Hating Myself For Being A Broken Mom

[Stickler]

Hon, he's a grown man.
He makes his own choices.
He has to own that stuff.

 

[shimmerz]

And he doesn't know I feel guilty. I don't share that with him. especially if he is playing games...too much ammo for him to use.He won't LET me love him. He has too many rules. Not boundaries, but rules... and they are subject to change. It is just too crazy making for me. Too frustrating... So I will do the only thing I can do.. get on the road to self forgiveness....

My god this is so helpful for me @ladee. I so appreciate this. I could never find the words. Thank you.

 

[ladee]

@Stickler, yes he does. And I do feel compassion for what he will deal with some day, if at all. I hope for his daughters sake he does... but now that I am more centered, I once again 'get it', that he has his own journey, and the only one I can fix is me.
@jojo88, maybe that is part of it.. he is stuck in victim mode.And until I can learn to forgive myself, and get on with things, and not stay stuck because he is, then he will have no one to play the game with will he... Bless his heart.. I want to tell him to get on with it, but he will have his own motivations one day. Not my job.
Thanks to each of you who took the time to reply today... so glad I posted and did not set on this for days. onward thru the fog, and getting rid of the burning mattress.... lots of :hug:'s to all of you.... tomorrow is a new day.

 

[ladee]

Oh @shimmerz, it makes me so happy to know something I am going thru and so many others relate to ,is also helping you. And the healing continues, for all of us, at our own pace. Hope the way is a little clearer for you as it is for me... :hug:

 

[ladee]

Update. Again, thank all of you for sharing,comforting and supporting. Went on to have a good day. He called last night, and I felt like I was 'listening' different, if that makes sense. When he would get started on something negative, I would gently redirect the conversation instead of the deep sighing resignation to another guilt trip. Thanks for helping me to see myself in a different light... a new beginning.. Thank you from my heart !!