Sufferer Hello There: Early Childhood Trauma

[Away From The Sun]

Hello, I recently got diagnosed with PTSD from early childhood trauma from ages 0-5. (which I can barely remember) before I got adopted into a relatively loving family.

Although PTSD seems to fit me to a tee, i feel rather guilty/weak that I still struggle with it because I am paranoid that my trauma isn't "severe" enough to warrant the diagnosis and I got adopted into loving but fairly emotionally dysfunctional (everyone is emotionally and conflict avoidant) family.

Anyways, I want to learn more about PTSD and how to better cope with it. So, hello everyone.

 

[LhasaLover]

Hi Away from the Sun,

Welcome! This is a great place to learn about PTSD and coping mechanisms. A range of emotions people encounter that accompany PTSD are discussed here in great detail.

Looking forward to seeing your posts! It's nice to have you here, looks like you have found the right place.

 

[Away From The Sun]

Thank you very much for the kind welcome!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Away From The Sun,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

One thing you will never find here, is anyone judging another persons trauma. We are all here to work on healing from PTSD. I hope you find the information and support here helpful on your healing journey.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Brad1980]

Welcome. Just because others have lived through worse doesn't mean your experience isn't valid.

 

[safenow]

Hello, Away From The Sun,

I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to call you Sun. (Smile). Welcome to the PTSD Forum. As you have already seen, there are a lot of wonderful, supportive people here.

I also had to have surgery to walk when I was a little girl. But for me, it was severe abuse as a small child. But, as you can see, I did survive. I was so used to torture, what the doctor' did did not traumatize me. I am lucky in that respect. (If you can call it lucky). I was in the hospital for a long time, while they repaired my body and taught me how to be a human child, then went to various foster homes.

I also lived in an orphanage for about a year as a preteen. I loved it there. It was the nicest experience of my youth. Even though I was picked on a bit by the other girls, I had no memory of it. In fact, the only reason I know it even happened, is because one of the girls, who was my room mate, came to a reunion a number of years later. She passed me a note, telling me how sorry she was for picking on me so much. I'm sorry to say she left before I could let her know she was fine.

I'm glad you were adopted, but I'm sorry they were not better to you. Bless your heart. You are in a very good place to learn ways to cope, and how to heal. Good information on this forum.

Nice to meet you.

 

[Away From The Sun]

Thank you, Safenow. You had quite a life experience. Yikes.

 

[LhasaLover]

Hi Away from the Sun,

Reading your and SafeNow's post reminded me how we all traveled different roads to get here and none of our experiences were pleasant.

I was born into an emotionally unstable family. My mother had I believe borderline personality disorder, my father an anger management issue. Drinking, pills, drugs later came into the picture and my parents were emotionally unavailable. I believe my first anxiety attack was about death at 5 years old, from what I could remember. I was often sent off to stay with family and friends, left to take care of the family and my younger sibling. I was very shy and sensitive and tended to analyze things a great deal. Later I required braces and later surgery and it seemed like a piece of cake compared to what I had been through.

The pattern of people in my life was that they were there again and not. Some of my happiest times were in the strangest situations. I can remember longing to go to boarding school as it was a fantasy to leave. I'm always reading people's moods and afraid lately. Abandonment, which has been a recurring theme in my life has been a major issue, only now I am beginning to think it's a good thing that certain people are gone.

It's great to have you on the forum. The stories, the strength and the wisdom that is shared on this forum is immense. The kindness, the understand and support is like a gift. Each individual on the short time I have been on this forum is special and unique and I admire them a great deal. You will not find anyone shocked or judging you, that is for certain.

 

[LhasaLover]

Hi Away From the Sun,

I understand, my mother was abused as a child and was eventually diagnosed with PTSD when she was elderly. I'm pretty sure she has narcissistic boderline personality disorder. My father was abused as well and all had alcoholism in their family. My brother has anxiety, anger issues and refuses to seek help (he dropped out of anger management therapy). Holidays were and can be super stressful, who wants to return and be re-traumatized on a day you are supposed on a day you are supposed to be celebrating and enjoying one another's company? Add in substance abuse and holidays for a lot of families usually means you need a holiday after celebrating with them. Right now I do not communicate with my mother and brother (a whole big dysfunctional mess of a story!)

One uncle and two cousins committed suicide and another drank himself to death. Speaking with my therapist, I though I would share an interesting point she made about mental illness through the generations. The earlier generations did not have the help which is available today. The quality of help you receive also depends on what is available to you in your area. The psychiatric system could be quite arachic even up to a couple decades ago.

Now I wish that the availability of psychiatric and therapeutic treatment was greater and available to everyone.

One thing I have learned, Away From The Sun, is I am my harshest critic. While there is a great cache to being a bit of a nut, being an individual or a tad bit eccentric... there's so much good we have learned dealing and coping with our adversity. We all have spent so much time working on ourselves and the skeletons in our closet(s). The work we do is a lot more than many do in a lifetime (some just stay in denial forever and ever). Most days I am struggling to and keep everything together, which includes managing PTSD and anxiety. But because of mind reading, sensitivity and analyzing, it lends itself to understanding the dynamics of a group of people (team) and make it work. People were following my lead and asking for advice, I found it a bit uncomforable at first. I'm very task oriented and deal with projects head on. Anyhow, with my critical self talk, it took me a while to understand what people saw in me that they wanted. I guess outsiders just see you for who you are at the moment! I bet you are very sharp and cut through a lot of nonsense with your life experiences. The richness of the people on this forum is something I love - they have true depth and compassion and of course, honesty. Oh, if we could harness all the energy, wisdom, insight and intelligence on this forum - and in a funny way it does all come together collaboratively on this forum.

People on this forum, like yourself SafeNow and more a brave and inspiring. I really do look forward to your posts!

 

[Away From The Sun]

Same to you. I enjoy reading so many different perspectives. Everyone has been through so much. It's quite amazing.