Hello, Thank You For Existing!

[Lyren]

Hi everyone. I suppose I would be categorized as a carer. My fiance, who has recently been diagnosed with PTSD sent me a link to this website yesterday. I was looking through the forum, following a couple of threads. I've got to say that I'm relieved that I'm not alone in my struggles. I believe that my fiance believes that I will leave him now that I've seen some forum postings, as though I didn't realize previously that there was no cure for PTSD. If anything, it gives me hope that I can be a more effective part of his life.

Today, he's barely talking to me, and when he does it's in angry tones. The thing is, I have to make a huge decision today. Do I give notice to my landlord and buy a house with him, or do I keep my apartment because I'm afraid that we won't make it through this tough time? I want to give my landlord notice. I am confident that we can improve things between us. There has been so much outside stress lately that he is in a triggered state most of the time. I'm really trying to help manage the stress, as I'm aware that sufferers do better that way. But I'm having trouble motivating him, and annoying him when I do. It's difficult knowing when he actually wants to talk and when he doesn't want to talk. I often feel that no matter what I do will be wrong and make things worse.

I'm looking for advice today on how I can reassure him that I want to be with him. He thinks that I don't realize that this is a lifetime thing. He feels so guilty all of the time for being awful to me when he's triggered. I can usually let it roll off of me. I know that it's not him, it's the illness.

Anyway, I'd love to hear from people. Thanks for taking the time to reply!

 

[BigBear]

Hi Lyren,

I just wanted to make one comment. PTSD can be overcome. No, you don't go back to what you were before the PTSD (assuming there really is a before) but things can become vastly better.

Reassuring: I'd imagine that reassuring is different for a guy than a gal. In the worst cases, when I need to reassure my wife, I just hold her tight. I don't know that the same would work for a guy. For that matter, I don't know that it would work for anyone else. Some times, she can't even let me do that. Then it's a matter of saying no I won't more that she can say yes you will. It's also a matter of pointing out the facts. Like "I'm not your dad. I don't have to be like him." or "I've never yet left you." What is it they say? I have to be "constant as the north star". Guys win by being the last man standing. By refusing to bend or bow. Apparently, when done in a loving manner, women find that reassuring. So I'd suggest determining what men find reassuring about women and taking it to the Nth degree.

Glad you are here!

Bear

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello and Welcome :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Lyren,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. I am glad you have found the supporters section, as the more information you have, the greater your understanding. It is really good that you have joined, as supporters need their own support system too.

Sounds like you have a lot of decisions to make. Take care of yourself.
Debbie