Hello - Childhood

[new.and.scared]

Hi, I am so new to all of this.. So nervous to tell strangers about myself but also needing to tell SOMEONE so much. So here I go.

I grew up in a very crazy home with my older sister with my single mother. She was an absolute alcoholic; I loved her so much anyway.. Needless to say there was alot of abuse in that home. One night my mom called social services and said she wanted us taken away (this had happened before) and me and my sister crawled up into our closet on the top shelf and hid. The cops came in anyway and took us away. (At this point I feel I should say my mom had AIDS and was also on drugs)

They took us to a terrible shelter where the abuse from the other kids was anything but a safe haven (I was seven) I've never been so confused in all my life- did my mother not love me? Anyway, we were there for about three weeks? Its hard to remember back that long, we went to a group home when I was 8 and everyone else was 13 or older. I think at the back of my mind I always just figured we would go back home but it never happened.

After that we went to a home and my mom ended up dying when I was in school.. I was eleven.

My caseworker pulled me and my sister out of school to tell us. No one even told us she was in the hospital! I couldn't even cry then in front of my sister; she was so bitter and angry by that time I didn't want to disappoint her. That night when I was alone I just ****ing lost it.. I had no family to turn to since my sister hated my mom and the rest of our family disowned us when we went into foster care.

I don't have the energy to go into details about the rest of this I'm sorry.. I bounced through 13 foster homes treatment centers and a boot camp before I turned 18.

Moved out when I was seventeen into an apartment with seven of my best friends. Good people; all guys though and dirty so I turned to my sister for help. She said I could move in and I was so excited! She was with the father of her daughter Lilli. So I went there to spend my eighteenth birthday. It was fun they took me to buy a pipe and we drank a little bit and went to bed. Then I woke up to "Jon" (her boyfriend) trying to **** me as he fondled me. I froze up couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything but cry silent tears til it was over. I ****ing hate telling this story, it makes me sick. So when he got up he went to take a shower and I've never gotten up so damn fast in my life, I RAN and hid behind a Wendy's dumpster until I could get hold of someone to get me. I was about forty minutes away from my town then and was lucky and still eternally grateful to my friend that picked me up.

Needless to say, I had to move back in where I had been but that was a relief.. At least these people cared about me.

Goodness I never expected to tell this whole story to strangers but I'm sort of glad I guess.

 

[amethist]

Hi new.and.scared

Welcome to the forum

You have been through so much in your life, no wonder you are scared, possibly of what your future holds.

From now on you can feel safe in the fact that all members on here will help you to feel safe and even cared for. Take some time to read all the information you can, as it will help you to move forward.

You don't have to rush telling your story, there is no need, write it in your own time.

You do not say if you have been diagnosed with ptsd or if you are in therapy, no rush for that either. It would be a good idea to seek a professional diagnosis if you have not yet got one though, as it is not a good idea fro any one to assume this is the case if it is something else.

In the mean time learn all you can to help yourself to a better future for yourself.

Take care and good luck.

Amethist

 

[Shoka]

Hi Newandscared,

Thank you for sharing your story.

Healing is possible, in my life I have found it happens one little step at a time.

Good for you for having the courage to post your story. It is a step.

Keep coming back.

Shoka

 

[tryintobreathe]

Welcomem to the forum. I'm sorry you had to suffer through so much during your childhood. I'm glad you were able to get some of that "out". It helped me getting some of those stories out..things you never imagiend you'd tell ANYONE! This is an awesome place with lots of information and so many wonderful people.

Jen