Help My Partner Has Ptsd And I Dont Know What To Do!

[A D]

I read the attachment a friend sent me about Anthony Pasons and his PTSD and it helped alot in understanding. So I am a carer and its severely affecting me and my kids . I have done years of self discovery and awareness and personal work so I am prob better equipped than most to be in his life .
But its one big ugly picture !!! Please help !

 

[amethist]

Hi AD

Welcome to the forum.

You are right it is a big ugly picture, but now you are not alone with it. It will effect you and your kids, but now you can learn how to keep going, a bit easier.

Come down to the supporters area, and maybe start by reading some of the sticky notes at the top of the different sections.

You may also have loads of questions, that have not been answered yet, but now most of them will be. Many have been before you, and have passed on their experiences to help us, and so it goes on. passing on the knowledge, as we keep learning.

Taking care of yourself and your kids, is the first thing to learn, if you dont, you wont be able to keep going forward with your sufferer.

Take care.

Amethist

 

[Prettysmile]

Hi AD! Welcome. I know how you feel. PTSD snuck up on me too recently about a month ago. I didnt know what was wrong with my Sufferer! Once you understand it more, you will feel much better. :-)

 

[A D]

Thanx both of u ! So at first he would get angry / rage grab his stuff and leave so hence came my first boundary , "you can not sleep over and keep stuff here as that just gives u something to grab and run and rage " then as his rages continued (like texts saying cancel the marriage , then sorry , on and on and on etc ...then I said " I will not set a date for marriage till you can control these outbursts where you cancel and destroy" then I realised he has lived with his mommy for close to 40 years and is 45 and keeps running back there and after much study realised he has "emotional incest" so another boundary "I can not have you marry and move in with me right from your mothers as u have not learned to live alone and be a man" I dont need more kids to look after. I see this as all healthy boundaries ....he calls it holding the relationship hostage ! I prefer to live in Love and Peace yet he screams f*ck YOU at me and it is so hurtful the things he has called me when he leaves . His words/ texts go from me being the most beautiful person in the world to ... I am texted as a c*nt etc etc etc I dont need the abuse .... but then he cries and says he doesnt understand what he is doing etc . He then holds a grudge for a week before he calls and comes back and the cycle repeats ! WTH I have done years of personal work so I try to be as understanding as I can as I am very self aware ..... but frankly feel very abused and have to find the fine line so I am not enabling ! Help

 

[A D]

Oh where is the supporters area and the sticky notes you mentioned Amethyst?

 

[Prettysmile]

The first thing I learned about PTSD is that its not an excuse for bad behavior. Is he getting help?

 

[A D]

He has onloy just had his eyes opened to this ...so not really getting help , like he has not told his doctor, but he did go to ONE meeting at a support group I suggested ? and bought a book which I dont think he has read !

 

[Prettysmile]

His symptoms will only get better once he goes to counseling.

 

[A D]

I have had to tell him to go away till he can get help and work thru his stuff ...as it has me an emotional mess, its debilitating always being attacked and living unstable . When u want peace and love and all u get is war ?!! : ((

 

[jo may]

Hi A D and welcome:)

I'm a suffer not a carer but I know my husband finds it hard going and my kids just want mummy back. I think partners who stay and care for their partners are very brave people.

I have had 3 sessions with my T and I would say it's a good idea to get some help for him. And give him time, I know with me I can zone out for hours and get very snappy if brought out of it.

It just takes time and everyones different. I think your find some very helpful information on this site.

Take Care and Good Luck

JM:tup:

<Edited for spelling and poetry style posting. Amethist>

 

[A D]

Thanx Jo May and Pretty Smile .... its been a while since I have been on , just too much to deal with , but he left again, and this time it may have to be over for good , I am so sad, but every time he is triggered he is blaming it on my 13 yr old and it is affecting her alot . I guess I have to love her and me enough to not let the abuse continue . He doesnt seem to love us enough to fight for this . Sadly and broken . xoxo

 

[leweyoz]

Hi AD,

I'm new here too and a Carer or Supporter. You'll find the Supporters section on the main Forum page. Just keep scrolling down.

You are so good to put up boundaries. I can't say I have had your experience, so many here, will be able to give better advice than I can. Just wanted to let you know you'd been heard and I'm feeling for you.