Supporter Hello

[MorningDove]

Hello community, In recent months I became close someone with pretty bad PTSD. We see each other several times a week through a large social circle so interact regularly. When I told him I had feelings for him, his ptsd kicked in and he started going into freeze or flight and pulling away. Having known many with ptsd, I realized what was happening and came here to continue learning, remind myself about allowing him the caring space needed, and to not take things personally. Everything I have read has been immensely helpful and I am grateful for all that are here. Let the healing continue.

 

[nursenurse]

I am not sure if you have had one on one dates with him, or if your encounters have all been in group situations, but if he is pulling away before you even start, it may not be PTSD. He may just not be interested.

 

[MorningDove]

We have been together 1 on 1 and he moves closer to a point, then starts talking about his ptsd and backing away. I just tell him that I understand and let go for a while. You know, though, I have not thought to directly ask. I have asked in other ways and have only heard back about the ptsd.

 

[Justmehere]

Glad you have a heart to support people with PTSD and learn more about it.

Whatever the cause for his pulling away, it's good you gave him the space, especially because he does have PTSD. It shows him that you are a safe person and that should he want to become more than friends, he will be more likely to draw close later on.

I'm just curious, how do you happen to know many people with PTSD?

And welcome to the forum!

 

[MorningDove]

I am an army vet and worked with Special Forces guys. Even now, many of my friends are other vets. I also have had some pretty bad (bullying and otherwise) experiences in my life that blessedly did not trigger serious ptsd, but I do relate to a lot of what sufferers go through as a result.

 

[Justmehere]

That's really cool! I'm glad there are folks like you around who get it. :) Sorry to hear you went through some hard stuff too.

 

[MorningDove]

Thanks. Likewise.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[MorningDove]

Thank you.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Welcome to the forum, @MorningDove!

 

[BigBear]

Being there for him is the greatest thing that you can do. Making sure that he knows that and that you have no need to judge him.

Glad you are here.

Bear

 

[MorningDove]

Thank you all for your welcomes. What brought me here was this: My suffering friend and I were getting close but this stressed him but we kept talking and texting. A few weeks back he agreed to go on a group trip together, and our closer encounter made a bit of a mess of things which we were trying to work through. After this I had some major other life stressors and needed to not communicate for a day or so, even though we hang out in the same social scene together. I am in the midst of a huge life change (divorce) did not want to to add to his stress. I tried to acknowledge this in an email to him but I think it came off as playing head games and made me seem untrusworthy. We still talk when in the same space but don't text any more, and he still watches me and we smile when we make eye contact. Part of me wants to ask him if it is his PTSD or me personally and let him know that I am not trying to play head games just wanting to be respectful. He has never said that he does not feel for me, he just brings up the ptsd when things get going awry.