...W and I had a very positive phone conversation. He's been dealing with some very legit stress (on top of the PTSD) and we were able to talk about it very openly. He then asked me if there was anything on my mind that I wanted to share... to include his living arrangements next year. So I was feeling very assured FOR ONCE in 6 months. Now, silence. A f*cking week of silence. Not altogether too unusual but it just sucks and makes me wonder if I am holding on to an apparition.
Diggin,
A view from my own experience on the other side of that fence:
I have been crushed, just crushed with stress during the last year. Economic down-turn bringing my businesses income down 3/4. Having to lay off most of my employees and because these people are within my sphere of influence I feel it double, one as the boss, the other as a friend. But long story short, that stress, plus the fact that my honey was unemployed so I have had to prop her up as well....f*cking hell. Anyway, I froze. It was next to impossible for me to do anything. Now lets add relationship stress into the mix and I just could not handle it at all.
It would piss me right off if T did not call me. But would I call her? Sometimes, but usually not. Then when we would talk, I could tell she wanted me to talk about stuff, but my "Suck it the f*ck Up," would kick in an I would not say anything because I did not want to lay all that stuff on here—I am the man, I am supposed to be the rock, blah, blah, blah... So instead I said, Yep, Yes, Nope, No. One or two syllable words and our phone calls would be mostly silence.
Her stress mattered to me, but when she would lay it on me...well my reaction was to get pissed off.
Why? Couldn't she see that I was buried with stress? Do I really need more? Can't she read my goddamn mind!? Of course she couldn't and I wasn't talking about it. Nasty, evil, circle of doom. In the end, I wanted to call it off. But she preempted me. And that is when my house fell in. I finally broke. I found this site. I started looking for therapy. I really tried to get her back. Thank God she gave me a second chance. Because. Well to be honest, if she hadn't I am not sure that I would be here right now...It may have been too much for me to take.
Not knowing you two or your relationship very well. Here is my read. He is buried in a literal pile of shit and is trying his damnedest to dig out. However, inside the pile, he can't see out, it is dark and he does not know which direction to dig. The fact that he is talking to you about the future means that he still believes that there is a future. However, the guilt, pain, stress of that may have him digging in the wrong direction! (Note: Yes the digging is a reference to your handle :p)
As for you talking to your friends. Well again, this is my own experience so don't take it for wrote. Humans are social creatures. Our relationships are made stronger (or weaker) by our friends. As you can't/don't talk to your friends about it. They only see the pile of shit occasionally walking around with you. And nobody wants to be around that. They just want you to be okay. So of course their reaction is to tell you to cut bait. In my world, the Lizard on my shoulder told me not to talk to my friends. That they didn't want to hear my problems. That even if they did want to hear it, they would not be able to do anything about it...so why tell them. But when my house fell in. I had no choice. I could not help my self out, I HAD to hold out my hand and ask for help. Guess what? All of my friends were there. All of them. Even the ones that were telling me to cut bait. Even the ones who had distanced themselves from me came to my aid. They were there and once I told them what was really going on, they wanted to help and their attitude changed regarding my relationship (both on my end and her end). All you people here were here for me. It f*cking blew my mind. It made me feel like a complete idiot too. All those years of sucking it the f*ck up and listening to the Lizard....
Anyway, my advice to you is to talk to your friends. Tell them what is going on. As you can't really understand what he is going through, they are not either. Although they can in concept at least. And that is what matters. I am about to sound like a political TV ad, but here goes. It takes a village. PTSD is not something that can be dealt with alone. It takes our spouses, our children, our friends, therapists, and our governments to deal with it.
Keep being there for W. He sounds like he is digging hard, but can just keep his head out right now. Talk to him when you can. Listen to him when he talks. Hold him when he is not too prickly. Give him some space when he needs it.
Now I have to go back to digging out of my own pile. >>pinches nose and dives in<<
