Help In Marriage

[deeveebee]

Hello all. It's my first time posting.

I'm 38. I grew up in a violent household. My father beat my mother often, and we lived elsewhere often, went back, cycle continued. As a result, our mother beat us. Usually in the face. Because our parents had so many issues between them, I know my brother and I (who I shielded) fended for ourselves a lot.

I've been suffering from panic attacks and anxiety for 7 years now. Why the late onset, I can't say. I was in CBT for years, and now have a new therapist who thinks I actually have PTSD. I'm on 15 mg of Lexapro now.

I'm here because I'm married now and we fight a lot. He has an issue accepting responsibility and I feel the need to get him to see reality. In some ways, I feel he is an unsupportive and unempathetic husband. He thinks I'm nasty and demanding and "awful."

Things have escalated lately; he name-calls or uses certain tones and I am just crippled, feeling like I'm back in my childhood home. Praying for help from God, laying on the floor, and when he reaches out, I lash out like a cornered animal to defend myself. It's resulted in slaps and shoves.

What I'm doing is wrong and awful and I'm terrified by myself. But I do feel like something is triggering a fight or flight response and whereas as a child I fled, I'm now fighting.

I don't know what to do. Maybe I should be alone. I don't want him to suffer. And I don't want to be an abuser. I feel so lost. But I also want to teach him how triggers are powerful and overwhelming...

Please help. And thank you in advance.

 

[Deleted member 541]

If you do have PTSD, then your "job" is not to make your husband "see" anything. Your job is to focus on yourself, your trauma and to find ways to cope with what you are dealing with.

What you are trying to do right now, is to change others, so that you can cope, that's not the way it goes. You need to change your behavior, thoughts, and find ways to cope so that you can either have a relationship with your hubby or not.

 

[Powder]

I am only hearing negative on the relationship, both ways. No advice yet, but just wanted to summarize your post very simply in case it's helpful. If not, my apologies.

 

[J'qel]

I would suggest couple's counselling. Beyond that, as Muse stated, there's a lot of negative there, but not a lot of positive.