Hello

[SM3222]

Hi,

I joined this forum so that I can try and find a way to get through to my husband. I really think he has PTSD and I'd like him to get help for it, but he is in complete denial. He's left me because he believes it is me that is making him so unhappy (we had a really great marriage and love and he left out of the blue) we have two young children who this is impacting and I just want my family back. I need to find a way to help my husband realize that he has this.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[intothelight]

Hi SM3222,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. I am your family has been split up, but you have come to a good place for information and support. Your husband will have to seek a diagnosis and help on his own; but in the meanwhile, it is important that you get support for yourself.

Take care and I hope this site is helpful to you.
Debbie

 

[SM3222]

He refuses to seek help.. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to lose him. At this point, he doesn't want to come home at all. I'm so worried about him. He's so cold and numb. He is not the person I've known for the past 10 years, but he seems to think that he's absolutely fine. His reasons for leaving me are petty and don't make any sense. They are things that are simple to fix. Looking back, I now realize there have been signs in the past that he may have this (flashbacks and sensitivty to loud noises.) He seems to think that because he hasn't had a flashback in 2 years that he is fine. However, it seems to be showing itself in other ways (depression, isolation, numbness). I think he is afraid of being kicked out of the marine corps too. I really feel like I need a miracle right about now...

 

[wife of]

Great,he's still in,thats the best place for getting access to help.

Not sure how it works for you guys over there but if you have a families officer or padre etc then maybe a quiet word in confidence could just alert his chain of command to keep an eye on him or discreetly pull him in for a pastoral care check up???

I understand you are in that uncomfortable position of not wanting him to feel you have betrayed him to anyone but trust me,your not going to be able to do this alone.

see you in the supporters section,theres loads of us.

Sue.:tup:

 

[SM3222]

I am a little nervous to reach out to his command. I always worry that as much as it is in confidence that he will either figure it out and think I am out to ruin his career or that they will tell him.

 

[wife of]

If he's left you and doesnt get help then you have nothing to lose but everything to gain from someone getting him into treatment and him hopefully seeing your concern for what it is.

Left alone and untreated,prob viewing you from the point that "theres nothing wrong with me,its just you messing with my head" then how could things have a hope of getting better?

If hes pushed away all he hold dear and feels he is maybe not doing his job so well then he could at some point without any intervention get himself on the "I'd be better off dead" path.

I don't mean to disrespect or frighten you,however if you love this man then it is your responsibility to look out for him if he cannot or will not look out for himself.

I think most service guys would be hurt at first but would hopefuly understand that someone had to put the brakes on the train...Service guys are taught to look out for the team.....If he thought one of his team was headed down this route,you can bet your backside,he would get them help...

 

[PTSD sufferer]

SM,

I think going behind your husbands back and talking to his commanders is a really bad move. If he has PTSD, he needs support which you can't give unless he trusts you. Going above his head could be viewed as compounding or providing proof for reasons as to why he has left.

The only thing that I would suggest, is that you ask him to go to relationship counselling. The outcome for which could be reconciliation or closure, and you need to be prepared that it could go either way. If not for your relationships sake, you should go to relationship counselling for your children's sake, so that your relationship issues don't get in the way of your children's relationship with each of you (as a couple or as individuals).

He does need a diagnosis from a qualified professional - you can't diagnose him and you certainly can't 'fix' him. Once he gets a diagnosis, then he can move forward. However, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. He needs to choose to drink.

Be patient with him, and let him do what he needs to do to get better. Most of the time, it requires an outsider (therapist) to provide logical argument, as in a relationship logical argument is generally charged with emotion - from both sides. That emotion often overrides any logical argument, because a relationship is built on 'feelings'.

Encourage him into 'relationship counselling' for your children's sake. Recognize that the outcome could be reconciliation or closure. Either way it goes, it is better to have talked about the problems and reached a conclusion together, for all concerned.

Welcome to the forum. You will find much support here. But this forum is about sharing experiences to help others, it is each individual's choice as to what they will take on board.

Best, xxoo