My name is Jenny. I've been viewing this site for a while. I never felt like I should join until tonight. My boyfriend has PTSD from his time in Iraq, and while I feel I understand (as much as anyone can without actually having the disorder) he still feels like I have no idea what he is going through. I understand why he would feel this way, because its a horrible thing to have to go through, and not many people really get the extent of this disorder. Its hard for him to trust, so he doesn't open up about it much. Its just hard to remember that he's living and dealing with this disorder all the time, and that when it gets the better of him, its really the PTSD talking and not him. I want to be there for him, even when this happens...he just won't let me in.
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Hello: Boyfriend Has PTSD Related To Service In Iraq
- Post starter jenaew
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amethist
VIP Member
Hi jenaew
Welcome to the forum and a place of understanding for all who are involved in this.
You will find loads of information that will help you understand it more and how to keep your self from going under with everything that springs up. It is not easy, but it can and does get better in time, as long as they do all they can to manage their own symptoms.
Read all you can in the different areas and ask questions when you get stuck or lost with it all.
Take care and good luck.
Amethist
Welcome to the forum and a place of understanding for all who are involved in this.
You will find loads of information that will help you understand it more and how to keep your self from going under with everything that springs up. It is not easy, but it can and does get better in time, as long as they do all they can to manage their own symptoms.
Read all you can in the different areas and ask questions when you get stuck or lost with it all.
Take care and good luck.
Amethist
- Post starter
- #3
- Post starter
- #4
I was actually wondering if anyone could help. Lately he's stopped talking about seeing his doctors, and I don't think he's following through with any type of treatment anymore. When I read on here about the people who think they can treat it on their own...it reminds me of what he's going through right now. He promised we would talk about it, but now he says he isn't ready. The last thing I want to do is push him, but he needs to start doing something about it. Any advice? Maybe from someone who's been in this situation? Thanks.
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- #5
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
Hi Jenaew
When a sufferer decides they don't want to receive professional treatment or not take medication there is nothing you can do about it other than enforce boundaries which are healthy and protect you. Without re-writing what I have written may times, may I suggest you read the sticky threads in the Carers section (they are the ones at the top of each of each subsection).
When a sufferer decides they don't want to receive professional treatment or not take medication there is nothing you can do about it other than enforce boundaries which are healthy and protect you. Without re-writing what I have written may times, may I suggest you read the sticky threads in the Carers section (they are the ones at the top of each of each subsection).
- Post starter
- #6
Dear Jen,
I have to agree with Nicolette. I shared your post with Rick, my partner who has been living with severe PTSD for 30 years now. His take was your bf needs to get professional help and should not be ashamed. PTSD is not about weakness. He said 15 to 20% of some of the best combat soldiers will suffer from PTSD to various degree.
His view was that an illl-medicated or not medicated at all PTSD sufferer can take its toll not only on the sufferer but also on everyone around the sufferer ans mostly the carer. As they isolate themselves, the carer is often the only person they «trust» (if I can say this for trust is the first thing that goes out the door) and the only person they will «open up» to. And if as a carer we are ill-prepared to deal with this illness, then we end up with 2 people suffering, us being the second person. What I have come to understand is that we do not control PTSD. We cannot make a sufferer seek professional support or start a therapy. We can encourage and support but not make them do what we think is best for them. The other things I have come to understand is, aside from taking care of ourself and set boundaries, we need to debrief the harsh information we have heard and the emotions we have felt and feel. I use the word debrief but it could be replaced by recollecting ourself: Decide what belongs to our partner, what belongs to us and what we should discard. This can be done by writing, seeking support from carers on this forum, counselor or someone you have total confidence in and who is strong. This forum and counselors are probably best.
I realized, when joining this forum, that I had kept all of the information, everything I knew, all of my emotions inside me. That I knew a lot but not enough about PTSD to not take his sentimental chills and bouts personally. Now that I am here, I am learning to step back and enjoy the man I am with. When PTSD shows up, I let the man deal with it... because it is afterall his to deal with.
You will see the man once your bf gets the appropriate support by professionals. In the mean time and if you can, do take a step back while supporting him. Do not carry his illness on your shoulders and please continu reading the posts (new or old) on this forum. Stay in touch Jenny.
x
Inouk :-) (and also from Rick)
I have to agree with Nicolette. I shared your post with Rick, my partner who has been living with severe PTSD for 30 years now. His take was your bf needs to get professional help and should not be ashamed. PTSD is not about weakness. He said 15 to 20% of some of the best combat soldiers will suffer from PTSD to various degree.
His view was that an illl-medicated or not medicated at all PTSD sufferer can take its toll not only on the sufferer but also on everyone around the sufferer ans mostly the carer. As they isolate themselves, the carer is often the only person they «trust» (if I can say this for trust is the first thing that goes out the door) and the only person they will «open up» to. And if as a carer we are ill-prepared to deal with this illness, then we end up with 2 people suffering, us being the second person. What I have come to understand is that we do not control PTSD. We cannot make a sufferer seek professional support or start a therapy. We can encourage and support but not make them do what we think is best for them. The other things I have come to understand is, aside from taking care of ourself and set boundaries, we need to debrief the harsh information we have heard and the emotions we have felt and feel. I use the word debrief but it could be replaced by recollecting ourself: Decide what belongs to our partner, what belongs to us and what we should discard. This can be done by writing, seeking support from carers on this forum, counselor or someone you have total confidence in and who is strong. This forum and counselors are probably best.
I realized, when joining this forum, that I had kept all of the information, everything I knew, all of my emotions inside me. That I knew a lot but not enough about PTSD to not take his sentimental chills and bouts personally. Now that I am here, I am learning to step back and enjoy the man I am with. When PTSD shows up, I let the man deal with it... because it is afterall his to deal with.
You will see the man once your bf gets the appropriate support by professionals. In the mean time and if you can, do take a step back while supporting him. Do not carry his illness on your shoulders and please continu reading the posts (new or old) on this forum. Stay in touch Jenny.
x
Inouk :-) (and also from Rick)
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