Help Me See A Positive To Focus On

[Sideways]

It's not your fault (and he didn't say that, or even imply it) anywhere. You are suffering the natural consequences of very unnatural abuse.

You are willing to get better. You've been working your arse off to get better quality (or any) help.

Been here for years? Seems to me that's evidence that you're here to get support on your recovery journey, not evidence that you've given up. It takes years for some of us, and that's awful and unfair, but it doesn't mean we want to stay sick.

And you very much are worth the effort. My reading is that this doc seemed to think so, and I know I do.

All those horrible self-loathing thoughts feeling more congruent? That's the one statement in your post I agree with. We were abused into believing that we aren't worth it, so those self-loathing feelings are familiar. But that doesn't make them right.

You are worth it. You are. Don't give up. You don't need to fight this today, but don't give up. Thoughts are with you during this incredibly tough and unfair struggle that you're going through.

 

[Abstract]

It always shocks me to see someone else react to something in a similar way to me. You just express it so much better than I do. I lot of the things you struggle with could have been written by me.

Sorry to say but the guy is an idiot. A dunderhead. However, he is not for one minute saying you are attention seeking, undeserving, unwilling to get better, that its your fault or shouldnt get treatment. Not in the part you shared with us. That;s the past hurt and internal bullying doing that.

What is annoying is that he didn't open his tiny brain and listen enough to both your t and you about the dissociation. Thats the pdoc arrogance coming into play. He did leave an opening though and said he does not know enough and others need to decide. He has not closed this door for you. Nevertheless I totally understand why you are so upset. I also understand the psychiatrist versus psychologist issue but there are ways of fighting that. He clearly isnt the right person to do the SCID-D. I believe he did refer to further testing so I dont think there is any reason to think it won't happen. You may just need to fight for this. Sadly that is the reality when it comes to specialised treatment with the NHS. They will put up many obstacles and you just need to keep fighting them. You can do this.

The person I mentioned before had to fight many times and it did take time but he did end up receiving the treatment he wanted. Much of his letters along the way read almost word for word like this one. Their shoddiness is not a comment on your worth or what is really happening for you. Its a comment on the limited funding and lack of specialist care and shoddy system. Its not you - its them.

I wish he could have understood more and helped more for you. Its horrible. Its also not the end though. When I can do it (never) I try not to jump ahead too much and rather concentrate on calming things down. I find any discussion on what is going on for me (diagnoses and treatment) highly destabalising at the best of times, It never fails to set off major backlash and thats without any fuel being provided from others. Do you think thats happening a little?

I hope you manage to find a little bit of quietness tomorrow for your birthday.

 

[Saria]

How are you doing these days? @Sandstone Were you able to read the whole thing? Just wanted to say that it's not your fault, and that getting better is much harder if the trauma and dissociation isn't being addressed. So I hope at least you'll be able to get the diagnostic assessment at the trauma centre, if possible. I was in therapy 10 years before the dissociation was addressed, and it has helped a lot to work with therapists specialized in trauma and dissociation.

 

[Sandstone]

I've read the first page. It is supposed to be a summary of my history, but says that two years ago I was admitted for 6 weeks and took two overdoses during that admission. I was actually admitted for 13 days, and during that time declined all meds, so could not have had anything to OD on. Odd, to say the least.

I've decided I just have to wait and see what happens. I can't see any logic in the seriously ill, comment. If I was, someone would have been monitoring me.

 

[Saria]

Yeah, that's odd. I think I'd clarify that if I got the opportunity. A lot of stuff in that letter didn't make a lot of sense if you ask me. The system hasn't exactly treated you well, but I really hope that will change, and that they will listen to your previous therapist and her recommendations. I hope it works out!

 

[Abstract]

Ok, I have to say that he sounds totally incompetent and all over the place. This is peoples life and welfare that we are talking about. The least you can do is pay attention and check your facts. And open your ears. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. The one plus I can think of is that I'm guessing you could prove some of that and it could prove useful if you want to challenge his report.

Waiting and seeing sounds very wise. One step will follow the next. This may still go more smoothly than you expect. Lets hope.