Hello!

[Sammi]

Hello everyone. I'm Sammi and I've been in a relationship with a guy thats been in the Marines for almost 4 years and we had been together since before he joined.

He got back from a deployment to Afghanistan in February and it's been a really rough road since he got back.

I've done a lot of reading up on PTSD and I have no clue what to do at this point, he got back from deployment and we broke up, he said he wasn't happy, found out about alot of cheating and now he drinks daily and his anger is higher than ever.

I love him and still very much care about him.

He's managed to totally convince his family that he's fine but they have no clue what's going on with him!

A conversation that occured between him and I tonight is what made me stumble onto this website. He's drinking everyday in massive amounts to the point where he has a bleeding ulcer now but is drinking anyways and out of no where tonight talking about something simple and it was like a switch was flipped and he was calling me every name imaginable.

He got a speeding ticket and a wreckless ops and almost a DUI all within the same week.

When him and I talk it's like walking on eggshells. He admits he has PTSD but he will not get help. I've tried to gentley tell him that he might feel better if he just went to talk to someone and let it all out. He says he will but he never ends up going. When the anger outbursts happen he apologizes after, but it feels like it's borderline abusive.

I know he has seen some horrible things on his deployment and I'm trying to be there for him but he ends up just pushing me away and his family is in total denial that something could be wrong.

I don't know what to do at this point or something I can try and do to help him. I'm sorry if this is all over the place but I'm scared for him and I don't want to see anything horrible happen to him.

<Paragraph breaks inserted for ease of reading, by Amethist>

 

[goingonhope]

Hi & Welcome Sammi,

out of no where tonight talking about something simple and it was like a switch was flipped and he was calling me every name imaginable.

When him and I talk it's like walking on eggshells. He admits he has PTSD but he will not get help. He says he will but he never ends up going.

When the anger outbursts happen he apologizes after, but it feels like it's borderline abusive.

Sammi, if I've heard correctly his family is in denial and he has managed to totally convince them that he is fine. Though you're not convinced of this, you're still already minimizing his abusiveness with you.

Sorry but calling you every name imaginable is not borderline abusive; It is the real thing, and this abusiveness and the lies, as well as apoligies which follow is progressive without real professional help.

His present insanity all just lead and provide parts to how you too may become very much affected, perhaps very ill.

Take Care Sammi of you!

His conditions will beat himself into a sense of reasonableness, which though sad is often necessary.

Your self-care Sammi, real boundary setting, personal growth and absences will be more convincing to him, to decide for himself to count himself into life again and to give himself another go at life, then would be you enabling him to deceive and continue to hurt himself as well as drag you down and hurt you.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome to the forum, Sammi!

It definitely sounds like you and your boyfriend have been through a lot... PTSD is extremely hard on the sufferers as well as on the carers for many of the reasons that you mention. Denial presents as a common roadblock. The denial can affect both the sufferer and family. I am glad that you have more of an objective standpoint.

I agree with goingonhope above that your self-care is essential. You absolutely need to take care of you. Your boyfriend will eventually face a roadblock that he cannot avoid and then he will have to face PTSD - the monster. It's similar to hitting rock bottom which is necessary to realize that you need help. You cannot necessarily control his hitting rock bottom, but you can play an important role for his getting help by not accepting inappropriate behavior and setting limits wherever.

Take care of yourself!

 

[CraftyCath]

Welcome Sammi,

I've nothing more to add to the above, I just wanted to say 'hi.'

Take care.