Hello

[Fragile]

Okay, thanks for letting me know. :)

 

[anni]

Some people are more verbal than others, even talking to a wall.:) It doesn't matter how you begin to connect your dots, just that you do process what you can, where you can, in your own time at the moment. It seems to me that when one is at the point where they cannot tolerate the pain all alone they go somewhere-this is as safe and good a place as any and quite honestly better than most.I also know it can feel like a burden to keep up a correspondance of any kind, and there really is no 'need' or responsibility to do that here.Here's at least something that's 'all ours', you know? Just keep doing what you can. I'm sure some days it's more than others. I'm honestly not being 'preachy', which is annoying. Anything I'm writing has an awful lot of time behind very, very closed doors behind it.

We've all gotten edited, and it's always something to do with readabilty in the end.Of course that makes sense since I know how easily confused I get. Aren't they cool about?

 

[Fragile]

Thanks Anni, Thank you for posting. :)

I have tried forums for many years now, here and there, and haven't had much luck. I'm scared to say anything about myself now. People tend to take a dislike to me. Or maybe it is I who had a dislike for them. On this therapist forum mainly where I had a lot of trouble at different times. I really liked a lot of the people there but it triggered me a lot too with so many therapists and their mental health problems as extensive as they are, they shouldn't be allowed to practice. I have been hurt by quite a number of them and now I know why. It makes me very angry that they capitalize on other people's problems, earn money for their therapy, working through and resolving their own problems that way with particular clients who best suit their interests and needs. My history and trauma is so far over the top no one relates, never have anyway, and even insinuated by one therapist that the problem may be they don't even believe my history of abuse. ???!!! That really ticks me off. And messed me up and now I can't ever go back or try again with that in mind. Everything I have been through around therapy, on top of everything else, has really done me in. I have verbal communication problems on top of it all because of a brain injury at birth and only complicates matters. The extensive psychological and physical trauma and abuse has affected my brain, as well. I'm totally beaten up and burned out at this point and have a lot of trouble working it out now in a verbal context, much less cope with social interactions.

 

[BeachMaMa]

Hi Anni,
I just read your response on "Fragile's" post and found it extremely helpful. I am new and hope this is the proper way to respond. What you explained makes perfect sense to me. My doc was trying to tell my in counseling last week that I should be able to "compartmentalize" my "adult" responses from my irrational traumatized child ones. So your carefully worded example really helped me get a better grasp on it. I think I have even used the technique without knowing it was really a tool to get better.

I really appreciate your insight.

BeachMaMa

 

[KLouise]

Hi Fragile and Welcome.

I too am new to this and I am VERY encouraged by your courage! You are doing a great job communicating.

Thank You!

 

[BeachMaMa]

Hey Fragile,

I am historically an isolationist. My friends know when I'm having a hard time because I don't answer and return calls. Everyday I have to make and effort to pick up the phone and not let it go into voicemail. I am trying very hard to be cognicent of phoning back friends so they don't feel like it's a one way relationship. But it isn't easy and is still a choice not a habit.

I just know the more I isolate the worst I feel yet I can easily do so. If I didn't have to drive my kids around all day (as frustrating as that feels at times) I probably would be pent up watching soaps and getting worst. So for me any outside contact is good as long as it is safe. It keeps me outside of my own head and thoughts which can be a scary place to be.

Welcome to the board. I just joined this weekend myself.

Blessings,
BeachMaMa

 

[anni]

Hi :)

I'm quite literally on my way out of the door to take my big, normally strong healthy husband to an appointment for his pneumonia. It's something which would have had me quite literally sick maybe 5 years ago. It's do-able ( is that even a word? :) ) now, mostly. You're 'looking at' an expert at isolation, and at manipulating the environment so I could remain so.

I'm going to log back in later today to try to form words and reply properly, but wished to say I'm awfully impressed by the early insights, Fragile and Beachmama, you've been able to intuit. If I'd been so self-aware at that stage, BOY would it have saved a huge amount of struggle.

 

[anni]

Ha! Beachmama,

I reread the posts just now from you and Fragile, and they've really underlined that even though everyone does tend to be different, there are an awful lot of similarities with this dam thing. You sometimes describe this concept that sounds so vague you don't think anyone could possible understand what the heck you're getting at ( because it's SO conceptual and not 'concrete') only to find it's pretty common. I'm not a professional, so can't coherently list all the reasons why a forum structured like this one 'works' but boy, I'd have to think that the validation of knowing we've gotten to someplace on a healing/coping track all by ourselves is one of them! Sharing things, genuinely, would be another, but of course that's only an opinion.

Funny how your head can figure out sometimes how to deal with this dreck even if we're not quite aware we've 'done' it. :)

Fragile, you seem to be verbalizing very nicely at the moment. Maybe it isn't always possible, but when it is for you, like when you've been able to post here, you're very clear. It's easy to say this from an internet inspired distance of course, but you seem like a nice person to me! God knows this PTSD thing is not at all helpfull when it comes to being reactive ( to say the least ), but maybe there are folks out there who are just plain unlikable and nothing to do with your personality or social adeptness. :) However you're feeling, there are a ton of awfully pleasant people tooling around this particular forum so hopefully you might be able to relax a little while logged in here.