Has Anyone Ever Experienced This?

[invisible survivor]

I have flashbacks of my childhood but I only get them really bad when I am at my therapist office. I can't afford to have them anyother time because work is so demanding and I am a mother of two and I have a husband who knows I am in counseling but doesn't want to know anything about it.(not really sure why that is) anyway I don't remember hardly anything about my past but I am slowly remembering bits and pieces of it. But only at my thearpist. The rest of the week I sorta just check out so to say. (Not sure what that is either) but I am able to work and do other things fairly easy that way. But today was extremely hard for some reason. I found my mind wandering off and I found myself walking around aimlessly. I really can't say that I was remembering anything because it was like I wasn't thinking at all. It was kinda scary. What causes me to have flashbacks at the therapist office and not during the week? Why do I always feel like I am dazed during the week? My thearpist says that I need to be put on meds but I don't get. I thought meds were to help with emotions and she told me that one of my problems was numbing it all. Isn't that what meds do?

Sorry this is so long but I have so many questions and I am very confused and I feel so alone. I have noons to talk to.

 

[James B.]

Hello invisible survivor - I can sure relate to what you wrote. Let me start by saying I've been dealing with my trauma, in and out of therapy, thinking about or coping with my trauma, on and off medications for over 20 years.

IT really does get better over time. Think its pretty healthy you deal directly in your therapists office. Sounds like you have a good rapport. This for me was so key. Undertsanding what's going on in our heads takes time, but things do get sorted out. And, like I said, it really does get better.

My mind usedta wander off a lot, especially when I was trying to get a grip on the actual incidents of my trauma. I think its pretty natural. Confusing and scary sometime - but my brain was (and sometimes still does) work overtime accessing the "old files".

Regarding medications: been on both sides of the fence on this one. Took me a long time to find the right ones. Like many things relating to PTSD, medication kinda has a stigma. These days my meds are helping cut down and level off my anxiety disorder. This has helped me get a grip on a lot of things. Its helped me focus and write my diary, and helped me get much better clarity day to day.

Lucky I found the right meds, keeping fingers crossed they keep working. Its touchy stuff - for me, meds should *help* me do better, so I can take the other steps taking care of my anxiety disorder, and healing my trauma.

Anyway - not sure if any of this helps, just wanted to stop by and offer some words of encouragement. Good luck, therapy is hard work, the payoff takes time but its well worth it.

Best wishes on your path to a better life, invisible survivor - take care. :-)

James B.

 

[invisible survivor]

Thanks so much

 

[spero]

When I was in more active therapy I tended to dissociate more at the therapist's office because I was so anxious to even be there. It still hasn't gotten better, much, but I also don't go as often as I used to. I still tend to avoid whatever I can so it doesn't happen. I am able to be a bit more present now because I have a job I need to focus on but once I am done for the day, if I don't have things to keep me occupied, I tend to drift a bit and feel and think about all the things that bring up the PTSD stuff.

I tried meds but none ever did a whole lot for me. I am on the smallest dose a person can take (almost) of seroquel which helps me, mostly, to stay asleep a bit better. It did help on a slightly higher dose with anxiety, but eating better was part of it too I am sure.

Meds are definitely something personal that each person needs to decide. I went through a lot of the main ones when I was a teen. I have learned which two I can tolerate and which ones made me way, way worse. It is hard because everyone's body reacts different, so you can't always even go by what people say about them.

Good luck.

 

[KwanYingirl]

They don't call healing from PTSD a journey for no reason. The symptoms wax and wane. Days lost to dissociation. Intrusive memories bum us out. They send me into orbit. Healing takes courage and determination to stick with the therapy until you can develop a trusting relationship and faith that your T and the folks here are really on your side rooting for you.

I take meds for anxiety, depression and sleep. I've been at this for 15 years and I've tried many meds. I want to get better so I stick with the advice I get from those who have gone before me. Hang in there
"Fall seven times, get up eight"

 

[KatM]

I have flashbacks of my childhood but I only get them really bad when I am at my therapist office.....

I know this is uncomfortable -- I've been there, too. I wonder if your psyche is taking the "opportunity" therapy offers to show you some scenes from childhood in an attempt to help you heal the emotional wounds.

It took me many years of therapy to dig under the surface and heal those wounds, as I wrote in my recovery memoir "The Box of Daughter" -- and always, my psyche would toss out one picture or another, or more often a feeling, and then it needs to be dealt with.

Numbing is a way of not feeling the feelings. The more you can let go of feelings by grieving if you need to, or finding healthy outlets for anger (like punching pillows), the better you'll feel over time. It takes awhile, but now that I'm on the other side, the journey has totally been worth it. I'm happier and feel more free than I ever did before.

I wish you comfort and peace.
Katherine