Hello Everyone

[Pompadour]

I'm not sure how to start.

I don't think I even can start, there is so much to say and I'm growing so incredibly tired of trying to be free to live which involves trying to tell people so they can help me. I absolutely love life, I'm an extremely happy person who is very lucky to have amazing experiences and strong wonderful relationships. I have always been loved and supported. But I'm not able to live like I used to be. I can still function, but I can't work in any way. I struggle to do anything that requires output from me (which is everything I used to take most joy in), even though I have the time, space, ability and interest. It makes absolutely no rational sense.

I'm growing so tired. I don't want to die, I will never want to die. But suicide sometimes seems like a distant logical, rational conclusion if after years of struggle all of my efforts fail. I -could- live like this forever, but I'm so so tired.

I have a lot of questions to ask, about experiences and things I go through. I want to see if others have similar and if they personally found new ways of working with the way they experience time, memory and the world around them. So, hopefully you will see me around the forum.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum :)

I have been saying how tired I am for weeks now. Don't feel like you are alone there. I am proof that you are not! :)

I hope you have a therapist or at least a close friend to talk to about what is troubling you. We are hear to listen and give feed back if possible. Feel free to post any question you might have...

I am not sure your location...but if you feel really overwhelmed and just need to talk to someone...anyone...please call the suicide hotline. Sometimes just talking really really helps...

Take care of yourself, ok?

 

[Pompadour]

Thank you.

Yeah, I am very lucky to have lots of support - most of all from a wonderful other half.
I am not officially diagnosed (yet), but my counsellor believes I have complex PTSD and my Psychiatrist might start to assess me for it but she is reluctant because it is complicated to diagnose. She doesn't see value in it unless my current treatment didn't seem to be enough, which I don't think it is. My counsellor has been wonderful (I've been in counselling for over a year), she's really helped me to become more connected with myself, but I think if I really do have PTSD then there is only so much we can do without an expert therapist. I am seeing my Psychiatrist soon and I'll ask her about it again.

I hope I can still stay on the forum even though I'm not diagnosed yet. I don't know if I have it, I am highly sceptical about everything, but so far from browsing it has been very interesting to see how much applies when I thought it didn't. Like the constant nightmares, I thought for it to be part of PTSD they had to be about the event/s (which mine aren't) - but I see that lots of people just have more generally horrible dreams.

 

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Welcome to the forum. I agree with the not feeling the way we used to be. I miss my old self. It takes time to accept the new us. Being we hve been though something so traumatic it affects us so negativly.

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.