Three months ago he ended things with me over the phone (we were long distance and he refused to say goodbye to me in person) and entered into a new relationship less than a week later;
Yesterday afternoon he called.
I hesitated whether or not to pick up; I did. He didn't say much- asked how I was doing, what I was up to. I told him I was surprised to see his number; he said he "just needed some time." I calmly called him out, saying the dignified way to go about that would have at least been to say so, and asked him why he called. He said, 'just to catch up.' I told him that I don't think he can imagine how much what he did and how he went about it hurt me; his response was "I'm sorry if you go hurt by it." A bit teefed at a sorry excuse for an apology, I replied, "but you're not sorry for the assholish way you went about it?" to which he said, "I guess there's the right way to go about it, and the way I went about it. I'm an asshole sometimes."
I spoke for a couple minutes telling him that there was once a time that I wanted to talk to him (ie/ right after he ended things) but that I'd realized that there's nothing left to talk through, as there is no reconciliation from this. He agreed, responding that he hopes we can be friends. I told him that I have plenty of friends, and that I don't think I can be friends with someone who doesn't value me or my friendship, who I can't trust.
He said that things have been 'okay,' but that he's been having a hard time. He's a vet and yesterday was Memorial Day; I'm sure there was some link between that and the call. His new girlfriend doesn't know about his PTSD and (now) I'm sure he seeking comfort from someone he's been able to trust and talk to about it. I'm trying not to regret taking the call- he chose her as his right-hand-man, and it's not my fault if she can't provide him the support he needs. I was willing to bend over backwards to be there for him through this, and he passed it up.
He said I would hear from him (to which I laughed a little bit, and lightly told him he couldn't blame me for that); I told him I didn't know what to say besides goodbye and, what, have a good summer?
When I told my sister he called, she told me that his new girlfriend has posted something about them moving in together a few weeks ago, and pictures of them together at his parents house (a multi-hour trip involved for that) over this past weekend. I just logged in with her password and saw for myself.
I'm currently angry, so incredibly hurt, and a little bit confused as to what that phone call was even for.
I'm here both just to vent, seek some outside perspective, and because I have this urge to call him up and call him out- I'm done being his emotional tampon. Part of me is scared to give us that depth of finality, I am afraid to hurt him when I know he's hurting, and the other part of me knows better than to make phone calls when you're mad.
What do you guys think? Any other perspective as to what the phone call could have been?
Did I handle it properly? Should I call him and ask him not to contact me? Should I ignore further calls?
edit: I hope no one feels mislead by the title; perhaps I should have made it clearer that he's an ex.
Yesterday afternoon he called.
I hesitated whether or not to pick up; I did. He didn't say much- asked how I was doing, what I was up to. I told him I was surprised to see his number; he said he "just needed some time." I calmly called him out, saying the dignified way to go about that would have at least been to say so, and asked him why he called. He said, 'just to catch up.' I told him that I don't think he can imagine how much what he did and how he went about it hurt me; his response was "I'm sorry if you go hurt by it." A bit teefed at a sorry excuse for an apology, I replied, "but you're not sorry for the assholish way you went about it?" to which he said, "I guess there's the right way to go about it, and the way I went about it. I'm an asshole sometimes."
I spoke for a couple minutes telling him that there was once a time that I wanted to talk to him (ie/ right after he ended things) but that I'd realized that there's nothing left to talk through, as there is no reconciliation from this. He agreed, responding that he hopes we can be friends. I told him that I have plenty of friends, and that I don't think I can be friends with someone who doesn't value me or my friendship, who I can't trust.
He said that things have been 'okay,' but that he's been having a hard time. He's a vet and yesterday was Memorial Day; I'm sure there was some link between that and the call. His new girlfriend doesn't know about his PTSD and (now) I'm sure he seeking comfort from someone he's been able to trust and talk to about it. I'm trying not to regret taking the call- he chose her as his right-hand-man, and it's not my fault if she can't provide him the support he needs. I was willing to bend over backwards to be there for him through this, and he passed it up.
He said I would hear from him (to which I laughed a little bit, and lightly told him he couldn't blame me for that); I told him I didn't know what to say besides goodbye and, what, have a good summer?
When I told my sister he called, she told me that his new girlfriend has posted something about them moving in together a few weeks ago, and pictures of them together at his parents house (a multi-hour trip involved for that) over this past weekend. I just logged in with her password and saw for myself.
I'm currently angry, so incredibly hurt, and a little bit confused as to what that phone call was even for.
I'm here both just to vent, seek some outside perspective, and because I have this urge to call him up and call him out- I'm done being his emotional tampon. Part of me is scared to give us that depth of finality, I am afraid to hurt him when I know he's hurting, and the other part of me knows better than to make phone calls when you're mad.
What do you guys think? Any other perspective as to what the phone call could have been?
Did I handle it properly? Should I call him and ask him not to contact me? Should I ignore further calls?
edit: I hope no one feels mislead by the title; perhaps I should have made it clearer that he's an ex.
