Spiralling
New Here
Hi everyone.
I just found this site through google. I googled 'grieving my lost self' and found a thread on this forum titled: Grief - The Loss Of Our Old Self
and I can relate to it so much. I grieve for the little girl who I used to be and is now lost forever every single day.
I don't know if I have PTSD but I think I do. My boyfriends dad was in the army and he suffers with PTSD very badly. Sometimes I recognise some of the things he does and the way he behaves, because I do them also. I understand him, and he has a soft spot for me because I'm the only one who 'gets' him and understands why he sometimes behaves 'strangely'. I'm the only one who doesn't blame him for it, because I can see why he acts in certain ways. Half of his family is convinced that PTSD doesn't exist and that theres nothing wrong with him.
My husband was in the army and died in Afghanistan. He was showing signs of PTSD before he died, although I didn't know at the time, but looking back I can see it now. I was only 19 when he died and I have no idea if I ever dealt with losing him properly. I never had counselling for it and it happened in 2007. Our son was 4 when it happened. He has never had counselling either but seems to have come through it all just fine and is doing well and is generally happy.
I had my son when I had only just turned 16 and I think I have PTSD from the birth. Anything to do with pregnancy or childbirth makes me literally run from the room crying and feeling a huge amount of panic. It makes my skin crawl to think about it. I feel uncomfortable around pregnant women. I know that probably sounds weird but that's how I feel and I wish I didn't. But then again I'm never planning on having more kids.
When I was about 5 I was sexually abused in a minor way. It only happened once. I think it must have had a negative effect on me, but I have no idea what it is.
I was brought up by jehovahs witnesses and therefore bullied and socially excluded a lot at school. I bunked off most of the last two years of school because I didn't fit in and I hated it. I also hate 'authority' and was quite a rebel at school because of that.
I'm hugely depressed and I also think I have social anxiety disorder. I don't go out much and people scare me if they talk to me, I never know what to say. I even feel a bit nervous about posting this.
I suppose I need to go and get counselling but I'm scared of letting out all the pain and hurt in case it never stops. When I look in the mirror and look how much the pain and stress has aged me, I get really upset. I look old and tired. I'm a shadow of the girl I used to be. I have body image issues. I try to be healthy and eat well and exercise so I can feel younger and more energetic but I always self sabotage my efforts after a few days and eat cake instead and then get angry about it and start all over again. Which makes no sense whatsoever and I have no idea why I can't stop doing it.
I hope I can find some kindred spirits here to talk with, although I wish no one ever had to feel like this.
Thanks for reading anyway, sorry its long I tend to ramble on.
I just found this site through google. I googled 'grieving my lost self' and found a thread on this forum titled: Grief - The Loss Of Our Old Self
and I can relate to it so much. I grieve for the little girl who I used to be and is now lost forever every single day.
I don't know if I have PTSD but I think I do. My boyfriends dad was in the army and he suffers with PTSD very badly. Sometimes I recognise some of the things he does and the way he behaves, because I do them also. I understand him, and he has a soft spot for me because I'm the only one who 'gets' him and understands why he sometimes behaves 'strangely'. I'm the only one who doesn't blame him for it, because I can see why he acts in certain ways. Half of his family is convinced that PTSD doesn't exist and that theres nothing wrong with him.
My husband was in the army and died in Afghanistan. He was showing signs of PTSD before he died, although I didn't know at the time, but looking back I can see it now. I was only 19 when he died and I have no idea if I ever dealt with losing him properly. I never had counselling for it and it happened in 2007. Our son was 4 when it happened. He has never had counselling either but seems to have come through it all just fine and is doing well and is generally happy.
I had my son when I had only just turned 16 and I think I have PTSD from the birth. Anything to do with pregnancy or childbirth makes me literally run from the room crying and feeling a huge amount of panic. It makes my skin crawl to think about it. I feel uncomfortable around pregnant women. I know that probably sounds weird but that's how I feel and I wish I didn't. But then again I'm never planning on having more kids.
When I was about 5 I was sexually abused in a minor way. It only happened once. I think it must have had a negative effect on me, but I have no idea what it is.
I was brought up by jehovahs witnesses and therefore bullied and socially excluded a lot at school. I bunked off most of the last two years of school because I didn't fit in and I hated it. I also hate 'authority' and was quite a rebel at school because of that.
I'm hugely depressed and I also think I have social anxiety disorder. I don't go out much and people scare me if they talk to me, I never know what to say. I even feel a bit nervous about posting this.
I suppose I need to go and get counselling but I'm scared of letting out all the pain and hurt in case it never stops. When I look in the mirror and look how much the pain and stress has aged me, I get really upset. I look old and tired. I'm a shadow of the girl I used to be. I have body image issues. I try to be healthy and eat well and exercise so I can feel younger and more energetic but I always self sabotage my efforts after a few days and eat cake instead and then get angry about it and start all over again. Which makes no sense whatsoever and I have no idea why I can't stop doing it.
I hope I can find some kindred spirits here to talk with, although I wish no one ever had to feel like this.
Thanks for reading anyway, sorry its long I tend to ramble on.
