Dom Violence He Almost Killed Me Its All My Fault!!!

[Meblu2u]

On Jan 23, 2016 a man I truly loved had tried to kill me after three years of him telling me he was going to kill me if I leave the mental abuse I dealt with I tried to get him help for his Anxiety. I told people I need help in settle ways but he was always there. The day came when he strangulation came I have Four discs in my neck that I need surgery I have a shoulder injury. If I would've just listened to him when he asked me to do something maybe he wouldn't have hurt me the way he did I blame myself everyday I wake up in the middle of the night with night mares of whether or not if I was alive seeing a officer asking for my children. Seeing the swat hearing dogs. Why didn't I listen?

 

[Jnean]

It is not your fault. You are not to blame. It's normal to feel this way though. I am sorry, I feel like I know what you are going through, from 15 years ago when I survived my ex abuser strangling me. You are a survivor!

 

[Meblu2u]

Thank you I feel like I could've done something more. Why is it when everyone asks me how do I feel I smile I say I'm ok I can't give an answer. I just keep smiling and say I am thankful to be alive

 

[Stickler]

You did not control his reactions.
He chose to do all that.

Abusers don't lose control, they choose to drop control.
They feel entitled to hurt you to control and overpower YOU.

We all choose our response.
He chose to do all those things.

 

[Meblu2u]

He blamed me everyday for everything even when I asked him if he wanted to do some of those things he was so passive aggressive then extremely violent at other times. I tryed so hard. Then he would tell me he gave up everything for me when I asked him if he wanted me to do something he would say no then blame me. Then the threats over and over again. He said he gave up his friends for me since we lived in a different state and when I asked to go visit them he said NO he never introduced me to any of his family then said he doesn't see them but he blamed me for that then threats over again

 

[Neverthesame]

I don't doubt for a second that you did all you could.

You could have done everything 100% perfect every time, he still would have found fault. Even if he had to pull it out of his ass, he'd have found something.

I am glad you are still alive, you deserve to be. I'm also you are free from his abuse now, you deserve to be.

I hope you are able to find some peace and happiness for yourself now as well. For this is something else you deserve to have.

You don't deserve to be abused.
You don't deserve to be afraid.
You don't deserve to be in pain.

You deserve to be loved.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to enjoy your life, and your children's lives in comfort and safety.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[The Albatross]

Strangulation was part of my first marriage's domestic abuse and physical violence as well. I am very sorry for your injuries... I was a bit more fortunate but I had other damage (head trauma including temporary blindness) from being battered/assaulted.

Gas lighting and victim blaming, controlling is part and parcel with domestic violence... as the abuse continued to escalate in my own first marriage I did come to understand that nothing I really ever could have said or done would have prevented his outbursts and the increasing viciousness (including rapes and sexual sadism) of his attacks.

I too, like you shared... basically told everybody, "In the end, when it all came down to it... I realized and am very glad to still be breathing." So I get this.

Any domestic violence groups in your area?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

What you went through is not your fault!

He chose to do what he did, you doing or not doing something is in now way a reason to abuse someone. An abusive person is an abusive person, no matter how you put it.

Is there any support you can get nearby? :hug:

 

[Stickler]

You could have done everything 100% perfect every time, he still would have found fault. Even if he had to pull it out of his ass, he'd have found something.

^THIS!^
Why?
Because it makes him feel good about himself to beat, brainwash and terrorize someone.

...I suspect he has no contact with his family because they might call the cops on his psycho ass if he showed up at their houses.
Or he ripped them off for large amounts of money.
Or he beat and/or sexually abused his siblings or parents or extended family.
Something like that; he got himself thrown out of his family.
He is THAT kind of special person.

I would not be surprised if his "friends" are actually scam victims. If he even has friends.

See, I'm guessing he was initially very charming? That's something that malignant narcissistic/sociopathic people do to get what they want. He didn't JUST want to destroy you, he wanted you to LOVE him while he ground you into the dirt.

He just hates people, enjoys hurting them, and he has no conscience.

He thinks of human beings as toys. You know, when I was little I used to pull my barbies apart for fun? Yeah. Like that.
He pulls people's minds and/or bodies apart for fun.
Horrible, ain't it?

I take all that from the speed at which he escalated his abuse and how intense it was...the fact that he did try to kill you within 3 years of you being with him and started hitting you very early on...when the average battering marriage may take up to ten years for the physical abuse to come out.

Telling you it was your fault he never saw family or friends sounds like a pretty obvious lie; I'm suspecting he has ripped through the lives of everyone around him like an F3 tornado in a trailer park.

I am very glad you got away from that evil sack of turds alive.

 

[Stickler]

For what it's worth? My ex spouse put me into a blinding rage a number of times.

I did some very strange things...to OBJECTS. Only my own stuff...and some objects may have gotten thrown, but always AWAY from her, and usually not even AROUND her. Yeah, I am not as controlled as I would like to be.
I shouted at her sometimes too.
But I never hit her and I never verbally abused her.

My responses to my ex-wife acting like an asshat were my responsibility.
Her responses to my asshattery were her responsibility.
...Love accepts imperfections.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Stickler
Really well said :hug: