ladylothian
New Here
Hello,
I am a 48 year-old woman who has suffered from depression and panic attacks (although I was never allowed to figure out what exactly was wrong with me until I was 30 because it was considered weakness) ever since I can remember.
I have taken about every anti-depressant there is and they help some. Whenever something "major" happens in my life, however, I fall to pieces. I have been in and out of therapy for years but have never found a therapist I can truly connect with. One told me to have an affair during my 23-year marriage.
My marriage has been over for 5 years (but not because I had the affair. He did -many of them.) My children are grown. Both my mother and only sister died in a very short time-frame in the middle of my messy divorce. I have contemplated suicide more times than I can count, and I regularly cut myself.
About two years ago, the suppressed memory of my oldest (by 16 years) brother raping and beating me when i was around 5 hit me like a bodyslam. Every screwed up event or trait I had suddenly came into focus. Worst of all, I remember my mother being first on the scene and making a split-second decision to choose her oldest son over that hurt and frightened little girl. Mom is gone now, but that little girl is still crying in pain and confusion.
worst of all, I have NO ONE to talk it out with. No guidance on how to resolve the screwed-up, professional accountant, mother-of-three amazing adult children with that little emotionally abandoned girl.
I am a 48 year-old woman who has suffered from depression and panic attacks (although I was never allowed to figure out what exactly was wrong with me until I was 30 because it was considered weakness) ever since I can remember.
I have taken about every anti-depressant there is and they help some. Whenever something "major" happens in my life, however, I fall to pieces. I have been in and out of therapy for years but have never found a therapist I can truly connect with. One told me to have an affair during my 23-year marriage.
My marriage has been over for 5 years (but not because I had the affair. He did -many of them.) My children are grown. Both my mother and only sister died in a very short time-frame in the middle of my messy divorce. I have contemplated suicide more times than I can count, and I regularly cut myself.
About two years ago, the suppressed memory of my oldest (by 16 years) brother raping and beating me when i was around 5 hit me like a bodyslam. Every screwed up event or trait I had suddenly came into focus. Worst of all, I remember my mother being first on the scene and making a split-second decision to choose her oldest son over that hurt and frightened little girl. Mom is gone now, but that little girl is still crying in pain and confusion.
worst of all, I have NO ONE to talk it out with. No guidance on how to resolve the screwed-up, professional accountant, mother-of-three amazing adult children with that little emotionally abandoned girl.
