Hi there. I may or may not belong here, but the more I think about it, the more I start to piece things together I start believing I just might. You can call me K. for anonymity's sake. I am in my early twenties and I have a story I would like to tell for anyone who is willing to listen and maybe to have so input on it.
Okay, I'm not sure where to begin so forgive me if the story jumps around a bit.
I was an older child when this happened. I was staying with an adult male relative and his wife. We were laying down on his bed (on top of the covers) watching television. His wife walks by and says "Get up now. That's not right." Myself being a child and bit confrontational asked "Why?" irritably. At that point the male relative got pretty agitated and said "I'm not going to touch her!!!" I got the jest of what he meant, but I didn't read too much into it and just got up and left.
Fast forward some years later as a full-fledged adult and for some reason I start getting memories of things that acquired when I was small, all involving the male relative (whom I STILL live with atm). I remember one very well in which I was nearly 10 years old and he walked in on me using the bathroom and produced to "wipe" me but it was weird. I can't swear anything was wrong with it, as the memory is a little off, but I remember feeling weird at the time and now I feel weird recalling it.
Since I was a very young child I've had body issues and had been seen by a Dr numerous times. Once molestation was even brought up as a possibility. The kept me at the hospital when I when I had barely begun school and asked me was I touched over and over again. I remember crying and saying 'No' and my mom telling them I used to like to touch myself. I don't know and I don't remember. Again these are memories that came flooding back to me all of a sudden and the hospital and molestation memory was confirmed recently by my mother (not that I needed it to be confirmed, I knew it happened).
So many things are hazy and I really don't remember a good portion of my early childhood but some things stick out in my mind that just feel off.
As I mentioned earlier I am living with the male relative and his wife right now, both of which whom I love, but I feel extremely unnerved around the male now. To make matters worse I have no idea what I should do/say if anything. The man is currently very old and has Alzheimers and I don't know if he could even remember anything if I brought it up. It would almost be like blaming a dead man who can't defend themselves. And then to add to the fact that nothing is concrete as my memory is hazy and disjointed. I just know I feel sick to the stomach and so many things in my life is pointing towards something did happen but I'm afraid to come out and say it for certain.
To add to the story when I was 10 I was diagnosed with very many mental disorders including but not limited to bipolar, ocd, adhd. I started having vivid sexual thoughts and would cry about them. A lot of times they involved family members and more than a few times *that* family member. To this day I hate physical contact, particularly by the opposite sex. I much prefer spending time with animals. In general I do not like people nor do I trust them and I'm not sure where that stems from unless it is something related to my past. And I'm extremely awkward and go into panic attacks very easily.
Okay, I'm not sure where to begin so forgive me if the story jumps around a bit.
I was an older child when this happened. I was staying with an adult male relative and his wife. We were laying down on his bed (on top of the covers) watching television. His wife walks by and says "Get up now. That's not right." Myself being a child and bit confrontational asked "Why?" irritably. At that point the male relative got pretty agitated and said "I'm not going to touch her!!!" I got the jest of what he meant, but I didn't read too much into it and just got up and left.
Fast forward some years later as a full-fledged adult and for some reason I start getting memories of things that acquired when I was small, all involving the male relative (whom I STILL live with atm). I remember one very well in which I was nearly 10 years old and he walked in on me using the bathroom and produced to "wipe" me but it was weird. I can't swear anything was wrong with it, as the memory is a little off, but I remember feeling weird at the time and now I feel weird recalling it.
Since I was a very young child I've had body issues and had been seen by a Dr numerous times. Once molestation was even brought up as a possibility. The kept me at the hospital when I when I had barely begun school and asked me was I touched over and over again. I remember crying and saying 'No' and my mom telling them I used to like to touch myself. I don't know and I don't remember. Again these are memories that came flooding back to me all of a sudden and the hospital and molestation memory was confirmed recently by my mother (not that I needed it to be confirmed, I knew it happened).
So many things are hazy and I really don't remember a good portion of my early childhood but some things stick out in my mind that just feel off.
As I mentioned earlier I am living with the male relative and his wife right now, both of which whom I love, but I feel extremely unnerved around the male now. To make matters worse I have no idea what I should do/say if anything. The man is currently very old and has Alzheimers and I don't know if he could even remember anything if I brought it up. It would almost be like blaming a dead man who can't defend themselves. And then to add to the fact that nothing is concrete as my memory is hazy and disjointed. I just know I feel sick to the stomach and so many things in my life is pointing towards something did happen but I'm afraid to come out and say it for certain.
To add to the story when I was 10 I was diagnosed with very many mental disorders including but not limited to bipolar, ocd, adhd. I started having vivid sexual thoughts and would cry about them. A lot of times they involved family members and more than a few times *that* family member. To this day I hate physical contact, particularly by the opposite sex. I much prefer spending time with animals. In general I do not like people nor do I trust them and I'm not sure where that stems from unless it is something related to my past. And I'm extremely awkward and go into panic attacks very easily.
