Undiagnosed Hello, New Here - Traumatic Childhood

[anthony]

It's just paranoia.

You haven't stated any paranoia to me, not yet... as all the pro's and con's mentioned, are quite apt in my opinion. Family do sometimes run to the abuser, rejecting the abused as though failing to understand how one could abuse the other. Some run to the abused, disavowing the abuser... some do nothing and try to ignore what was just said. Not paranoia... reality. Well done.

 

[Lolly]

Thank you. Yeah, my friends have offered to come with me - they're all just busy I guess, I don't want to feel like a burden on them, so I don't want to ask again.

Can I just say, you sound like a very kind and considerate person. Right now though, sweetie, you need to try and put yourself first. Your friend loves you, and wants to help you. H/She will be more then happy to come and support you in this strong step. I don't know how you cope with phoning people? (the phone terrifies me) So perhaps you could text and ask, you might find it a little easier.

Also, I know it seems silly, but I'm scared that the stuff with my brother will some how get back to my parents - they don't know about what my brother has done. I don't know if they'd believe me if they found out. I'm not so bothered about my dad believing me (I mean he hates me anyway), but if I lost my mum I'd be devastated... He is so manipulative and would probably be able to convince them that I was lying or something. :(

You are definitely not silly for being worried about this, its completely understandable. It just depends on whether you want your Mum to find out or not, really. If you tell your GP, they have to keep it all confidential (unless you express that you are in a dangerous situation again), so you don't need to worry about people finding out that way.

Sorry to keep talking from personal experience... but I have actually been able to keep secret that my little sister is in a psych ward with PTSD and DID, and the fact that I also have PTSD, and I'm also involved in a huge court case which I've told no one about. I've kept all this secret for 3 years, from not only my Dad but most of my family and friends. Its not that hard to actually keep it secret. I'm quite good at coming up with excuses for things (I do make sure I never tell a fib, though, that way no one can accuse me of that). The only thing I find hard is that I don't have the support I need. So I definitely urge you to have a think about whether you can handle this alone with your 2 friends, or if you think eventually telling your Mum is the best option. Please remember there are no right or wrong answers to your situation, every person needs to just handle this with what works best for them. Never let yourself be pushed into doing (or not doing) something in regards to your treatment. YOU have the final say.

Are you doing any better at all? How long did it take for you to get treatment

It took me a while to get help. I had memories, flashbacks, etc, begin summer '13, and the PTSD kicked in almost instantly. It wasn't until January '14 that I went and told my family therapist (who I see because of my lil sis), who helped me *so* much. She actually told my GP for me, as I couldn't actually get the words out to tell anyone. As I'm still waiting to get into Adult Mental Health, I began at a charity called WRUSAC which is one readily available all over the UK. I HIGHLY recommend them. You can phone the help-line to chat anytime, and they keep everything completely confidential. They will also put you on a waiting list for a therapist. You will see that lady once a week for an hour, and you can talk about whatever you like. They're brilliant.

Sorry, I didn't mean to write you an essay lol! Take care sweetie!

 

[floating]

@anthony

Hmm, I guess I don't have to tell my mum, yet. I could tell her at a time when I feel, uh...Can't think of the word. Safer? Like, trusting in her more (I have major trust issues, which I guess is sort of a given). Thank you so much.

@Lolly

Yeah, it's just...odd. Like you know that cliché scenario of being the "strong" friend? That's basically me in a nut shell. I know that both of them are going through a lot right now - I'd feel terrible if I added any extra stress. I can still draft out what I want to say though, I suppose. I like having things written down, I usually have trouble forgetting...Plus, if I can't talk about it out loud, I could always hand them the paper, right?

Thank you! I'm glad they keep things confidential, I knew they would, but I just feel better having it confirmed, you know?

Hmm...I'll keep that in mind. I don't usually do what's best for me - I always worry about the impact on other people, I find it hard to understand how people react to different things, so to me it's easier to keep it to myself and "bend" to whatever they want to make them happy. I'm a people pleaser at heart, lol.

Sorry to hear about your sister, though, that must be so, so difficult. :( I hope the court case goes well, if you need anybody to talk to, I'm always here for you! I'm glad that therapist was nice enough to help you, that actually gives me a bit of hope that someone in the professional field will be able to help me, or at least lead me somewhere to get help. Memories and flashbacks are awful. Thank you for the information about WRUSAC, I'll have to look into it when I get the chace! It does sound like an amazing service. I know my university also does a counselling service, I could also try them maybe (I'm already in contact with the disability team due to an entirely separate issue, but I have been offered counselling to help cope with things relating to it).

No, no! Don't be sorry, it had helped me so much! Thank you for taking the time to type it all out to me, it means a lot.

---

Thank you everyone! I feel so welcomed on here. You're all fantastic, I hope you're all doing well.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

You're brother obviously needs his testicles cut off, along with his dick... just my opinion though, for sexually abusing his sibling.

Dear @floating I echo @anthony totally, You are in a very welcoming forum now.

Sending Laurie:hug:s from Devon to wherever you are in the great UK, if you accept them.

Laurie

 

[Lolly]

I know that both of them are going through a lot right now - I'd feel terrible if I added any extra stress. I can still draft out what I want to say though, I suppose. I like having things written down, I usually have trouble forgetting...Plus, if I can't talk about it out loud, I could always hand them the paper, right?

Yes, I think that's a great idea. You can spend as much time as you want just writing and re-writing it until you have a few paragraphs that you feel best explains the situation. I do hope it goes well!

Thank you for the information about WRUSAC, I'll have to look into it when I get the chace! It does sound like an amazing service. I know my university also does a counselling service, I could also try them maybe

Sorry, I had a typo, its WRASAC! Each county (sometimes even cities) have their own website, so you might need to trawl through google a bit to find the one nearest you. There is also a charity called "Be Me" which do a 6 week counselling course, and that is self-referral (I'm not sure if it is just in Cornwall though!) as well. You could always do one after the other while you wait for something from Adult Mental Health!

Sorry to hear about your sister, though, that must be so, so difficult. :( I hope the court case goes well, if you need anybody to talk to, I'm always here for you!

You're such a sweetie, thank you. Of course, you may PM me anytime as well!! I'm online all the time :) (good or bad thing, don't know yet lol!) We also have a lovely group of us in chat, if you ever wanted to join us. I tend to be on there morning and evening. You can talk about whatever you like, especially if you're struggling. We tend to be silly a lot, though. We had a disco and music party the other night, we were all listening to Beyoncé lol!

Take care! :hug:

PS,

You'll want to take one of @Santa_Laurie 's hugs, his are the best! hehe!

 

[floating]

@Santa_Laurie

Thank you. Hugs are definitely welcome! I wish I knew how to do that icon...lol.

@Lolly

Haha, it's totally fine! And thanks, I'll have a look at that too. Ah, I never knew there were so many options?? I feel a lot better knowing I have options. Less trapped. Thank you. <3

You're sweet too, you've helped me see some ways of getting help that I didn't even know existed. I'm honestly so grateful. I'm sure you've felt this first hand, but it sucks to feel like you're on your own coping with things and that there are limited options...So when you're told that there are quite a few options, it's actually quite liberating!

Wow, chat sounds fantastic, I'll make sure I go in there consistently. :)

Take care too. <3

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

@floating , Sorry to hear about your abuse I think everyone has probably covered everything so I don't really have much left to say, except I hope you get through it I'm sure you will intime but it will be Rocky at times with lots of emotions surfacing . I only told my sisters last year about my abuse and rape, I suffered alone horrific abuse for 7 years , came out if ine abusive relationship straight into another , unfortunately the second one raped me several times and left me in a complete mess, I struggled through holding down a full time job and bringing up two boys who are now 21 and 18 nd I am currently a service manager and health nd safety inspector . I told my sisters after 15years , my brothers nd parents don't know coz I want to protect then nd don't want them hurt I kept it secret fir so long so y tell them now , my sisters r amazing and I get lots of support from them . Being on here too is great I'm sure as u already have will continue to recieve lots of positive support. Chin up, b strong and remember you are not alone . Take care x god bless nd good luck . Pass your degree and show your brother you won't let him win and that your a fighter nd he's the loser x

 

[ghotiff]

Welcome :)

Congratulation on being ready to reach out.

When we tell someone for the first-time-type-thing typically we will have a strong reaction that will need to be managed.

As such, please plan for something soothing for after you tell your GP. Maybe buying your self a treat, or sitting in a park. There are a number if great threads discussing self soothing strategies and I can recommend them highly for understanding self soothing and learning what your best strategies are.

 

[floating]

@Namenotdiagnosis

I'm so sorry about the abuse you went through, and how long it went on, you're a true fighter. Never forget that, ok? And thank you for the welcome. :)

@ghotiff

Thank you, I'm not sure what I'm going to do after I do see my GP, I will need to have something planned...Hm. Thank you, I wouldn't have thought about it until after. I could possibly ask a friend to stay with me if they are coming with me to the appointment anyway they may be able to.

Thank you for the welcome. :)

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Floating, welcome to the forums. :)

 

[floating]

Thank you :)