Hello Everyone - Coming Out of Another Round of Depression

[resurrection]

I HAVE HAD PTSD FOR A GOOD WHILE NOW AND IT IS GOOD TO KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS OUT THERE . BIG RESPECT TO ALL PARTICIPANTS AND CREATORS OF THE SITE. I HAVE JUST STARTED TO COME OUT OF ANOTHER BIG BLACK HOLE WITH MY DEPRESSION AND AM FEELING MORE POSITIVE THAN I HAVE FOR A WHILE. NOW THOUGH , TO START LIVING AGAIN , ILL HAVE TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH MY NERVES AND TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS WHICH I NOW FIND VERY DIFFICULT. ITS GOOD NOW TO HAVE SOME PLACE TO TURN. PS. I BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE WHO SUFFER AS WE DO ARE THE MOST SENSITIVE, CARING , BRAVE,(I HOPE TO PROVE THIS) AND COMPASSIONATE PEOPLE WHICH IS WHY WE TAKE ALL OUR ANGER AND AGGRESSION OUT ON OURSELVES.:hello:

 

[becvan]

Hi Resurrection, welcome to the forum.

Please do not use all Capital letters, as it portrays "shouting" when posting on line.

Thanks and welcome!

bec

 

[resurrection]

Sorry

I was just being lazy

 

[becvan]

Hehe, it's okay. Most people do not realize that simple things like capital letters or bold can portray a tone or emotion when posting. We all gotta learn somehow!

bec

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi resurrection and welcome. I'm fairly new as well.

Peace
Tammy

 

[resurrection]

Why Im Here

I guess looking back it all started when my mum died when I was 17 and all the care and love went out of my life. Some of my mates stated experimenting with drugs and being an idiot teenager ,trying to be a big man , I went along with it like a sheep.Started in the usual way , hash,then LSD:mad:, I had a bad trip which is the scariest thing Ive ever been through, even now. It was like I WAS still in that mindset a year later. I felt likeI HAD become distanced from everyone and everything,in a constant state of anxiety and was going through the motions of trying to appear sane. Being proud I couldnt tell anyone how I was feeling AND decided to go to my doctor. Within about 10 minutes I was on PROZAC.:stupid:It did help at first but I WAS still taking loads of drugs and beer and had started taking SPEED (at the time there was a lot of other stuff going on, I was messing up my honours degree,I had left my family home,and most important of all, my football team was being relegated (my passion) )

 

[vst]

Hi Resurrection,

Nice to hear from you. Your description of PTSD sufferers as sensitive, caring, brave and compassionate was very kind. I agree that we do take much of our anger out on ourselves. That is the reason I have taken the quote "Do unto others as you would do to you" to "Do unto myself as I would do to others" :smile: I am learning to that if I treat myself with loving kindess, I will treat others with loving kindness. PTSD may always be a part of my life, but I am going to fight it as hard as I can. I want to trust, I want to love, and I want to live life as it was meant to be lived.

vst

 

[resurrection]

Said Well

I think youve put how I feel , better than I ever could. Thanks, good luck and COME ON!

 

[resurrection]

Not got a clue

How do you add to / edit your own post or thread? please help

 

[resurrection]

why im here (cont)

I was taking speed and drinking heavily each day for the next few months (on PROZAC I seemed to think I was indestructible , I thought I was having a good time but all I was doing was self destructing and becoming selfish) to the point where I became addicted. To cut a long story short the people who I was getting the drugs from along with one of my so called mates talked me into doing something criminal when I wasnt thinking straight. I had a breakdown coz of this and tried to kill myself( I just couldnt live with myself and every instinct in me told me this was the only thing left to do) numerous times. I then became clinically depressed and left my house only about 4 times in a year and a half . At this point I was staying with my brother but I couldnt tell him what I had done coz of shame(though it seems so trivial now , but I was only young and naive). I belive I got PTSD during this time, no one even asked what was wrong , friends or family ( I had gone from a confident , passionate person into a total asocial recluse) and by the end of this period they were even playing mind games with me which is not paranoia coz 1 of them admitted it 10 years later, namely my brother ( it seems revenge is best served cold ). From there on in I have been a nervous wreck and have had no help from my family who seem to think it funny (jealousy is a terrible thing and I pity them). I did manage to get a job at 1 point which I lasted in for nearly 2 years but I felt jumpy and nervous around people and emotionally retarded. I got suspended fom my job 4 being aggressive and spent the next few months after this drinking heavily each day and running up huge debts with loans and credit cards. At the end of this time I had also become homeless and felt totally empty inside. I then decided to throw myself off my local bridge but thankfully now, was saved by 4 inches of concrete. 4 years on I am beginning to feel better and with your help and support , intend on helping others with their drink , drug and depression problems. ps thanks for listening and if you live in Scotland could you please tell me how I can get quality help.:thumbs-up

 

[Marlene]

Welcome to the forum.

Lisa

 

[resurrection]

Cheers

Its good to :thumbs-upbe here