Healing As Banalisation Of Trauma

[freakofnurture]

I'm driving myself crazy with this right now.
I made real progress in my therapy today (I'll post about that next) and all I can think is: "This means it wasn't so bad. This means your PTSD isn't real. This means that your p*rents are right. This means you're just stubborn."

It makes me so angry. My suffering has been minimised and banalised so often and so persistently, that I need my symptoms to prove to myself that I was mistreated.
Why do I allow my p*rent's protective mechanisms to hurt me still?

I put it in my list of things that I have to practice radical acceptance with: Some of my symptoms will lessen or go away altogether; this doesn't mean that my life wasn't shit.

 

[JohnWhite]

I think I get how you're feeling - I feel it too, if I have a good day or even if I hear of someone else's misfortune or their own trauma. I have been met with a lot of understanding from medical professionals but from the people around me, support has been somewhat lacking and there has been an attitude of "yeah, right" to any suggestion that I suffered trauma. I did not have a leg blown off, so what am I so upset about, right? And if I start to heal and get over it, it can seem like others might feel I did not have such a big problem after all and it was something of a storm in a teacup.

In all honesty some people probably will feel that. I have a friend who, when I revealed my diagnosis, simply laughed in my face. There's no accounting for assholes I am afraid, but let them think what they want. They do not deserve the time and energy spent trying to make them into less terrible people. Just remember that your trauma and your feelings were real and are still real, and concentrate on taking whatever steps are necessary for yourself. You do not owe anyone else anything, and no amount of healing will diminish your past and your justifiable feelings toward it.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think the problem is usually the other way around, actually acknowledging it was a trauma at all, it's hard to accept (not deny).
John- you made me laugh (though I realize it's not 'funny' -I'm sorry for such a response, but you sure are direct!, -thank you :))

 

[Michel]

I remember reading long ago now (I think in literature on PTSD in Vietnam vets and concentration camp survivors) that it is common for survivors to feel something like a duty to remain deeply emotionally connected to and even profoundly hurt by what they have suffered. The idea of their recovery is accompanied by a feeling of failing to respect the enormity of the wrong they have suffered. I think this is perfectly understandable. It is precisely when I see most clearly and accurately those hideous wrongs have been committed against me, and feel most fully and freely the natural emotional reactions to wrongs so horrid, that I say, shaking with rage and pain, things like: "I will never forgive this! Ever! It is not possible to recover from this! No one could!" And so on and on.

This is my way of expressing extreme outrage that I have been subjected to torture and that a very big chunk of my life has been stolen from me. But it isn't the only way to describe the enormity of the crime or my losses. When I feel freer of it, whatever precisely that will mean, I will find another way to talk about it. One thing I will not do is contribute to the accumulation of my losses by refusing to live freely and be happy again.

Get better! It won't say a thing about how much you have suffered. It will tell anyone capable of understanding your suffering how amazing you are.

 

[Abrasky]

I get this to. I like what Junebug said, it is hard to acknowledge that it is a trauma. Parents can feed into this denial thing when they lack their own awareness of their own behaviors that contributed to your PTSD. I am telling my mum how angry I am and all the PTSD and she pops out with "Are you sure that this isn't PTSD" Mum I have PTSD. "Are you sure it wasn't from giving birth to bub"

"No mum." I like the sound of Click as the phone goes down on the receiver. She likes to make out my problems are to do with me not being a good nuturer. That's why I have PTSD mum.

 

[Tinyflame]

-I'm so sorry Maze, :(
((((Maze))))

 

[Abrasky]

thanks (((June bug)). It's all good. I have bananna's. My lovely husband picked 4 up. They were $12 a kg.:eek:

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG, -12$/kg, -now that's True Love. :inlove:
:)
((((Maze))))

 

[freakofnurture]

I like what Junebug said, it is hard to acknowledge that it is a trauma.

I don't know if this really applies to me.
I was - and still am - kind of relieved when I realised (and got confirmed by my T) that I have CPTSD. Because the alternative explanation for why I never even liked my mom, and why I'm so negative and cynical and outright hateful (sometimes), would be that I am simply a bad, heartless person. I don't want to just be bad and heartless. If I became this way because I needed to in order to survive it somehow gives me back a bit of dignity.
I don't know if that makes sense.
I don't want to lose the bit of status I got back by being a wounded animal of sorts.

 

[Sethe]

I'm driving myself crazy with this right now.
I made real progress in my therapy today (I'll post about that next) and all I can think is: "This means it wasn't so bad. This means your PTSD isn't real. This means that your p*rents are right. This means you're just stubborn."

It makes me so angry. My suffering has been minimised and banalised so often and so persistently, that I need my symptoms to prove to myself that I was mistreated.
Why do I allow my p*rent's protective mechanisms to hurt me still?

I put it in my list of things that I have to practice radical acceptance with: Some of my symptoms will lessen or go away altogether; this doesn't mean that my life wasn't shit.

FoN:

I grew up listening to my mother minimize the effects of my father's insanity, so I am familiar with what you are saying.

It really sucks to have your experience 'lessened' by another person, especially someone who is supposed to PROTECT you.

I am sorry that you experienced this. You know your experience- don't let anyone take it away from you.

 

[Tinyflame]

I should clarify, I meant (for me) the symptoms are not in doubt, considering what led to them as being sufficient to be called 'trauma(s)' are.

 

[Reclusive]

I get what you're saying, too. When I have an occasional up day and can manage to call a friend, they figure I'm cured and I'm ready to be normal now. When really the next day it's back to the same old same old. And sometimes I worry what I would do if I was cured - how could I get a job after being so unemployable? How much of the 'real' me is going to be lost with the PTSD?

Of course, some say you're never 'cured' just 'coping' but sometimes the unknown is just plain scary.