He Left Again

[Mandy M.]

This is my first post, so please be kind. :)

A little background on my story. I have borderline personality disorder. I've undergone extensive therapy over the past two years and have just recently stopped because I've learned all the coping skills and am managing my life better.

I recently got involved with an ex marine with combat PTSD. I told him from the very beginning that my BPD will probably cause conflict with his PTSD. He of course wooed me and we fell in love with each other quickly. It was a whirlwind romance. Normally, I don't fall for someone so quickly but he was so wonderful to me.

We were together for only 2 months before he started withdrawing and cutting me out of his life. Just a week ago he put me on block from all his social media with no explanation. This is the second time that he has done this to me. The first time he gave me an explanation before disappearing and came back to me after two days. This time he gave no explanation and just put me on block after not talking to me for a week. Tomorrow will make it 2 weeks since I've last spoken to him.

He's admitted to me that he has C-PTSD but I didn't realize how bad it is. To my knowledge he occasionally does group counselling with other C-PTSD suffers but isn't on any medication.

I know that he was/is under a lot of stress. His dad is in the hospital and got a pacemaker put in and is on kidney dialysis. And he has a very stressful relationship with his family. He was out of state visiting his parents when he did this. I guess I was the easiest person to take it out on.

Being pushed away hurts like hell. But, I respected his wishes and left him alone. As someone with BPD, I need someone who is going to be there for me consistently because I have rejection sensitivity among other insecurities. I need stability.

I respect those of you that have stayed by the side of a C-PTSD sufferer, but I just can't do it anymore. It's shattering my state of mind. I still think of him every day, but I know this is for the best. I can't give him what he's looking for.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Do what's best for YOU. No apologies needed. It is tough to be a supporter and the role is not right for everyone.

 

[Ronin]

You were very clear about it prolly not working out before getting into that relationship. It worked out as expectable. It's something you foresaw happening, not a failing of yours.
As Solara said, some times people just don't mesh, and then there's conditions not meshing, and particular circumstances with timing. There's so much at play. You don't have to stay anywhere you're uncomfortable, and your responsibility? Is you. Not him, not his condition. You, and yours.

 

[LuckyDuck]

He did what he had to for himself, and going with what Solara and Kaia said, it's time for you to do what's best for you. You're in a tough spot but you recognize it's for the best, which is key. You recognize you can't do it anymore. That's a very healthy boundary for you.

Best of luck,

LD

 

[illusionist]

...and he can't give you what you are looking for. Your health comes first and foremost...it just needs to be that way. You tried, then knew it wasn't a healthy relationship for you and made the right choice to get out of it.

 

[Born to Run]

People are always kind here, not just now that it is your first post.

 

[Mandy M.]

I see no future with him. As difficult as this may be, it's for the best that I move on and put this behind me. Like you all said, my health is my first priority. Thank you everyone for all your insightful comments. It has helped me see things with more clarity.

 

[Mandy M.]

I felt intimated to post this on here because I took this as a failure even though I realize now that it was no fault of mine.

People are always kind here, not just now that it is your first post.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You're not a failure. I know that you may feel like you failed him, but I assure you, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you aren't the person who is right to be with him. It gives BOTH of you the opportunity to find a better suited partner. He deserves someone who can better support him, and you deserve someone who is a better match for you, too.

To be honest, I think supporters are INCREDIBLY strong people. I'm a sufferer myself and sometimes I don't know how supporters do it.... I know I couldn't be a supporter.

ETA

I didn't mean to insinuate that you're weak for not continuing to support him....I guess my point was that even those of us who have a lifetime's worth of knowledge about PTSD know that we can't fulfill a supporting role.

 

[Mandy M.]

How do you let go? Even though I know we aren't compatible, I'm still flooded with memories of him. I'm sure he doesn't think of me at all.

ETA: I'm in so much pain.

 

[Mandy M.]

I thought I would provide an update.

It's been a few months since I wrote my first post. I've moved on since and am happy. I have a new boyfriend who makes me a priority in his life and treats me well.

But, then last week my ex-vet contacted me. After not speaking to him for several months, I found that my emotions were numb and I am no longer in love with him. Sure enough, he claimed that he had put me on block because he had to fix things with his family. He apologized for the way he treated me but then tried using me for sex. Of course I denied him because I'm no longer interested in him like that plus I have a boyfriend.

The next day he put me on block again. This time I wasn't upset. I did some research and came across an NBC interview that he had done about returning to Iraq as an ex-vet to join the Kurdish (that should be interesting since he's overweight and has a bad back). In the video he discloses that he has a wife! So the whole time he was seeing me, he had a wife. I don't know how I could have missed this, but he was playing me the whole time.

I'm glad that he's no longer in my life. Disorder or not, cheating is never okay.

 

[Pebbles5280]

The wonderful thing about this board is there is no judgment or criticism. Glad you're doing better, that's the most important thing.

Best of luck to you.