. That is a good one, just once I would like to listen to a human being that can really communicate correctly with me after realizing that I was just harassed and that I am fearful. Just once would I like to witness the correct response to that.