Thank you. After a quick look at other introductions, I realize that I could tell a bit more here!
One thing: I won't be able to be on here a lot, because my computer is in the family room and I don't like my partner and child seeing this. Too embarrassing.
I am a woman, early forties, in a relationship, one teenage child, and self employed.
I live in the U.K. but grew up elsewhere. As a child I was sexually abused by an older cousin, something which was never discussed. During my teenage years there were political and economical problems in the country where I lived. Not a fully fledged war, but there were guns, explosions, curfews, deaths, disappearances, executions and the whole lot you generally get in such situations. Mostly there was the constant debilitating fear that if you said something against the military government you might get caught. Or your dad, or anyone else close to you.
By the end of my teens there were riots, protests and all that, in which I took part, to get the military leader/murderer to leave. It worked, we got elections, and that was that, or so I thought.
Like many of my age, I moved to another country, in Europe. Over there, I messed up. I was depressed but didn't know it, started self injuring (and I thought I was the only person to ever do anything that mad). I couldn't finish my education,a and continued to live, or exist, with recurrent mental health problems. When I had my son I felt like at least there was a reason for m y existence, but I still didn't arrange my life very well. Was a single parent, and I worked, but I was still depressed, and cutting. Then I decided that I was ready for a new relationship, met my partner on a dating site and moved to the U.K., away from family, away from everything. I was quickly doing better, but a few months ago at the last elections in my country, and the former military dictator became president. It made me sick -figuratively and literally. He is a murderer, a torturer, a drug-and weapon trader, wanted even in other countries, yet they elected him. I'm shocked, and angry, and also feel guilty; perhaps I should have stayed and kept the memory alive about what it used to be like. My family lives there still, and I'm just totally the teenager i used to be. At the moment all is good there, but I'm scared of what could happen, and I am just so angry. With them too, because they don't talk, they act as if all is perfect, that's how things are over there. Hide all the bad things; pretend it's not there.
Since the elections I've been reliving things as they were, sometimes with very clear images, sometimes it's like I'm there, and i can't stop thinking about things that I just want to forget. I find it hard to communicate with my family and friends over there, I wish I'd never have to think about it again.
A few months after the elections I resorted to cutting again, which I hadn't done in years, and my sleeping problems got a lot worse. I had vague plans to kill myself, but fortunately didn't. I didn't think the two were connected at the time, but I was scared, and decided to see a hypnotherapist. I don't want to see my GP because I don't want my mental issues on any register. The hypnotherapist is the one who suggested PTSD. I can't say the hypnotherapy helped a lot -it sure cost a lot though, so now I'm trying sports and exercise. Cheaper and definitely good for something.
I do wonder if it's possible to have PTSD symptoms occur like this so long after the problem; most websites mention the issues popping up within months or even day. Not decades. :)
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