Hello There

[Will]

Hello everyone. I'm pretty new to PTSD and actually just being officially diagnosed today. I had a rough, painful, and humiliating childhood up until around age 17. I drank and did drugs to forget, and I did manage to forget for a while.

I'm also extremely shy and have constant panic attacks and now at age 29 I have a very hard time going into a grocery store and I'm unable to work (I won't ever stop trying to work, I'm thinking of maybe an online business that I can do from home, I just have no money).

So I was diagnosed with general anxiety during my early 20's and then diagnosed bi-polar at age 27. I seemed to be bipolar because I would seem to do well for 6-12 months giving all my energy to just keep my head above the water then I would collapse into alcoholism.

Today this angel of a psychiatrist "unearthed" a lot of my childhood and it was like a light bulb went off that my phobia and actual anger towards men came from all the abuse as a child.

That was my first appointment and I'm going twice a month and I'm on Seroquel and just got some Paxil for the social phobia. I also take Klonopin as needed.

I've been very suicidal and actually got out of the hospital for that a few weeks ago. After trying so many meds and so many doctors, I do have my doubts that I will ever be normal and be able to be around people. I'm just so lonely I can't take another 5 years without a relationship with a girl or some friends.

Any advice or comments would be much appreciated. I just want to believe that I will get better. I want to be able to go up and introduce myself to people, I want to talk to girls without having a heart attack. I want to be able to work and stop depending on my parents and taxpayers.

What are my chances?

-Will

 

[intothelight]

Hi Will,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. There is a lot of information here that I believe you will find beneficial, from medication to relationships and just about anything in between. But the best part of the forum is the support of other members as we navigate the path of healing.

Take care.
Debbie

 

[Will]

That sounds great Debbie! I'm sure I will benefit more by searching the forums for specific issues instead of trying to pack in everything in my first post :)

 

[Srain]

Welcome to the Site Will :),

It sounds like you have been through quite a bit to get here. I've found a lot of information and support here, both have been extremely helpful to me, I hope you find the same. It's good that you have keep searching and asking great question.

Peace,
Rain

 

[Kim]

Welcome to the forum Will. You will find a lot of support and acceptance here.

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Will. You will meet many who will relate to your story. The great thing I found with this site is the friendship that really helped me reconstruct my social abilities - I was isolating myself a great deal. The more you understand PTSD and yourself (through therapy) the more empowerment you will have of your life.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello Will and welcome to the forum :)

It's good to hear you have found a therapist. You need to keep those appointments and be as open and honest with your therapist, as you can be. There is hope for you, just as there is for anyone suffering PTSD. But I won't lie, it can be a long and difficult road. Therapy won't be easy, and facing your past trauma's will be hard. If you can accept that things will probably get worse before they get better, and work really hard both with your therapist in sessions, and looking after yourself in between sessions (not succumbing to suicidal urges), then you stand a very good chance of getting a better quality of life. I'm not saying you will be cured, or (to use your phrase) normal (- what is normal, anyway?), but you can learn to manage your symptoms better, and slowly learn to interact with people again.

This might not be what you want to hear, but if I were you, I'd completely forget about any romantic relationships for the time being. Your current isolation says to me that you have a lot of work to do..... and that takes time. Lots of tiny little steps, which eventually get you to where you want to be.

I'm not aiming to be negative here, just realistic. Your chances of improving your life are great, so long as you have determination, patience, acceptance, and realise that there will always be setbacks in recovery. I think that a great therapist to help guide you on your way is also going to be essential.

You have made the first step, by joining this forum. There is so much information here for you to read and learn about PTSD. Understanding PTSD is a key part of learning how to manage it. You've joined a great bunch of people who can help you along the way, with support, understanding, and the odd challenging comment!! And it's also a positive step forward with social interaction, before you move on to meeting real life people, face to face!

Keep posting!
CB