Hello From Ohio

[AverageJoe11]

I was a 19D Cavalry Scout and took part in OIF. I haven't felt "right" since then.

The first few months I was back were a blur. I stayed drunk, high, and tried to either fight or have sex with everyone in sight.
Until I ran out of my deployment money.

That's when I tried to calm down and move on with my life. That's also when I started getting horrible migraines 3-4 times a month. I couldn't sleep and I always felt like my anger was just barely contained. The VA said I didn't have a brain injury and I just had "adjustment" issues. They said they couldn't help me. I kept having problems until I met the woman who became my wife.

She made me feel normal again. I could tell her anything and she would still accept me for me. She found me a civilian psychiatrist that I started going to. I thought I got better. I was wrong.

I seem to be getting worse with time instead of better. The wife that made me feel like a new man is afraid of me and for me. She says I'm the nicest and scariest man she has ever met. I told her I'd leave but she said no.

Sorry for the long rambling introduction. I could put more but I'll try and find the right forum.

 

[Spock]

Welcome Buckeye Joe. Glad you found us, you're in the right spot. Share as much as you want to dump it out there. Most of us will share everyone of your issues and symptoms. You definitely want to focus on yourself first, just like they tell you for airline EPs. Put your mask on first before you try to deal with other stuff. Stay tuned...the rest of the folks will be along shortly.
Stay safe, stay strong...

 

[reddevil1111]

welcome to the forum.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Evening Joe,

Like Spock said. "....you're in the right spot". Everyone here has walked down the same road you're on. In fact, we're all still on it.

Let me pass on a few tips that may level out some of the deeper pot holes.
* Don't beat yourself up because things don't work the way they used to. You're a warrior in a civilian world. The adjustment is gonna take time. LOTS OF TIME. So, be patient, and give yourself that time.
* Keep talking to your lady. She won't understand most of what you're going through. But, the conversation will let her know you care enough to try.
* Again, from Spock. "Put your mask on first before you try to deal with other stuff". You can't be right for anyone or anything until you're right for you. It has to be your #1 priority. And, that's not being selfish. It's being realistic.
* Don't try to do this alone. It doesn't work. And, even more important, don't try to ignore your condition. PTSD is a wound. It requires treatment just like other wounds.
* And, when things get really bad, HANG ON. IT WILL PASS. The demons and dragons never stay. And when they're gone start taking those baby steps that will bring you back home.

More of the guys will be along with recommendations on videos and reading material. It's good stuff.

Stay with it my Brother.

SD

 

[Spock]

Joe,
Just pulled this tidbit of wisdom from a WWII vet from a "History of PTSD" video (on youtube):
Very few of the events one endures, experiences in combat ever go away..."the starkness of these events never leaves, it's just as sharp today...as it was then. Physical wounds generally heal with time but we have these memories that are the burned into our souls. They will never go away, they are just too deep inside of us."

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome to the forum mate

 

[steve1]

Welcome Average Joe11, There is lots of good info on here. Relationships are so hard when your dealing with huge amounts of stress and rage. Self medication is the route many of us have chosen. But, it doesn't work forever.

"She says I'm the nicest and scariest man she has ever met." That seems to be another common thread about living with us. The sudden personality changes. Therapy and meds can help. Have you entered the VA world yet? It can be daunting, but don't give up.

 

[Zipperhead]

Morning Joe

 

[AverageJoe11]

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. To answer some of the questions, I'm still seeing the civilian psychiatrist. I'm on meds for migraine prevention, sleeping, and anxiety. I probably need to be on higher doses or different meds but I'm worried about the effect on my job. I drive for a living and I need the alone time I get from this job. I'm working right now, just waiting on my client to get done with his medical appointment. I haven't tried the VA since 2008 when they finally gave me the surgery I was trying to get since I got out Dec 2003. I've been thinking about trying the VA again but considering my dealings with them in the past I'm worried it will do more harm than good.

 

[Lee C]

Welcome

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome Joe, your amoung triends here!

Ba

 

[JarHed]

Hey Joe

Welcome to the forums.

I've been thinking about trying the VA again but considering my dealings with them in the past I'm worried it will do more harm than good.

Don't worry about your past dealing with them, move forward no matter what. The VA is there for one reason, US. Go to the DAV or another vets advocate group to get some help with your treatment and claim. There are good people at the VA. If it weren't for the psychologist I have I probably wouldn't be here. So hang in there and as always with all things; one day at a time. I'm glad you made it back.

JarHed