Hating Life

[Bill Dickerson]

I have come to the conclusion I hate what my life is now. I am having a hard time finding any peace much less any joy. Seems to have been like this for years. Was going to move out into the county but that didn't work out.

I look forward to seeing my kids and my ex's foster kids about once a week. Other than that I can't find much to even anticipate. I hate going to sleep and each day seems to be wasted.

I've had Vertigo for the last few days which makes it a struggle not to puke. I planned on painting my shop last week but my damn paint sprayer stopped working and it took a week to get another part. Now I have the part and oh joy I can't because I'll puke everywhere.

I looked back at the post and now it appears I'm just whining. I guess it could be worse.... the zombies could be attacking I suppose.

I've considered joining the YMCA. Thought maybe working out would help. Lots of people there...I hate adults....too much drama... Winter is coming on soon and I hate winter. My depression gets 10 times worse. Maybe working out would help. I was once a gym rat ...when I was working.

I've got to find something to hang on to.

Anybody have any suggestions?

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi Bill,

Vertigo, vomiting, hating current circumstances, fearful of the future - oh yeah... I know this...

My heart is with you.

Just having finished a piece of peppermint, and in a little while, going to get my stash of organic, crystallized ginger (sugar infused) to munch on to quell intense nausea (infection), I want to encourage you. Ginger has a number of wonderful anti-nausea, anti-vertigo compounds that happen to wonderously taste good, too.

I'm wondering if your earlier paint-spraying made you so sick. If you did it without protective gear (especially a mask), you gave yourself a whopping dose of toxic chemicals that your body now has to fight to eliminate - including through vomiting. There are things you can do to help you eliminate these toxic chems more quickly and reducing the strain on your liver, kidneys, etc... (I know this because I spent time in a specialized hospital dealing with severe illness from toxic chem exposure. There was a professional painter there, too.)

Each day (sometimes often), I deliberately say out loud that I choose life, and that I'm grateful for this gift.
I focus on this, because if I look at my circumstances, feeling how much I currently hate my life, I have repeatedly crumbled under the overwhelming depression and despair.

There is much more, but all I can write - it's time to go get relief with ginger. If you try this pleasant remedy (found in grocery and health food stores), you'll want to nibble on it and have glass of water, tea, etc with you - ginger has a bite!

I hope you feel much better soon, in all ways, Bill. I wish you comfort and healing.
Deer

 

[Theresa1122]

Have you tried meditation? It may help calm your nerves and your body and maybe lift your spirits too. I've recently started and it's helped me a lot already.

Also, the peppermint is a really good idea to help your stomach. I make peppermint hot cocoa and it helped my uncle and my cousin's son both to calm their stomachs when they were both going through chemo.

I hope you feel better soon. :hug:s

 

[Bill Dickerson]

It's not the paint. I could never get the damn sprayer started. It's an inner ear thing.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

That's a very good thing! Whew! Chemical detox is never fun!
I wasnt sure if the sprayer didn't work at all, or if it clogged/broke while using it.

Inner ear stuff isn't fun, either! Are you on Antivert?
I tried niacin for my vertigo - it's supposed to be very helpful. (I couldn't handle the flush side-effect, but you might be helped.). Ginger, again, is very useful for this.
Positional therapy is often very helpful for vertigo. (I'll try to find a link for you.)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benign_paroxysmal_positional_vertigo

My toxic-chemical detox got rid of my vertigo. Phenol was the main culprit for me (which is in a lot of products!). Vitamin C and magnesium is very helpful. You can soak in a tub with Epsom Salts (MgSO4), and that way you can get magnesium into you transdermally, which really helps your body heal, without the diarrhea side-effect if you overdo taking magnesium orally. Magnesium also helps lighten depression.

Gtg, but I'll check back ASAP. I'm worried for you, Bill
Deer

 

[Changing4Best]

Maybe you might want to get into some kind of hobby. I love my fish aquarium, and my fish. It keeps me happy and it also calms my spirit, just to sit there and watch the fish peacefully swim around in it.

 

[Ocean5]

Vomiting...I knew it was bad when I stopped leaving apartment, and always having to clean sink from vomit.... Then a relative told me over phone to keep a plastic bag with me to leave apartment....

Not sure if it will help you, but after I eat I lay down for 10-15 minutes so I don't vomit. Brush teeth very quickly so I don't gag, and vomit.

I use to be so physically fit...now 15 minute walk is hard...so I can relate.

Maybe exercise equipment you can use at home? Even stretch bands, or adjustable dumbbells. At least just to get you started.

Winters do make depression so much worse. Have you tried light therapy? Check out Lightphoria

As someone else said I also recommend ginger, and peppermint tea.

Wish you the best.