Hello

[Jay Muse]

I'm brand new here. I served on the U.S.S. New Jersey from '83-87. Was there when our marines were getting sniped and also when the asshole terrorist drove the truck in to the barracks and killed 241 sleeping men....including a Cheif from my ship-Wayne Gorchinski. His baby-daughter at the time is now a doctor, I think!

I never heard what the 16"'ers sound like from the ground, but I sure know they were loud when they went off! If you are on deck when they are shot, they DO knock you down on your A@@!

I've never delt with any of my PTSD until about 10 years ago when the 20 yr annaversery hit me out of the blue. And now its coming up on 30 years next October 2013. I am really scared if I'm even going to be able to even leave my house and go to work..... With the 30 year coming up I finally went to the VA and Vet Center for help....10 years ago I lost a career, friendships, and a wife and my kids at the 20 year anniv. I really just can't go throught that again. The CPT therapy and 1x1's with the doc are starting to help, I think. They keep saying it will get better.

If there are any Marines on this forum that were there and made it through, I'm sorry you went through that, and I'm sorry we didn't do more to help you BEFORE the truck bomb. That was our mission, and we failed. I'm sorry we didn't come to the barracks to help with the rescue-we tried, really really really tried, ....can you beleive the Captain of my ship came over the PA and said we couldn't help with the rescue because it would cause too much paperwork and they would have to pay us special pay? OMG. OMG. OMG. There were men dying under that concrete and steel, and they were worried about paperwork! I think I have some serious truct issues with the Gov't! Wonder why. All we could do was watch with binoculars from the deck of the ship, and send all the suppliles we could that they needed.

Sorry this is so long,.,,,,,I got a lot of issues going on becuase of this, but I'm glad I found this fourm.

 

[Pepsi]

Good evening Jay Muse

 

[Jimmy1]

Gidday Jay and welcome to the forum.

Everyone on here has there own private nightmares and most of us have anniverseries or multiple anniverseries they have to deal with. They affect everyone differently. It's usually the feeling of guilt and helplessness that we all have to deal with that has the greatest affect. When we are powerless to do anything about it.

The only thing I can suggest is to find a really good therapist/psych that deals with military related PTSD and prepare yourself. It works mate.

I think we all had issues with loud noises after being in combat, and we all have felt helpless and powerless too. I had issues with fireworks, its amazing how much one of them firing off sounds so similar to the primary of a mortar. It took me up until last New Years Eve to go see the fireworks with my boy, and that was the early one for kids at 9 pm.
All those years before I had to send him with someone else.

There are heaps of guys from all different conflicts and all different parts of the globe on here that may be able to help, or at least offer some words of advice. The information in the articles section is helpful too.

First and foremost though, you are here now and we will listen.

Jimmy

 

[JennyMac]

Welcome, this is a safe place with many helpful and understanding people.

 

[combatgoldfish]

Welcome.

 

[Wagon]

Hey Jay,

Very welcome. You are not the only one who this stuff has snuck up on after many years. It's been a year for me since I finally confronted I had problems from over 20 years back. Anniversaries suck. I got one coming up from my Battleship. I try to let it pass without a bump, but you know..... Also made a foray back to Lebenon in 89 to give Hezbollah whats for. But I know the Jersey's deployment was a nightmare. How many months was it? 13 or 14. NO ship has any business being deployed that long...Much less crew.

Again welcome. You'll find allot of good support and info here.

Wagon

 

[Lee C]

Welcome mate

 

[medic5]

Welcome Jay you are not alone. We are here for each other. Feel free to vent and ask questions.

 

[Jay Muse]

Thanks all. I appreciate the support. I think the depolyment was 13 months, but I just got in on the last 10 months-right after my 18th birthday. I sure would like to make a trip back to Beirut (but really, I don't think I'll ever be able to do that-emotionally) and give my rememberencess and respect and appologies to the marines, but I think I would probably end up giving the locals-Hezbollah all a "What's for" and never making it back to my kids and wife.

Thanks again....I'll keep up with this forum...seems like it "Helps?" a lot of you?

 

[Bill Simmons]

Hello Jay, glad you are here. My wife was in Beirut that day. Long story.....I am here for you man....we can chat anytime in the open or by PM if you like.

Billy

وفاة لحزب الله

 

[Jay Muse]

Does anybody start crying anytime they think about what happened to them/others in their event(s)? I feel like a real puss wheen it happens....sometimes at work. Co-workers have seen this, and I try to say it's allergies! I'm not sure if that excuse works, but it's the only one I can tell them. Is crying part of PTSD, along with all the other crap?

 

[Bill Simmons]

I kinda don't need an excuse any more. A lot of the old ideas have just dropped away. The horse shit about real men don't cry is just that. The truth will set you free. I don't hide out much any more. It is what it is. Sorry if people have some expectation about how I should act. I think when I tell people what is going on with me 99% understand. Hey I got PTSD and this is how it effects me.

I am getting kinda OK with who I am. Some of it is a little strange but I got PTSD and just like any other medical condition there are signs of the condition. Would you laugh at me if I had my arm cut off??