He Just Showed Up

[Casey_03]

Yes, that's true too @Ronin Realistically, his little stunt has already caused me so much distress that the baby will likely get stress hormones in the breast milk. That's what kept happening before whenever his father would harass me. The baby will cry for hours if he gets stress hormones and sees I'm upset.

 

[Ronin]

Oh, what is it that you're hiding in that apartment that you don't want me to see?

This one is a man thinking you, the busy and totally ordinary mother, is hiding something dangerous. Aka his first thought goes to - God even knows what. That says he is the psycho, and is something that can be pointed out, where you are just concerned about stereotypically housewife (cleaning) duties.

That perception of stay at home new mother - whatever people associate with maternal duties over there, can be played as playing your hand, in fact.

 

[shimmerz]

Yeah, okay definitely then I suggest you keep him away. Now that you know that he is in the area, stop taking his calls (if feasible). Block him out completely.

The thing is, if he takes formal responsibility for your son (which he won't I don't think) then he will have to pay support. It sounds to me like his plan is to make you sound crazy and work it from there. What you are detailing are threats to your mental wellbeing.

The only way that you can be assured that he doesn't get into your head is to block, without a question or a doubt, all contact with him. He isn't allowed into your head and definitely not your physical space, at all.

He made his bed. You don't have to lie in it.

 

[Casey_03]

Yes, he knows I am leaving this country soon and I fear he might do something crazy to prevent me from being able to leave. He said before if i live in the States it will be harder for him to visit the baby, so he didn't want us to move. I told him probably about two months ago that we'd be leaving because I didn't want him to be able to claim I'd abducted the baby or something.

 

[shimmerz]

Has he taken formal responsibility for the baby Casey?

 

[Ronin]

Yes, he knows I am leaving this country soon and I fear he might do something crazy to prevent me from being able to leave.

Is there anyone you might tell of that fear to? At least have it noted as reported, along with the stalkerish bullshit he is doing now?

 

[Casey_03]

No, he sent me an email when I told him I was leaving demanding that I put him on the birth certificate. I wrote back and told him that a) it's not my responsibility to do that, he has to show up in person to do that himself and b) I wanted him to get some form of therapy before I agree to any legal custody agreement.

 

[Sideways]

Agree with all the above.

Plus, you don't need to give him a reason why he can't come over. Not ever. It's something we do to be polite, and he doesn't deserve polite.

So if you answer the phone not realising it's him? Practice beforehand, "No, you can't come over." And if you're worried he'll come over anyway having established you're at home? "No, you can't cone over, we're on the way out".

And if he ever just shows up, same deal, "No, you can't come in."

The less you say, the less you try and be polite and reasonable, the less he's got to actually start engaging you. "No" is a complete response, don't be afraid to use it.

 

[shimmerz]

He told me after his first visit that he only came "to figure out a way" to take the baby from me.

I would take this statement VERY seriously. No matter what your communication in the future with this guy, he has been bold enough to tell you his intentions for you and your son. Keep this etched in your mind.

From this point onwards I wouldn't accept any form of communication from the guy that is not written, trackable, traceable. Be very mindful that everything you write to him is factual, thought out, not based in emotion.

This is war. He has stated that.

 

[Casey_03]

@Ronin If he starts to escalate, I can notify police. But at this point it's only been one phone call and he hasn't done anything threatening, so I can't really report it yet. I mean, I can, but I think it would backfire and make me look crazy if I go to the police after he made one phone call.

 

[Casey_03]

@shimmerz Exactly. The main problem is that most of the very serious threats he made were not documented. He was using an app that doesn't let you save messages and I didn't have a camera around then to take photos of everything. So all the really threatening things were not documented. I have now started only communicating via email, but he's been clever enough to not say anything threatening in these emails. Instead, he keeps trying to trip me up and get me to say something bad.

 

[Ronin]

@Casey_03, understood. I'd notify the /US/ side of the full extent, Ukrainian authorities if he escalates and these bloody morons are able to see what he's doing /too/, but keep in mind different states handle crimes differently and just because one is a backwards country doesn't mean you are a bag of nuts, or wrong thinking this.