Hello, I'm New Here, But I Have A Complicated Issue That I Need To Talk About For Perspectives.

[Brighid]

So, I have bi-polar and anxiety. To make a very long story short, my life was flopped upside down three years ago, when It was almost ended by my hands. I landed in the hospital and found out I was bi-polar, manic depressive and anxiety. Well, I have been seeing my therapists for the past three years. We have developed a bond through therapists/patient/friend and I fully trust him. With past experiences I have never trusted a man, as I do him. Perhaps it is because he knows abosultely everything about my life. He is my therapist and to get better, I tell everything, no holding back. Well, being that we have developed this bond.......... and being that I trust him completely.......It feels as though I seem to be steering towards genuinely liking him in a more than therapist way. THIS I KNOW is neither good for me or him and I debated on whether telling him how I was feeling just to get it out there because I am honest. I do NOT expect anything in retru and I know this can lead to nowhere, but I was wanting to mention it to try to understand if I am feeling this way because he is the only man I have ever fully trusted and maybe that is where it is coming from, like I can tell him anything, or should I hold this in and not say anything? I really do not know what to do and I do NOT want to siderail therapy. What do you all think?
I KNOW IT IS never a good idea with this, and I dont really expect or want anything, I just want to mention it to figure it out is all. Is it a good idea or not?

 

[Adrienne12]

Brihid,

Google erotic transference and come back......

There are a million reasons why your therapist isn't your friend or anything else. You are putting him on a sort of pedestal. He is the only man you have ever trusted and therefor you feel you could only ever trust. Only way to keep seeing him with these feelings is to tell him and you will have to work through it with him.

It's actually very normal. I have experienced it myself and only choose female therapists now. Makes it easier.

 

[Brighid]

You are absolutely correct; transference actually was thought of, but the feelings/emotions were strong and I thought perhaps it was more than what it is. Why is a therapist not your friend though, I mean he said he was?? And yes, after reading in black and white what you said about putting him on a pedestal is exactly what I am doing. Oddly enough, I am quite certain he would work through it with me, but now I risk looking like a complete idiot? Which is my problem, I struggle with acceptance and what people think of me. I would feel embarressed and ashamed. This is all new to me, even though its been three years, but you are correct......i suppose a female therapist would be best. but then comes the issue of females....lol... i have a hard time trusting females (not you persay) because I have been burned a lot. Thank you so much for your input. I will definately think about your great advice. Thanks again :)

 

[Heather]

Brighid - Just because you feel this way towards your therapist doesn't mean that you should automatically "jump ship" and find a female one. Discussing these kinds of feelings are hard. I brought it up with my therapist awhile ago and believe me it WASN'T EASY.

I had been having a really hard time and was seeing him 2 -3 x's a week and the way that I put it was, "you can't go through something like that and not feel closer to someone". We talked about it for about 2 minutes more and then I really felt weird about the whole thing and said I didn't want to talk about it anymore. We talk about it from time to time about the whole push pull aspect of our relationship. It's not an easy thing but I'm glad I did it.

I bet if you brought it up to your therapist it would help your relationship and I'm sure this is NOT the first time he'd be hearing this from one of his clients.

Take care. Heather

 

[Adrienne12]

I'm not saying quit either, B. Unfortunately, you had to tell your therapist a lot of embarrassing stuff. This is one more hurdle you have to get over. Tell him you have grown very close with him over the past three years. He will understand. I am sure it has happened to him before. If he is a good therspist, he will deal with it appropriately.

The answer to fear will always be no. You came this far with him. I beliege you could go even further. It may even make your bond stronger after telling him. You figure...you see the guy a few times a week for an hour. Of course....you are going to start caring about him. You are human. And therapists are our friends but only for the forty five mins we are on their couch. It ends there. Good luck. Keep us posted

 

[Brighid]

lol, thanks girls....it's not that I am going to stop seeing him, but in the future, if by some chance he happensto not be practicing, perhaps a woman would be best. Its just very confusing. We have grown quite close because we do have a lot, and I mean a lot in common. aside from that, I don't want anything to come from it other than figuring out why I am feeling this ay, because I am not close to any man. my father and older brother and I do not get a long, anf my younger brother and I have always been close, but I mean....of course I cannot feel that wy towards my brother lol. The trust and level of understanding, and non-judgement has never been brought to me. The religion we both practice has a golden rule of "perfect trust" so I feel if I do not bring this up, I am not being honest with him or myself. I strive on being honest in a world that isn't most of the time.

As mentioned, i think, by Heather, it is going to be hrd to bring this up but I guess I bite my lip that binds and spill it. Now to figure out the best way to bring it up lol.

I go back on the 29th, he is out of town, so......Ill let you all know. Thanks so much.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Brighid,

I'm a little confused. You don't mention PTSD in of your posts. Do you have PTSD, or care for someone with PTSD?

I'm not saying that you are not welcome here, just wondering why you have chosen a PTSD forum to air your issues, if you don't have PTSD? Perhaps you can clarify for me?

Regards
Cherryblossom

 

[Brighid]

um, yes, I do. However, with no I'll regardd to you, the way the post was approached has made me feel unwelcome. I can appreciate your asking, however, I did not realize I had to out and out "say" I had ptsd. It felt "judged" . I do feel unwelcome now. Thank you to those who have helped, my account will b deleted. Bless you all.

 

[amethist]

I am sorry Brighid, but you cannot delete your account. It does explain it all in the link below.

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/pages/new-members/[/DLMURL]

Amethist

 

[Nicolette]

I have sent you a private message Brighid. Please respond at your convenience.

 

[Heather]

Brighid, you don't need to leave Cherry Blossom didn't mean anything by it. We are all here to support each other:).

When you are ready to talk about your issues surrounding PTSD....then that is up to you.

Hugs. Heather

 

[anthony]

Please stop being dramatic... staff must ask questions to ascertain users validity of this forum. Live with it please, as you accepted these terms and conditions upon registering here.

There is zero requirement for drama when approached by staff.